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For a long time now I've reasoned within myself that he betrayals and continuous attempts at keeping me hanging on is merely a symptom of BPD and I should feel sympathetic to the disorder.  However, i've gotten to a point where I realize it is no longer healthy for me to feel sympathetic and compassionate.  I realize now, that I need to understand that her disorder is causing her to act in an EVIL way but that it is still evil all the same.  You could make the excuse that any "evil" person has some sort of mental illness or personality disorder.  I can't make this excuse anymore.

I haven't yet been able to move on.  I broke no contact earlier this week when I saw her complete deception and betrayal of me in action on Facebook.  I feel ridiculous for still caring.  She NEVER cared about me.

JohnThorn, I am feeling this way myself more and more with each passing day.  I think of all I have done for my BPbf and how he has treated me in return on far too many occasions.  The word "evil" is popping up in my mind a lot lately.  It is evil when someone can rip your heart out and jump on it and then just walk away as if nothing happened.  Never apologizing or displaying any guilt about it.  I don't believe that BPD is an excuse, because they do know that these actions cause pain.  Even after the fact, when they've had time to reflect on what they did, they still don't care.

YES

Not only do they NOT care... .but they continue to hurt people.  The guy she's with now has NO IDEA that she's reached out to me several times since being together... .and continues to put out on her facebook page little messages intended for me to know that she misses me.  He has no idea.  And I had no idea that she likely did that to him when she and I were together.

EVIL

This is the way I see it.  My BPbf knows exactly what hurts me.  I have told him many many times the behaviour that causes me pain.  He knows.  So even if he somehow doesn't understand it (honestly, anyone should), he still knows and I would expect him to take it to heart and change those behaviours.  He never does.  NEVER.  He just repeats it over and over again.

As for the other guy and the messages on FB about missing you.  Hmm, well my bf and his ex broke up 4 years ago.  He told her to move on and eventually she did. It wasn't until she was in a relationship with someone else that he suddenly wanted her back and tried for over a year to convince her to take him back.  She didn't and is now married.  Yet he still goes to view her FB page almost everyday (they aren't friends on FB or real life anymore). 

I said it elsewhere here today, but will say it again.  They always appreciate you when they no longer have you.  It would seem that for a BP person the grass is always greener on the other side.  Sad but true. 

Perdita & JT,

My sons (14&9) and I are dealing with the same thing. My uBPDxw has the AUDACITY to leave us and is now shacking up ACROSS THE FREAKING STREET with our neighbor and X friend. The utter lack of empathy for her own kids. It's like she just SWITCHED families and acts like there's nothing ODD about it. To make matters worse she only sees our sons every other weekend but they get to see her across the street on a daily basis... .What the heck

I try to come to terms with it by saying she is just a sick and disordered person. But it doesn't always work, especially since she has told horrible lies about me being abusive to her and our kids.

But the truth of the matter is that I DO have to find a way LET IT GO and move forward.  I don't mean that I have to accept her behavior but I need to accept that she is who she is and release her because If I don't the PURE HATRED that I have for her is going to CONSUME me and she is not worth it.

Again I know where you're both coming from. I'm STRUGGLING to separate myself from her and her SICK behavior but with Gods help I WILL find peace!

These are evil people. They are wired wrong in the head. Just look at the wave of destruction they cause. I really think they offer nothing in making this world a better place. Sorry to hijack this thread... .but I needed to vent.

It's really not that simple. There are a hundred and one ways to justify an evil deed, and that is what they do. They think have been wronged and it's time they get their fair share. All the others (or at least *he* or *she*) so why can't I?

When they eventually get caught with their pants down they will take on a tough guy "evil" persona, but that is only so that they won't lose face.

BPD people are emotionally immature. Emotionally immature grownups are a complete disaster to the world around them in many ways but they are not intentionally evil, they just fail to be good.