BPDFamily.com

Hey guys,

I was just wondering what did u do with the pics of ur pwBPD?

Did u get rid of them or still keep them?

I got rid of some of them. When I found out about my replacement I went mental and tore up the ones I used to keep in my purse. However, when it got down to deleting the ones I had on my iPhone I just couldn't do it. I transferred them somewhere else so I don't see them anymore. And even tho I know it's well over between us I still can't delete them darn pics. It's almost like I'm not ready yet. Like something's holding me back. I wonder why that is. :-/

All gone, all deleted, good riddance.

I wish I could delete them! But then again it's kind of part of my life, my past.

I think deep down I still feel attached. Maybe I need another shock. Something to make me well angry again!

Deleted every single one of them, deleted e-mails and anything associated with her, anything she left in the house, and I mean anything was burnt. The only outstanding issue I have is that she lived here with me, so I still have visions of her sat on the sofa, in the kitchen and anywhere which I cannot erase but am sure over time will go. I think you have to be ruthless.

However I do have a friend on FB who has pictures of us together but I don't look and later on when healed if I feel a need to have a picture of her then I can get one there, but hope it won't be needed!

Everything she gave me is in a box marked "TRASH". It's in the attic. All photos went in a folder called "The Bad Things".

I deleted all the stuff on my pc and online.  All the paper photos, cards, wedding mementoes etc. I put in a big box and left on his doorstep.  This was just after he left me and before I knew about the replacement.  It was never acknowledged and I guess he got rid of them because the replacement moved in shortly after and I can't imagine she wanted them.

Although when I was first with him, his ex sent him a load of photos.  He looked through them, showed some to me, including ones of them together, and left them on the shelf.  Eventually, I put them in a cupboard and as far as I know he never looked at them again.  I threw them away when he left.

I thought about sending my fave to my best friend so he can keep them for me in case I want to look at them someday.

I really need to grow up and face up to the reality it's over. It worries me that I can't fully dettach from this jerk!

I'm dealing with this right now, too. I went no contact when I found out about everything, but her stuff is still everywhere. Pictures are still on my phone. I, too, still have visions of her on my couch and in my bed.

Learnandgrow, seriously it's so liberating to do at the time, makes you feel so much better, reclaiming your space, I am afraid the visions remain but am sure over time they will lessen.

One ex BPL girlfriend I had, I found out she was sh**ging her ex for free Coke (we were engaged at the time), am ashamed to admit it now but I threw everything she had in my house out through the windows, all her worldly possessions were on my drive, make up, jewelry, clothes, pictures the lot, God that felt good! Never saw or spoke to her since.

Deleted some, kept some.

I can't deny how bad things got.

But there were some good memories along the way.

That's the struggle, isn't it? On one hand, there was this person who seemed to do so many wonderful things for and with you. On the other, after a few months, it just got worse and worse... .that person disappeared.

I don't know what I'm going to do with the pictures yet. Maybe store them away. Maybe delete them. But I know the person who did the nice things at the beginning doesn't exist anymore. I might as well grieve the death of a loved one... .that's what happens.

I burned some, the ones of us she had above our bed as object constancy reminders. A friend was over that night. He got angry when he saw a pose of us she set up of us kissing and me holding a flower... he said he saw a similar pic on her FB with my replacement. I blocked her long before that.

We have kids. I keep a few pics in the kids room of us as a family. I took down a photo of the family that was up in our dinng area. S4 asked why. I said that I didn't like it. I have hundreds of pics of us on my FB. I only deleted one because it came up every time I logged in. The rest I left. I own my page and my life; she doesn't. I don't look back over the past 5 years and reminisce (she did, I know from her browsing history before she moved out). I own the past, but embrace the future.

I got rid of the pictures, texts and letters after about two weeks. Nothing was real anyway.

I haven't deleted any. I burned one poster sized one of me and my best friend ( my replacement) that he took. I don't look at the others much but I don't want to delete them. He took hundreds of me, he's a photographer and I was his model. I like the pics even though they'll always remind me of him. I'm not ready to delete them.

