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It seems like everytime I go through this things are worse. Now the court system is involved. After standing back and looking it seems to me she always ups the ante for me to prove I love her and am going to stay. Last time she got a house two hundred miles away,  then wanted me back so broke the lease, which cost her a couple of grand. Im wondering now if all this RO and divorce crap is more of her tests.

I think I always knew she was scared of being left. Thats why I constantly bought her things to reassure her that I loved her, told her how much she meant and how I wanted to grow old with her. It never seemed to do any good. Well for awhile here and there it would. Then bang, shed be gone or threatening to leave unless I did XY and Z

Sounds like you are dealing with a dose of neediness. Neediness is a process of wanting that cant be sated by giving, as it has no end goal. All you can do is stop giving and living within your own needs rather than trying to fulfill someone else's.

I dont really understand what you mean Waverider

Constantly needing to test you and wanting you to give. Giving doesn't satisfy the need to receive, or be chased. In order to keep the chase alive she will simply move the goal posts, so you keep running.

She needs to see you running, rather than actually getting there. There is no end goal.

Chasing rainbows

Exactly

Wow. The funny thing is.  When I've asked for more emotionally or even to just go on a date.  I have been told "your needy".  I've struggled with that one... .Questioning myself... .Analyzing it to death.  And I didn't see that.   But I was never positive.

After reading that I realize that me asking those things doesn't make me needy for that exact reason.   There is a end goal.   

And on the flip side I have always felt like I haven't ever stopped running to meet her needs or please her.   It's like an endless marathon and instead of being handed a glass of water here and there,  I get kicked in the $&@.  And literally once in a while instead of handed a glass of water it's thrown at me.   How does she expect me to drink it.  Lol

Sounds stupid i know, after all this i still wish she could get it together and work through this, I know it will never happen, im at the place almost of saying screw it which sucks.

An analogy of neediness.

A river is needy, it needs water adding to exist. Adding more water to stop it flowing is futile it just runs faster. Eventually you run out of water, but it still needs water and will drain it from wherever it can.

Only a total drought can stop a river from flowing as it will no longer exist.

You alone cannot create a drought, but you can preserve your own water supply by not adding it to the river. Ultimately that is your choice to own

I read you. So close to mine. I know its from chidhood but who cares. I love her but  I know now I cant heal her

I hear you wave there was still the hope she would wake up, but today proved not a chance. That realy hurt, but at the same time told me move on

Im tired of being hurt

Chasing rainbows, yup.  Can't fill a black hole.

I know it hurts, but man... .maybe the pain is good.  People don't tend to change without pain.  It's like a hot iron that wakes us up! Maybe it will hurt enough for you to take your life back for good and say within, "I realize that this person will KEEP doing this, and I don't want to live the rest of my life as a hostage to it!  Being alone would be better!"

There's an "I'm tired of being hurt" that leaves us sullen and dejected and basically paralyzed, waiting for the next attack.

And then there's an "I'm tired of being hurt" that wakes us up, stands us up, and walks us out the door on the long road to somewhere else.

Great explanation of neediness Waverider, thanks.

OOE thats exactly what happened. I got tired of the crap and it pissed her off.