BPDFamily.com

How can they be so cold?

Tell us more, peiper, what happened?

They are not cold. They are too drained in their pain that they cant focus on anything else. You too have to focus more on yourself. You can definitely do better than her.

They act cold to protect themselves from more pain. If they didn't then they would fall apart and they cant do that. They have to keep going at all costs. Its how they survive the torment that they live everyday.

Yes, this is my understanding, too.  It is the twin scourges of splitting and dissociating that allows pwBPD to turn off their emotions so quickly and so completely.  It does indeed feel brutally cold.  I know myself and I sympathize completely with how hard this is to deal with.  And how much it hurts.

I'd like to say try not to take it personally, but I know very well how impossible that is to do.  It's very personal and it hurts tremendously.  In truth, I don't believe that pwBPD do these things out of malice.  None-the-less, the behaviors themselves are abusive, cruel, and heartless.

Yes, try not to take it personally, I know that this is the hardest thing to do since the relationship was probably so intensely personal, and you opened up to them like never before, but they do it to everyone. Every single person. Keep reading here, and keep posting. I lurked this site for a year, read everyone's stories, saw how much they related to mine and still fell back into the trap, still was shocked, after going through it before, at how cold and cruel they become in a day. But know it isn't you. It's who they are. Accept that. Accept that from this point on the worst thing you can do is stay attached, because there will never be reciprocity.


Not to discount anyone's life, but read some of the posts on the Staying board and realize how much of a struggle it is. Realize that the best case scenario is they find someone else, and their talons are out of your back. Don't bother asking answerless questions like "do they still care?" Because most importantly, for all intents and purposes their sole intention in your life was to ruin you.

Thats their only boundary they have.  It protects them. No triggers result from being cold and detached.  Remember, they are unable to allow anyone else to have a need. But them.