BPDFamily.com

Hi I am  new here.  My UD13 is currently hospitalized and the P there mentioned this Lamotrigine as a possible mood stabilizer for her and upping her Lexapro to 30mg.  He told me to research it so that is what I'm trying to do.  Any input would be great as I have only been really dealing with this for 4 months.

Thank you

Hello Hangin on in MN,

*welcome*

Welcome to the Parenting board!

How are you holding up with your daughter being hospitalized? You say you've been dealing with this for 4 months... .Does that mean that your daughter seemed to be ok before that, or you have only become aware of what might be going on in the last 4 months?

I am glad you have found us - we are a community of parents in all kinds of situations with our kids, sharing our stresses, supporting each other and learning from each other. You are most welcome here, Hanging on.

It seems that the medications given to our kids who suffer from BPD mainly treat their moods. They are not a "cure" in any way. And in many cases, it's a trial-and-error way of finding out what works for any particular person... .

Lamotrigine (otherwise also known as Lamictal) is primarily prescribed as an anti-convulsant as a treatment for epilepsy, but it IS also being effectively used as a mood stabilizer.

My grandson is epileptic, and uses Lamotrigine to prevent seizures, and recently, my BPDstep-daughter has had a seizure also. So, they prescribed Lamotrigine for her (to prevent seizures). Coincidentally, as she is undiagnosedBPD, it also as a side-effect stabilizes her moods. I can actually tell the difference. So, you might give it a try, and see if it helps.

Hi. I'm new here, but wanted to jump in here. I've been on lamotrigine for about 10 years. I have bipolar. It's worked great for me, but I don't think it's typically used for teens or children. Maybe that's something new, but I would be cautious.

That might be something to consider. Our grandson who takes it for epilepsy has been on it since the age of 3, and it does help prevent the seizures in his case, but I wonder sometimes, what else it's doing to him.

Perhaps asking the psychiatrist how long it's been in use on children and if there are any known side-effects?

Welcome to the board meantcorn34!

*welcome*

Are you also a parent? Feel free to start your own thread here and tell us more about yourself:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=5.0

Thank you for your replies.  The age thing was one thing I was noticing from what I was reading.  I will definitely ask the P about that.

Honestly it's nice when UD13 is hospitalized.  I get relief and sleep. I hate saying that so much.  This is her second time in 3 months.  It breaks my heart when I talk to her and all she does is cry and beg to come home.  I know it is what is best for her, but I also feel I lose her trust.  This time she was taken by police to the ER because she was out of control and locked herself in the bathroom.  The next day (after she was admitted) I found a butcher's knife under the sink in the bathroom.

Today I cleaned and re-arranged her room and threw away anything she could hurt herself with.  I even cut the cords on the mini blinds.  I threw away duct tape cause she's used that before.

It hurts so much to see my daughter in such misery and to hear her statements that she is not meant for this world, and how she begs me to kill her to help her leave this world.

My husband doesn't talk much or show emotion but I know it's tearing him up inside.

She has always been a stubborn strong willed child, just like her mom and dad, but I always believed her behavior was just part of her.  I first learned of her 5 (at the time) suicide attempts in Feb. I took her to the doctor right away and got her on Prozac.  After a couple of months and dosage increases we didn't really see a change and she claimed there wasn't either.  So the first time we visited a Psychiatrist looking for mood stabilizers he changed her to Lexapro she is now at 20mg and once again we aren't really seeing a change in her. 

So here I am trying to deal with her and trying to get a job cause we need the money but yet I'm terrified to leave her alone during the day.

So that is where it's at... .

HangingoninMN

I am so sorry for all you have been through in such a short period of time.  It is terrifying and heartbreaking to hear a child beg to die.  My grown son does the same thing.  He just turned 40.  He has had a troubled life since his early teens, but was not actually diagnosed wBPD until he was in his 30's.  You are so fortunate that your daughter is young enough to want to work with you.