BPD r/s or not I always delete all the pictures.  |iiii

Unless I look hot. In that case I crop :D

I guess it depends on your situation and how long you were with pwBPD. Married? Were there kids?

My situation: married to uBPDxw for 18yrs, 2 sons (14&9).

I have a family pic with me, X and boys in each of the kids rooms. I kept some pics of the X and myself stored away in boxes to give to boys when they are older. I also saved some pics on external hard drive for my sons. I decided to BURN all the rest. All the pics of me and her, wedding albums, etc... .BURNED  I waited for a year to do this and I have to say it was kind of sad but very therapeutic! I did this because I came to the realization that my life with her was a lie. What I thought was reality was not! I still have tons of pictures of me and my sons without her in them that ARE based in REALITY and they are good and warm memories 

The weird thing about pictures is that my uBPDxw didn't take any pictures or keepsakes when she left. Not even pictures of her kids! I find this very ODD especially for a woman and a mother. It's sad, she really doesn't have any feelings or a sentimental bone in her body. Even though I'm learning a lot about BPD on here I don't understand this behavior. Anyone else have a pwBPD do something like this?

Every single pic she had ever sent me - deleted.

Every single pic of us together - deleted.

Every single message she had ever sent me - deleted.

Every single item of hers that was at my place - returned.

Every single item we got together - returned.

Every single hair of hers - vacuumed up.

It may seem harsh but I've been to very dark places in my mind, and I refuse to let somebody who I gave my heart to, put me back in those dark places.

":)on't take advantage of a patient person, once they've had enough they never forgive"

I agree with AwakenedOne.  I also deleted everything and anything because nothing was real.

I kept the kids pics. Even left one of us when S4 was 6 months old in the kids room. That was a happy time. An awseome paper mache collage of each kid's first initial their godparents made christmas 2012 I have on their wall. That was a truly touching gift. If only they knew months later she would start actively detaching. She said she'd make more pics of the kids when I said she could take some. Had to visit her apartment finally. There is only one pic in her whole apartment... .of D1's baptism. At least im in it. A tiny one she has in the kids' bedroom. Nothing else. She's been there 5 months. I did see her college boy's notebook (with his name on it, like a kid) next to the couch today. Felt sick. I got there early to meet the babysitter and not her, but she showed up. Eh... .still in dealization phase. This could go on for a while and I need to deal with it.

I boxed all of the things up and left them in storage... .the cards, save-the-dates, and a few trinkets here and there. I have the photos digitally stored somewhere. I haven't deleted my old FB profile with the pictures. I'm not sure why I don't want to burn everything. We're all different, I suppose. Out of sight is good enough for me for now. As time has passed... .roughly 4 years, it's not as emotionally charged for me. I wouldn't want a relationship with her ever again. Maybe it's because our relationship was so short-lived that I didn't see a lot of the cheating and dramatic behavior. She went out with one of her co-workers just a few days after our wedding shower, and things just ended abruptly about a month later. I want to remember her with some compassion, but without feeling like I'm responsible for her emotional condition. 

Perfectly said.  Me too.  After a couple of weeks I realised this and was better for it.  Any time I looked at a photo after we broke up the feeling that I'd been 'duped' would surface, so I erased her 

I had a major breakthrough (and probably what would be considered a manic episode) yesterday and threw EVERYTHING he ever gave me in the dumpster.  Perfectly good things that could have been donated.  It was a waste, but it absolutely had to be done.  I felt that they were trash just like him and I didn't want them to exist on the planet anymore.  Large pictures I took down off the walls, clothes, toys he had given my son, DVD's, a lamp, a fan, even groceries in the pantry that he had bought and dryer sheets and vitamins he left in the cabinet.  I eradicated every trace of him from my house.  I tore up all cards and pictures into tiny pieces.  It was cathartic.  And the best thing was after I had been out to the dumpster 100 times like a crazy woman there was a massive thunderstorm and I'm sure everything was completely ruined.  Awesome.  I highly recommend it.

It's healing in its own way isn't it lol.

