BPDFamily.com

Hopeful you know me now, and this is the big issue I face, so any advice would be appreciated.

I have an older brother who is a Covert Narcissist. His behaviour towards me in the past has been dangerous. He kicked me out of a moving car. He also hid my ventolines. On several occasions he sat and watched with glee as I had bad astma attacks and waited until my Dad got home and rushed me to hospital. But we were young kids then.

As an adult, he’s has called my places of work, and told them lies about me that have lead to all sorts of problems. I have been sacked on one occasion and on another’s I’ve had to present my medical records and have Police checks. Cleared on all counts. There’s also been a lot of petty theft, but mostly for gas lighting purposes.

I’ve mapped out around 7 bad covert attacks and the last known one was 14 years ago.  Bearing in mind my wife was in the Police and at the event he committed the crime, tells you how cocky this boy is. We’ve never called him up. When he attacks, he is always in the same country as me (He keeps moving country with his job) and clearly has grounds to be jealous. He does come home to my parent’s house (same country as me) 5 or so times a year. More recently he was repeatedly slapping and hitting my seven year old son. Nothing that hurt, but boundaries!  He’s also my BPDm GC and she stocks his jealously big time.

I have thought about pretending everything is going badly and hence no jealousy (I’m the scape goat) but I’m not good at lying. I’ve considered pointing out to him, that I’ve uncovered some of this behaviour – but I’ve read horror stories of what might happen if you try to lift the mask.So we are NC with him and BPDm. My main concern is what happens when he loses his job and starts living in the same country as me? He also covert, big time. So worried he might lay claim on my kids or wife. Narks do live in a fantasy world.

He lives alone in a Hotel in France (no one knows his room number or phone #) and holidays in Thailand all the time (I know). If you don’t have advice, do you have contact details of someone who may? Help !  

Hap Chapp,

Stay away from him.  Protect your wife and kids.

Nothing but bad news.

   

Have you considered legal or civil action to protect yourself and your family? Do you have documentation of his attacks on your person and character? It may be worth consulting an attorney about the options available to you.

Wishing you peace,

PF

Thanks for the responces.

P.F. We have discussed this with lawyers, but they can't understand why we would want to prosecute when there is no money to be had, and the last concrete case we had was 14 years ago. To pin him down to more resent behaviour would takes a huge amount of work. We did report his attack on our son - but the Police here term that "a domestic incident." Lawyers also point out, as he's lived abroad it’s hard.

funfunctional In terms of keeping away, I've been low contact with him since leaving home (long time). But my BPD mom kept pilling on the guilt “He's so alone, can't you help him?" The only reason we kept bumping into him, is when we visited my BPD he coincidently was there. Despite this low contact, he's recently been sniffing around my wife's Facebook and LinkedIn accounts. Considering he's never spoken a word to her and she thinks he’s creepy,  I'm hoping he’s just trying to spook us. He’s also signed me up to various e-mail alerts such as a free online class on spelling (I’m dyslexic).  But the dangerous stuff, he always does covertly. And he’s pretty good at it.

I did read the way to lose a violent Narcissist, is to repeatedly attack him at his weakest point, by suggestions.  Apparently their paranoia does the rest.  When we lived together, I was able to cut him into pieces with vicious verbal attacks. But considering anything I ever owned and cared about went missing or broke, I guess he was always reaping revenge covertly. Has anyone had success with the attack approach ? Or due to the low and now no contact, is it best to let sleeping dogs lie ? There is a level of risk by ignoringing this, but I'm guessing due to the low contact that's an acceptable level of risk. What a creepy low life troll he is. I just can't get his stench out of my cloths.

Hi HappyChappy,

Block, block... .you can block him and anyone unknown from seeing your families posts.  I blocked my sister's boyfriend and as far as he is concerned I don't exist on facebook anymore.

I read your post and got a bad feeling.   Sorry - but I react to things often based on my intuition.

PF change's response I would consider.

Why do you feel bad for the troll?    Sadly we can have "creeps" we are related too.  Even pedifiles have siblings but we don't want them near our family/kids.   I am not saying that is what he is BUT if he creeps out your wife your wife has a reason/feeling for that.

Don't let your mom's guilt trip or anyone else's emotions get in the way of you making good solid choices for your wife and kids.     

Tough lot in life to end up with broken siblings and I empathize.

Thanks funfunctional it would appear not only has the world avoided my creepy bro, but no one dares comment on him. Thanks for being daring. I'm guessing he's unlikely to have a go, if we never see him and starve him and my BPD of information. I'm guessing he's got some local source of narcisstic supply. Mind you they eat alot of garlic in France and I thought vampires didn't like that. lol

Hi Happy Chappy,

I just want you and your kids to be safe.  The key "tip off" was the slapping your son repeatedly (for fun).    Don't like that.   It is to make your son feel "smaller".  It is an act of aggression & a belittling.    Honestly, if someone slapped my son's head repeatedly I serously would have placed my body in betwen the slapper and me and told him to STOP.   I would have said sarcastically "yeah - real funny - how about I slap your head?"

   

The fact that you even think that he may try to step in and take your wife and kids is a red flag of your own intuition screaming at you.

Protect your own life & your family.

Being gentle, being kind does not mean you can't be strong & stand up to bullies.   People like this rely on other people's over passivity or intimidation factor.

Take care