Please keep us posted.  In the meantime, we will pray that all goes well and the find the right medication for your dd.  I hope you have others at home to help and support you.  You just cannot fight a significant mental illness alone... nor should you have to.  We are here to help in any way we can.  Just so you know... .you will never be alone again.  You are now part of our family.

Thank you for joining us.

 *welcome*

Sorry to hear of your struggles.  It does rip a mother's heart out when a child wants to die, we love them so much, and they are so perfect to us we just wish we could make them see just a tiny part of that.  We understand what you are going through.  The hyper-vigilance, and trying to get rid of of everything they might use to hurt themselves.  We are here for you and you are not alone.   

Dear Hanging on,

I don't have any experience with those meds, but I wanted to join the others in welcoming you to this family.

It is heartbreaking to see our BPD offspring in so much pain and not know how to help.  I hope your DD's Pdoc gets her on a med that works. 


I know you're not alone in feeling this way!  My DD has only been hospitalized once so far, and it was the first time I could relax in weeks.  It's hard to take care of ourselves first when we're in crisis management mode.  I'm glad you're getting the break you need to rest and handle things YOU need to do.  I hope your DD benefits from her hospital stay.  Keep us posted on her progress, okay?

Hang in there!

Hugs

Dear Hanging on in MN

My dd17 has been on Lamotrigine for over a year... .it has been the one med that I thought has helped her. She is on 200mg a day... .100 in the morn and 100 at night. It took some time to get her to full dosage but I have seen some some positive signs since she has been on it. She didn't do well on prozac... .which she tried two different times... .that drug I felt increased her agitation and she was more moody. She has recently been home from the hospital and they increased her celexa to 30mg.

I really don't think there is a magic pill out there. Your dd is going through a hard time... .the teen years can be this way. ONe thing that helped my dd was finding a T she liked and could talk to ... .her T dose DBT therapy and I do feel she has helped my dd so I would encourage you to keep looking for a T that your dd can talk to. Also is there an out patient program she can attend during the summer? She sounds like she needs more intense treatment right now. How stable is she right now?

Thanks Jellibean for telling my your experience... .

We just visited her in the hospital and she is not good at all.  She started out ok but she asked about what it was going to be like at home so she could prepare herself.  Needless to say she is not ok with it.  I told her that she will no longer be able to see the 17 year old boy she was seeing behind our backs.  She is 13.  I told her that I spoke to his mother and she will help keep him away from her.  That was the beginning, I also told her we are putting locks on doors that we can lock with a key and locking her windows so she can't get out.  So she said she will break the windows to get out.

All she wants is to be able to go out at 9am and come home at 10pm.  Do whatever she wants.  She wants us to be her roommates on her parents and to not care about her.  That we are suppose to trust her even though she has only broken our trust over and over again.

She said she was going to rain hell and torture down on us when she comes home.  So looking forward to that!

She wants to go to foster care thinking they will let her run loose. 

They are going to start her on the Lamotrigine, I sure hope to God it works.  I just don't know what I'll do if she comes home and is so defiant about the rules and such.  I can't control her, so what do you do?  I 'm trying to keep her out of trouble.  I'm at a loss... .

What's the hospital's treatment plan for your daughter? What are they planning to do and when/under what circumstances are they going to discharge her - what's going to be your daughter's therapy plan after the discharge? Do they have an out-patient therapy program or are you going to transfer to a different psychiatrist and/or therapist after the discharge?

If there is someone from the above that you can talk to about your safety concerns (the possible running off at night) for your daughter (and maybe coordinate with them), it might help.


You might be in for a struggle, and you'll need to be ready for that. You will need to find a way to control her environment, while trying to keep a loving connection (a very tall order - that's the long-haul version though). You cannot control her per se, however, you as a parent have more power than you think.

In general, it's best to set up the rules in a positive way (think of it as a system of responsibilities and rewards) as opposed to a negative way (a system of ultimatums and punishments). Persons w/BPD respond better to the first, the second is often a sure way down hill fast to defiance. With the positive setting, you are giving your child a free choice. Either she will decide to do what you want her to, and gain a privilege, or she won't, and the privilege remains unearned - her choice entirely. Also, you are giving an opportunity for improvement/better behavior the next time, if there is a failure at present.

