BPDFamily.com

So Ive been facebook stalking my ex for want of a better term.

I like to think of it as building an insight into her behaviour but however you want to label it is up to you.

Ive been fairly successful in predicting my exs next move by watching facebook. Ive not blocked or unfriended her as its my only form of contact with my son.

She has been quiet for a few days and Ive been expecting her to try and reach out to me. Imagine my surprise when a load of pictures of my son appear lol. She knows that I will respond with at least a like.

I liked the pictures and nothing more was said. So last night knowing her eldest would be at their dads I knew she would be at home alone with our son and expected her to post something on facebook for attention and she did.

So I had this feeling that she would attempt to reach out to me this weekend and guess what she has.

Not a direct attempt to contact me but she has spent this morning getting her makeup on and has posted a few head shots of herself all made up and with her hair done.

Now I might be being conceited but to me this is the classic look at what your missing post. I rule out trying to hook other men as it is midday and the obvious time to trawl for attention would be the evening.

I now predict a few more days of silence when this ploy hasn't worked before I get a message from her about something practical such as finances.

Once you start to work them out its fairly easy to see which way they will go next. I thought that I was just being lucky in my predictions but everything has played out as expected.

I think once you understand their illness better then their future actions become more predictable. Im a long way out of my relationship now but last year I was invited to be a friend on fb. Came as a surprise obviously. I accepted mainly because I am nosey. She is in a long relationship now and has two sweet kiddies. That said her fb behaviour appears to be predictable and I have made a few observations:

1 - She loves to portray a rosey picture of her life. I should add though that I think we all do on these damn sites so it may not be unique to her types.

2 - She posts regularly.

3 - She posts lots of photo's of herself. Maybe this is normal I dont know.

4 - She is obsessed with exercise and many of her posts are about her doing this.

5 - She seems to counteract my updates with similar ones of her own. Ive only just figured this out but its uncanny to say the least.

Im glad she is happy and I wish her all the best.

Facebook leads to no good. My exBPDgf chased me down on FB some 25 yrs after she had dumped me... led to recycling with her (a divorce, loss of my job, etc). Used to look at her FB pages... finally blocked her 100% and quit using FB... as she was stalking me and members of my family on it.

The thing was... she had multiple FB accounts... some for people she knew and had to be respectable on... and at least one that was done as show just for my benefit/torture depending on her mood.

We took a horrible vacation together... and on FB... pics of the only smiles during it and lots of how wonderful it was comments. We split... 3 days later, she had pics of the new guy she was doing... meeting her folks with him, etc.

Suddenly he was gone from her FB pages... and she was wanting support for the medical procedure she was undergoing (drama)... eventually found out it was laser surgery for the STD she picked up from him!  lol

All in all... it introduced the person that most damaged my life... back in for another 7-8 rounds of destruction... and provided a platform for painting me black and torturing me with hurtful pics and commentary. For normal people FB is less horrible, but with a disordered partner... its toxic. 

While I agree that facebook can be a bad thing for some it can also be a good thing. As long as your over them and understand them.

I have kept facebook open to my ex as I work abroad and it is the only quick communication route I have available if anything happens with our son.

My advice if you do not have to communicate with them would be to cut all ties and block them.

Having been through a BPD break up once before I have a good idea as to whats coming and feel that I am strong enough to cope. If you don't have that confidence then facebook will be your worst enemy.

I was in the blessed position of not being friends with my BPD ex on FB and therefore only being able to see her profile and cover pics which have been the same for years. She on the other hand could see my every move as my page is open to everyone. During the months apart I have made every effort to not post any heartache etc stuff there at all. No BS "look how happy and fulfilled I am now" nonsense either. Just stone cold business as usual updates. Last time she called she said she keeps looking at my FB and that it seems I'm happy. I told her my life is none of her business anymore.

The other day she closed her FB account which would correspond with the preferences of the new guy she's with. He's a druggie drop out who hides from the world in a commune out in the sticks where he grows his own food, veg and... .that's right, drugs. He shuns civilisation and especially electronic media. My prediction is she's adapting to his world and is heading deeper into the fantasy she's creating with him in the smelly hippie commune. Considering how f***ed up she's been the few times she's called from there I also predict that drugs have now been added alongside the booze to her list of substance abuse. The sum total of all my predictions will no doubt speed up the crash I suggested she's heading for when she announced Lover Boy to me 2 months ago. I may hear all about it or I may not but I know it's underway.

Ain't FB a great thing?