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Title: Feelings vs Reality Post by: LilHurt420 on July 10, 2014, 01:22:43 PM Has anyone had any success with ways to get BPD's to distinguish how they feel vs what reality is. My uBPDh is constantly talking about what ifs, could have, should have, etc and thinks that because he thinks it/feels it that it means it's reality (from reading this seems to be typical BPD behavior). It makes it extremely difficult to have any type of real conversations with him. He validates why his feelings must be reality if he's feeling that way and won't even entertain what I say when I try to tell him "ok I can understand why you may feel that could happen... .but it didn't happen and is not going to happen, so we shouldn't be spending hours talking about it"
That causes him to get mad and we end up fighting and arguing. I now walk away when he starts arguing (before I would stay and argue/fight back). Anyone have any tactics that have worked? Title: Re: Feelings vs Reality Post by: enlighten me on July 10, 2014, 01:32:36 PM This seems to be the biggest problem with BPD.
The fact because they feel its a certain way and convince themselves it is and no matter what you say you cant change their mind. My uBPDexgf used to say all the time that actions speak louder than words. This is all when and good but how do you show someone you love them? Treat them nice? We all know how that goes don't we. Buy them flowers gets you anything from anyone can buy flowers it doesn't mean you love me to why did you buy me flowers what have you done. Whatever I did that most women would find sweet/ endearing/ romantic was not proof of love to my ex. Short of playing out the final scene of a Shakespearian tragedy I don't know how that one can be proved to them. If anyone has had any success with this then I will happily take you out for a beer as no matter what I tried I could never convince them that I was sincere. Title: Re: Feelings vs Reality Post by: Proud_Dad on July 10, 2014, 01:40:23 PM I can totally relate to the lack of distiction between feelings and reality, and I understand your frustration.
My uBPDgf worries constantly about the well being of our children. I too have worries about the safety of our kids, but her worry goes far beyond what any parent should feel. She will see a story on the news about cancer and worry for days that the kids are going to die at an early age of cancer or some other horrible ailment. She runs these scenarios through her head and they completly take over her thought process. She takes it to the point of being completely broken down and crying because she doesn't ever want to loose a family member. I will come home from work and she is culed up on the couch in tears as the kids are running around doing whatever the hell they want and destroying the house in the process. It is very agravating when I have to clean up after the kids if I want any sort of habitable living space, especially after a 9-10 hour day and she is a stay at home mom. The only way I have found to deal with this is to validate her feelings, but not the irrational fear. I have pointed out that greaving something before it happens id extremely unhealthy and will keep her stuck in the same loop. It doesn't always work but its about 50/50. Title: Re: Feelings vs Reality Post by: reluctanthusband on July 10, 2014, 01:48:55 PM BPD= Feeling is Fact! You can't fight it I have gone almost 14 years trying and I am just now getting a grasp of how to keep from making it worse and "training" my wifes behaivor. But remember you cant fight it. You come from a stronger position emotionally/mentally if you start out that way. A friend of mine said to me once don't own her crazy. I think that helped me out alot.
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