Regarding the running, I would probably tell her "we love you and we will do whatever we need to to keep you safe." (I'd be ready to call the police and report her as a runaway/missing)... .

Dear Hanging on in MN

hang in there... .one thing I think is very important is not to feel like you are walking on eggshells with your dd... .let her rage etc and tell you all kinds of things... .that is not important. She is a little girl trying to intimidate you. If she is threatening to leave your home without permission then I would call the police. The police were at my home so many times I can hardly keep track but it seems these kids seem to take notice when other from the out side get involved. So I would make sure she knows the rules of the house. If she leaves the home without permission then you will call the police and report her as a run away. Have a photo of her ready with phone numbers of her friends handly for when they come to take the info from you. I would resist sending her to foster care for as long as I could... .I know if might be an option later but your dd is young and I feel she is better off at home... .there will be plently of time later for foster care if you take that route. Right now she is trying to control the situation and escape. Is she really in the right frame of mind to work on her problems? Would removing her from your home help her? I don't think so... .it would help her escape and nothing more.

I do think there is a way for her to go out but only under certain circumstances... .I would have to have contact with the parent of the home she was going to... .it is not okay to just wander the streets for hours. She has to have a set plan of where she is going and for how long or she can't go out. It might be wiser to let people visit your dd at your home for a while rather than having her go out. She needs to know that trust is earned and not given. When she can abide by the rules then she will get more freedom.

Her threats of raining tourture upon you is kind of vague... .what does that mean? I would not hesitate calling the police. Damaging your home by breaking windows? call the police... .it really is that simple. If she wants to go to juvie then so be it... .it is her actions that are sending her there... .don't feel bad. I have often felt like I was living with a terrorist when my dd was younger... .she feared nothing and only when things got really bad did she realize the mistakes she had made... .not that she would admit that but I do think it hit home to her.

I would focus on what the H is telling you and what her treatment plan is... .is there an out patient program for her? Does she have a T? My dd is also ODD and the defiance is hard to deal with at times but it is possible. Try to reduce the power struggles as much as possible. What are your three top conflicts with your dd?

I have not had a chance to meet with the hospital doctors yet.  Wednesday is our family meeting.  She was started on the Lamotrigine today so I guess in a couple of days we should see a bit of a change. 

My 3 top problems with her is 1. she doesn't want to follow the rules 2. she thinks we are unreasonable in our rules and 3. when she argues with us she won't stop, she just keeps going and going.  Today she called and brought up stuff from yesterday.  After a while I politely told her I was done talking with her and good bye.

She wants to go to Foster care.  She told me that today.  She just does not want to come home to us.  I just can't understand.  We are not unreasonable people, in fact she gets a way with much more than I did when I was a kid.  Maybe it's my fault.  She was spoiled as our only child and only grandchild on my husbands side.

Unfortunately, we live in a very rural area.  The H is 2 hours away.  She does have a T here in town that she sees once a week.  She has a P she sees about once a month that is an hour away.  And the police are starting to get to know us pretty well.  Small town of about 10K, everyone knows everything.

 Hanging on in MN

Have you read any of the articles here? My dd17 badgers me but I do think there is a way to stop that kind of behavior.

This link has how to stop circular arguements... .I really think it is important to learn how to do this... .sometimes I am successful but every once in a while I fall back into that pattern.

What are your house rules?

Hanging on in MN, PM me! I am in the Twin Cities. I have a 14 year old DD with mood disorder. She has been hospitalized 4 times in the past year, and spent 5 months in residential treatment. I completely feel your pain! I've learned so much this year about this heartbreaking mental illness. It can be completely lonely as a parent, and incredibly stressful. I'm sending you strength, thoughts and prayers!

here is the link... .about stopping circular arguements

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.0;all