BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone,

Thought I should give an update to everyone out there 

The last 3 months I have been healing and rediscovering myself. It has been the most enjoyable and liberating feeling, like breathing in pure oxygen. Leaving the relationship with my UBPD wife was the best decision I ever made. I feel safe and self-aware more than I ever felt in the 11 years together.

A few brief points:

- I have moved back to my home city and residing with family (parents and sister). This has been great for support and understanding. They are also happy to finally have their 'long lost' son/brother back.

- Still seeming psychologist on a regular basis which has been helpful to let out all the inner thoughts. She was very happy with progress and recommended changing our visits from weekly to monthly.

- I have reconnected with old friends and explained by situation to them. Everyone tells me I should have spoken up about it earlier (easier said than done sometimes)! =) I also have so many new friends with my regained confidence.

- My employer (large firm) has been supportive and understanding. Allowing me to transfer locations. More opportunities opening up with my regained confidence at work, and managers noticing this.

- Have been gradually meeting women again. My family, friends, colleagues and psychologist aware of this. I have been very open about it and discussing it in a mature way. It's been amazing to talk to women again after so many years of being cut-off and restricted due to my ex-UPBD wife's insecurities and controlling nature. The women I have met all seem so 'normal' and easy-going compared to my ex

- Am currently going through family court for custody of my two boys. Very costly but still much better than having to deal directly with my ex in a one-on-one home situation (she was often violent and very abusive). Seeing the boys regularly (every fortnight) and have my sister there with me as support. My family are assisting with some of the legal costs and are there to keep me realistic on my chances (being the father). It has also been great for them to speak/visit the boys freely without the dark cloud of BPD over us all!

The reason I wrote this was to let every suffering partner out there know that they have a choice for a better life!  :)

It does take strength and support to move on... .I understand. But know that people genuinely will be there to help you if you first decide to help yourself... .personally I could only have done it by getting the courage to ASK FOR HELP. As a typical 'strong' male type, asking for help was the most difficult decision in my life. Leaving a BPD partner takes more strength than most people have within them... .I struggled to handle it quietly for so many years.

Once again this board is such a great resource.

Will keep you all posted over the next few months.

Keep safe, stay positive, don't be too proud/ashamed/embarrassed to ask for help!

Really nice job!

I wasnt in a relationship with my exBPDgf for so long to have any child, although she wanted to have them since the beginning. But i understand that it should be really difficult to be in a situation like that and leaving and it is requires to be really courageous and determined to clear the FOG.

Im glad you did it and are doing really good after the breakup.

My breakup is quite recent but i hope to be in a situation like yours one day.

Keep strong! :)

The FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt)... .now that I am out of the relationship it sometimes feels like a bad dream about how someone could have manipulated me for so long.

I actually have many days now when I no longer think of my ex. Of course I have been enjoying my time by reconnecting with family, friends, sporting activities etc.

I am still reading regularly on related topics such as narcissism & defining personal boundaries. So many good books and videos online.  :)

Thanks for reading, stay positive.