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I went to the hospital, and made sure that she's to receive her wallet and phone. Tomorrow I'm boxing up the rest of her things. I managed to do it without seeing her, too.

Congratulations.

And Oh... .many personal thanks.  After being a fitness instructor, for a long time, I fell off the wagon and haven't been to the gym in a year and a half... .despite having active  memberships to three... .yes, three of them.

So your tag line has now become my huge motivator.

See, the universe is conspiring to reward you and my personal gratitude is just one bit of further validation of how beautiful is your life that it touches people so far away in such an inspiring way.

Please stay with us for a while, to share, to encourage, to give and to receive... .

God Bless...

You're welcome Palla. It's funny you should say that, I want to become a personal trainer!

Yup, my folks are going to help me box and pack everything. I think one of them is coming with me when I send her things to her parents.

Anyway, as for an update... .

Tonight maybe an hour ago, the buzzer rang. I got jumpy. Then I heard the lobby door open and close downstairs, and that made my heart race. I'm okay with noises in the apartment but outside of it... .oh boy. It's hard to realize that I'm actually scared of this person. But then again, I have every right to be. Does it really make me a weak man to be frightened of seeing her? I mean in an objective and clear measure of one's masculinity, does it make me less so to be afraid of this woman? I myself am thinking yes, but I wonder what other folks think.

I know that the best thing to do is not let her in, and if she persists to call the cops. I just don't want the police involved. Her things are still here, but she doesn't live with me so... .yeah. It's scary. I'm mostly just scared of the kind of legal trouble. After everything that's happened between me and her, this sort of thing is probably the worst. When noises at night make me (more than just) nervous.

To answer your question directly, "No, it does not make you less than a man".  If she were a man, you would not be so scared of her... .simply because you can fight back physically that is, if attacked and if verbally attacked, could let out a good stream of expletives youselves.  When threatened by a feminine force, your cultural training and moral reticence to hit a woman back comes into play.  Afterall, your conditioning is not to hit a woman.  So your fear is justified.  It is the fear of a man under attack who is in a way unable to defend himself with the equal and opposite force.

And this by the way, is your strength.  The best warriors are those who restraint themselves from striking.  This is a battle where the pacifist wins, where the one who does NOT fight back wins, where the peaceful resistance and obstinate persistence is the best strategy, where the best weapon is disengagement... .

Sometimes, irony of the situation shows that Gods must have a sense of humor... .

The kind of fear that many of us go through is mental and emotional and it is so strong that there is a physical component since we are always in flight or fight mode. Our adrenaline is in over-drive. its a natural response to stress and has nothing to do with your gender. But I do agree with palla. Males have a unique situation. It doesn't make you less of a man. You'll just be a much wiser man in the future.

I pretty much have no choice but to be smarter about relationships and things like that.