BPDFamily.com

Just when I think I am making progress, something triggers me and I am right back in a hole.

Will I ever heal?

What do I need to do, to heal?

I understand  how you feel I feel great when I don't talk to her and when we do drop offs and pick ups I wear sunglasses and don't even look at her and just run to my car

I hate her mom more then her they hid her problem from me and still to this day lie for her.they new she would do this to me and my son  just evil and selfish

You will heal. How you heal largely depends on you.  If you eventually come to the place where you focus on your own life and let go of hers (no more bitterness), you will heal well.  If not, you will have a festering wound that will never really heal over and will impact you for the rest of your life.

Time heals.  But also hard work in some cases.  I have been seeing a therapist for a few years, now.  He has helped me tremendously to find my own voice, process my feelings, and get on my own two emotional feet.  It is still hard, though.  But it gets better, much better.  I feel peace for the first time in a long time.

It's certainly not a linear process - two steps forward, one back...

Forgiveness helps with healing.

Forgive yourself.  Forgive them.  Forgive their disorder.  Forgive their pain.  Forgive the pain they've caused.

Don't be a victim.  Learn from this and grow.

AAAAAEEREEEDQEAEGGGF... .I relate to this... .Im back down in a hole too

like camuse mentions

the progress wont be linear... .

2 steps foreward 1 step back is still progress... .well at least that's what I tell myself.

Do you feel that pit in your chest and gut where your "soul" used to be?

Maternal,

We are victims.  The realization I am a victim of abuse was extremely difficult to come to terms with.  I still struggle with it.  Everywhere I turn people invalidate my experience of being a victim or imply that I want to be a victim.  Or that we would remain in touch with our abuser means we enjoy being abused.  There is a lesson to be learned but we must accept we are victims but that is not who we are or who we will be the rest of our lives.  That is why we are here detaching because we refuse to be a victim any longer. 

It takes time and work on your part.  It took me about a year to get to a place where I could forgive my BPDexgf for what she did to me (ie, filing a bogus restraining order (was dismissed at the hearing), cheating on me during the entire relationship, projecting everything she was doing to me, all the lies and deceit, triangulation with her friends and family.

It took me about a year for me to get to a place of calmness.  I saw a therapist during that time, and did things I enjoyed doing.  Didn't date anyone seriously during that year.  But you will eventually come to a place where you will accept what happened and move on, and then you really start appreciating the beauty of life and your relationships with people who really matter to you.  You will eventually take it as a learning lesson and you will see what you want and what you don't want from a partner in your life.  You will also see that the toxic relationship with an BPD ex is not at all healthy.

Hi going places,

I'm sorry you feel in a hole, I know that's difficult, especially when things are going well.  It happens to all of us, you know, this grieving thing has lots of ups and downs. 

How are you doing with the lessons on the right? ––––––––––>

The Lessons here really helped me heal.  Also, therapy, NC, and tears.

Hi Goingplaces- I feel for you, and understand the pain you have. I am 4 months out of a year long r/s. I spent many days in a great deal of pain. My advice is this. Stay away from your ex. No contact has been the #1 healing factor for me. It took about 2 months of NC for me to feel I was at a point of moving on, and making progress. It's not easy, but trust me when I say that no contact is what heals. The more time you put between him and you, the better you will feel and the more confidence you will gain. Be strong and push forward.

Yes most certainly you will heal. The healing process is different for everyone, and it doesn't happen overnight. But yes you will heal, and be happy, and life will be beautiful again.