BPDFamily.com

I think one of the most maddening parts of dating a pwBPD is the constant delusion and fantasy world that they live in.  Their perception of reality is so far off.   I cant even imagine how it must be to think in such a twisted and skewed way, and how a person even becomes to think in such a way.

Some examples from my past relationship with my ex fiance would be when we would discuss money, or the bills we have to pay, I would bring up the fact that I have a monthly ring payment, and she would immediately dismiss it and even go as far as denying that I have a ring payment at all... .but the reality is that I do... .but she insists I dont.  Huh?

Another example would be, I would be told that Im not romantic enough and that I dont do enough thoughtful things.  If I brought up any examples of some of the recent trips or dates I took her on, I was told that she didnt even want to do those things, that I just took her to those places because I wanted to go there. Huh?

And then to the extreme end of the spectrum, a few weeks ago I mentioned that I realized there sure are a lot of hospitals going up in our city. Her response, "I know.  Its because the government is eventually going to institutionalize all of us"  Ummmmm... .

And so on and so on... .it definitely takes a toll on your self esteem when you constantly are trying to battle to fill a bottomless pit with love, Ill tell you.  Anybody else encounter this regularly?  It got to the point where I would just literally give up trying, because I knew every thing I did would be discounted.

I won't even begin to tell you all the money I've spent on her for international trips, jewelry, clothes, homes, etc., etc. They just don't care or remember. They have no past, they have no future, they only live in the tortured present. They have BPD and its a death sentence for them, not us. She can take all my money and all my possessions, but she can't have my soul!

Yes I know exactly what you mean.  The time thing really gets to me.  They have no concept of time.

"You have been ignoring me for the past week!" Ugh I bought you those flowers you love 3 days ago and 2 days ago I talked to you for 4 hours on the phone until you fell asleep.  But yes I have a test tommorow and Ive been busy studying yesterday and today. Some how 1 day becomes a week. 

I know what you mean. I personally find dissociation is one of the more confusing aspects of this spectrum disorder. Although my ex didn't go as far as changing the boundaries of her environment, she often disconnects and recounts things differently and sometimes doesn't acknowledge that the events took place. It's like she has her own script sometimes and she doesn't give you the script and your not on the same page. It was frustrating in the r/s and would be a point of contention for me, I'd get angry and it would escalate trying to explain the real version or my interpretation of said events.


BPD BEHAVIORS: Dissociation and Dysphoria (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=68392.0)

I was never good at showing or expressing my feelings. For my BPD I took her out on trips bought her things worked around her house treated her kids as my own but it was just never enough. I just took her and her kids on a vacation. The whole vacation was based around her needs and wants. If I could have a nickel for every time I heard... .I want... .

I thought things were going well. We are.both in therapy. She kept something from me the other day. Something simple but it triggered my insecurities of all the lies and cheating she did to me in the past.  I got upset and angry. I was told I overreact and twist things and then she dumped me.

Right now I feel lime I live in the crazy world and I am crazy. Is my mind the twisted one?

She projected her dissociation on you. That feeling that you think or feel like your crazy is FOG.

I don't think it is FOG. I have been down this road so many times. How many times does it take to realize or even think that you are not crazy. My therapist says I am so balanced and see everything clearly. But I feel that my thinking is all over the place right now. I probably did overreact but I have been lied to and cheated on so many times. That this little insignificant lie just put me in a panic and made me feel that if she hid this what else would she hide. I know I was wrong in the overreaction but why can't she understand for a second where that panic came from. Also her ugly side came out. A side I thought disappeared. Low blows and shots to my self esteem. I thought  person was.gone. big mistake.

try to replace "pwBPD" with my child.


"No daddy you do not have a car installment. you are just lying to me so that i would be convinced that you do not have enough money to buy me this toy.


"daddy did not take me to the park because i wanted to ride the roller coaster. he has been to the park cause he likes this restaurant there. it does not count. he has to take me to the candy shop tomorrow."


the child talking to her sister " you know daddy is going to punish us all cause we are bad and have been bad (shame) but he doesn't know why we did this. i can't get how much he is not understanding. he is bad. i hate him. (projection)."


If you want to get over a lot of stuff you have to know that you have been dealing with a child trapped in an adult's body. BPDs failed to get a depression abandonment from their parents and they also failed to individuate (become individuals on their own). their emotional development seized but their cognitive did not and this is from where comes the dilemma and the torture we feel.

If you want to get over a lot of stuff you have to know that you have been dealing with a child trapped in an adult's body. BPDs failed to get a depression abandonment from their parents and they also failed to individuate (become individuals on their own). their emotional development seized but their cognitive did not and this is from where comes the dilemma and the torture we feel.

Which is funny because she has the textbook broken home... .depressed mother eventually cheats on father for four years, he stays with her but eventually leaves, the mom blames him for everything and then financially ruins him.  All four kids are messed up to this day (drug addict, gold digger, quarterly new multiple boyfriends)... .but my ex fiance, was and still is insistent that she is the one that survived emotionally from the whole mess.  Yet, as I have come to know her... .she is definitely more messed up than the rest.  She just pretends she knows better. 

Yup. I'm convinced that the fantasy thinking was an escape from the grim reality of his upbringing. Mine was a 10 year old boy in a 55 year old man, over six foot and black belt in karate. Scary. Came from a messed up family - violent dad, aggressive mum, early death of beloved sister who was replaced by brother... .who became a violent alcoholic wife-beater.

And yet he said I was the one that need therapy. Money well spent. I found myself and finally saw him for what he is.

How on earth did I last 31 years?