BPDFamily.com

We nonBPDs deal with a lot of negative behavior and negative talk from our BPDs. We have this website to learn from. We have each other to learn from. We have each other to vent with. Yet, with all that being said, how do you deal with your hurt and your dislike-hate of your BPD? Sure, we can understand the reasons and feel empathy, but our way to tolerate their negative behavior and negative talk can possibly wear us down. So, again, how do you deal with your hurt and your dislike-hate of your BPD? Also, how long does it take for you to clear yourself of these feelings, or do you? Perhaps, we can learn from one another.

It takes me about three days after a huge blow-up. Although to me they are the most hurtful episodes. The day-to-day insults and negativity can be very wearing. I have to make sure I do things for myself on purpose. I have a lot of helpful relationships. I try not to take it personally as much as is humanly possible.

I try not to take my BPDw's negative behavior and negative talk personally, but it has been adding up so much during the last couple of years, telling me that my attitude caused a car accident, telling me that I shouldn't be in the hospital when I am sick due to the cost, telling me that she felt like my D during intimacy, telling me that she is better in so many ways that I ever will be, etc., etc. With this constant hammering and even when she is somewhat stable, when the hammering continues, it certainly is extremely challenging not to take her negativity personally. All I have ever given her is my love and my support. Yet, that is not enough for her. That is why it is extremely challenging for me to rationalize her negative behavior and her negative talk, all of which turns to hurt and dislike and sometimes hate. Yet, I oftentimes hate myself more so for having been duped so badly.