BPDFamily.com

One of my biggest frustrations to deal with in regards to my uBPDw is that nobody else ever gets to see the real her. It's always displayed at home or in the car when nobody else is there to witness it. There have been times where she starts to show just a tip of the iceberg around friends/family, but never the full-blown CRAZY.  Whenever we arrive at a friend/family member's house, she's sweet as sugar, even if we just had a major blow-out fight in the car. I've also begun to notice a trend that she tends to pick fights whenever we are on our way to a family function with her side of the family. I really think now that she's actually trying to piss me off on purpose so I arrive where we're going in a terrible mood and come across as aloof and angry to her family. She suddenly turns on the charm and I look like the a-hole because I can't just instantly turn off my anger.

Has anybody here ever had the BPD person in their life finally lose it around others and show them the person that you have to deal with on a regular basis? I've explained to my close family and friends about what my wife really is like behind closed doors.  They've yet to fully see it though in person after us having been in our relationship for almost 7 years now. They have an idea of what she's like because I've confided in them and they've seen very minor glimpses of it, but never in full force. As far as I know, my wife's mom/dad/stepdad/brother are really the only people I'm aware of who've ever seen the real CRAZY.

My wife went cuckoo days before our wedding in which my mother witnessed it.

My wife went off the deep end in Hawaii in front of my brother and one of her friends.  This was one of the top 3 all-time BPD episodes with her.

My wife has lost it around her mother.

My wife has sent strange emails to my folks trying to explain what an awful husband I am for separating from her.  The logic made no sense.

The problem is that my family is across the country.  The problem is that friend in Hawaii has gone AWOL from our lives.  The problem is that her mother will make excuses and bury her head in the sand over these outbursts.  None of our local friends have ever seen this side of her nor have any reason to think she would ever be like I would describe.

It is very frustrating.

My wife is the same way.  No one but me gets to see that side (lucky us)!  I recorded some arguments secretly on my phone and played it back for some of my family and they were shocked that it was the same person.  Same thing with angry texts.  She has told her friends and some therapists horrible things about me and they accept her at face value because she's so sweet and quiet to them.  If they only knew!

my BP-friend is not good in masking, when he's angry he will rage in full public,

same for my fist boyfriend, also a BPD, he lost it completely sometimes, I remember him one night being so angry that he pushed my head towards the window of a restaurant, a total stranger came to interfere with it... .

My now ex uBPDbf has really just ever been giving me the silent treatment in public or around family members and friends and somehow people just don't think that silent treatment is so bad.

My D19 have seen him rage at me, but to everybody else he is this sweet teddy bear of a man, helpful and compassionate and because I couldn't just pretend that I was not affected by this Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde personality I feel as though I am considered unstable and the one who behind all of our conflicts. This feels very problematic to me.