It took me 4 months but I finally deleted all emails, deleted email trash, pics, and a couple 100 of the last texts I'd saved.  I have a large bag of notes and love letters left. We always left notes for each other and he liked to write me letters while I was sleeping.  They read like I'm his soulmate, he's loved me more than anyone in his life, he'll do anything to keep me and on and on.  Shared the bag with my T today.  We agreed they need to be gone.  I'm sad about this but they wasn't real.  I wish they were but they're not and that will never change.  I'm ready.  They're gone tonight.  The bags in my car and I'm driving them to a dumpster tonight.  Or burning.  It's past time.

I burned a poster size photo my exBPD took of my best friend and I ( he replaced me with her)

It was very therapeutic. But I haven't deleted the photos of he and I together. They were fond memories of a holiday we took together. Some of the best moments of my life, whether they were real to him or not isn't relevant. They were to me. I'm 4 months out and I can smile at them now if I see one. I think if the photos cause you pain delete them. But I don't want to erase my time with him from my life. I lived and learnt.

I had pictures on my phone and some others had posted on my FB wall.  I deleted the ones on FB.  I downloaded the ones on my phone to a folder on my computer and deleted them off my phone.  It hurts too much to look at them.  Someday I may remember him as an important part of my life and it won't be so painful to do so. 

Same here, I'm hoping paint will help.

I had a "reception "  ( we had two) album that I had hidden.  It was from my brother to me and it had pics of my family members in it, many deceased .  He took it. I asked for it back , he said he didn't know what I was talking about.

There were very few of us together , but many of NPD h.  I enjoyed a beer, sorted out the pics, and burned all of his. No regrets.

I deleted emails first. Went into my IN box and then my SENT box. Searched his name and deleted everything to and from him.

Had a folder of photos and emails on Hotmail, so then got rid of those.

Had some photos stuck on my camera. Every time I used it his face would pop up. So I took it to Canon and they deleted them. LOL

Then the new IOS7 came out from Apple and you can block contacts on your phone. So I did that. If he rings he goes to my voicemail but I never get the message. This is perfect. Less dramatic than me hanging up

And I also used the block function on Facebook so I cant look at his profile and he can't look at mine

All bases covered.

Getting around to all of these devices and channels took me about 6 months. But it speeds up your recovery enormously

Zero reminders = faster progress

bb12

Yep, over here.

When she left in an outburst, she even didn’t “think” about her own baby/youth albums…. 

But a few years later in court she demanded ALL photo albums, specifically  the wedding album (huh?). Mentioning the exact date to the judge, I explained that in my anger/sadness all was destroyed by the company that takes care of the archives of my workplace.

So, she ended up with nothing and I have it all.

 

Profound to mention is that the photos of our family photo session and during which she whispered nice words in my ear, just 1 week before she left, were not asked for.

And unbelievable, she even forgot to put on the list her diplomas and belongings which she kept since her youth (that stuff, incl. diplomas I disposed).

Photos I keep (for me even a “of course”). There is a 3 decades history together. It is all stored for my kids, it is part of there roots which I never want to deny.   

Kept everything to give to my kid at a later date. Oddly enough, photos don't bother me. Most of them were taken during milestone events (b-day parties, weddings, etc. ... .) and they remind me of how angry and bitter he always was. I don't feel longing or anything of the sort when I look at those photos. All I can remember was the stress of having to deal with him.

Nothing was every good enough for him. He complained about everything. The pics help in keeping me focused on why I left him.

I still have everything... .and i am doing well...

I'm sure later i will throw stuff away... .but i am letting go internally... and thats where it counts... .some people... .can't even hold on to the stuff. ... there may come a point... where you have to put it all in a box... .in storage, in a attic...

that point will likely come.

its been said... " the stuff we own, ends up owning us"

its how strong you are. currently i just have my x as a friend on spottily. occasionally, it works, and it shows me a song she played. i won't dig through her stuff to find ... out... but i like to believe after all the good stuff that was there... the sex... everything... i can at least handle knowing she heard a rap song, or love song... or whatever. and just know that.

but I'm sure... as time comes,... it will just be something i smile about.

life is like that. we have to accept that these people we once shared a life with... will eventually move on... it sucks... but you know ... ,... if you both really tried, gave some time to think about it... and it still doesn't work... well... ..its ok to just put it down,... let it go... its ok.