BPDFamily.com

Love this place its helping me make sense of these things. While a lot of signs point to my ex being uBPD somethings make me think otherwise maybe also bipolar. Its sort of confusing. I might be looking into somethings too much but let me try my run down.

Went out for about 3-5 months in 2000 (she was 16 me 19). I stopped talking to her cold turkey (felt something was off and other things)

We then had some contact and messed around occasionally for 4 years.

(This im not so sure about, was it an age thing or a BPD thing? I was the one I guess you could say "holding the power"

After 4 years we talked more regularly. She had gotten out of a short relationship with her roommate and moved back in with her parents when we picked it back up. Still just talking little dates here and there.

About 2 months in she had her tonsils taken out. Wrote a note saying she wasnt sure if we should be together. Decided a week later she did want a relationship (Abandonment? I should have left then... .smh)

Had the talk that I believe most couples have (stance on children marriage). I did want those things.

Again this is another part I question the BPD.

It was about 3-4 months into actually being serious that she told me she loved me and the first time we had sex. It wasnt this overnight thing.

Very caring.

Would listen to what I would say (unless it was about the relationship, now that im thinking about it)

Got along great with family and friends.

This is where the BPD picks back up... .

She would hit her self or hit her head on things on the occasion

She was very emotional (no offense but I took it as a female thing)

She really wanted to move out and didnt like that I smoked.

However we didnt move out until 7 years into the relationship. At one point I had quit smoking and picked it back up but lied to her. She was upset (rightfully so) but still hung around.

Talked about suicide or wanting to end it.

BPD stops... .

She would support me on my career and even paid her own way to different conventions I went to for business (but she would hold it in my face later on that we didnt stay extra days to do something else with just us. I can see her point but maybe thats the BPD?)

BPD again... .

Quit smoking for 18 months moved into a house. Within a month she asked about marriage. I told her yes but then divulged further that I didnt hold it as high as her (thats where it really took a turn for the worse)

Told I supported her too much!

If I was to go to a music video shoot I would spend at least an hour talking about "video hoes" and how its not my thing. (never cheated on her once to give her that idea, fear of abandonment?)

Was accused of cheating on her at least 3 occasions.

One of the main things towards the end was that we didnt do enough fun stuff (partially agreed, and started doing more things) She would always throw in my face that I didnt act sooner. Not happy that I was doing it now.

Broke up with me at least 4 times in the last 3 years.

In my first relationship (not her) after breaking up I was severely depressed and put cigarettes out on my arm (very unhealthy I know, much more healthier mentally wise). When she asked what the scars were in the very beginning I was honest. She would always throw those in my face. Asking if we break up would I be as sad and do the same thing? I told her no, because I was in a healthier place and why would she keep looking towards the end of us?

Said that it wouldnt be fair if we broke up that she was with me in the long haul and that if I became super rich she wouldnt be there for the time she was in it with me.

She had blocked me multiple times from leaving when I was getting upset. Would follow me to my car. Threatened to leave me, I said fine. She would still be there. She began pushing me. One time popped the lock on the bathroom door when I had locked it to get away from her. (I actually think some of this was all on one occasion lol)

After doing all this work and seeing a therapist we were doing better, however we got into an argument small but she didnt follow the protocol we agreed on. I admit I lost my cool and was rude because I felt disrespected but she didnt do 1 thing I had asked it was all her problems with me(Narcissist?)

When she moved out I was devastated. She had the I guess, clarity to say that she felt bad for me but that she wasnt the one to comfort me since she was the one that did the hurting to me.

We were to take 3 months apart and see therapists. During that time she accused our initial couples therapist and I of teaming up against her.

She said I was rude so I made sure to be more calm. When I was calm she asked if I was using reverse psychology.

I did the things she asked of me in the 3 months that I felt were valid (didnt quit smoking). I am met with a "but", or her new one was that we wanted different things out of life. She didnt change one iota. Seemed to be more pompous than anything.

Said fine I will give up my happiness and get back with you since what you want is so important, weve been doing things your way all along. Complete fallacy and thats something shes been saying for the past year (thats with therapy too!) No changes.

The 2nd to last time I saw her (which was supposed to be the last) I gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek and said goodbye. She began to sob and hyperventalate(sp) more than I had seen her do at any time in 3 months.

Talked to her on the phone the following week (4th of July) told her I missed her. Had a heart to heart she was crying.

Talked to her 2 days later about picking up 2 items she left here she was venomous. She ended up then leaving a book on my porch while I was gone (thats another story). So now theres 3 items!

One time I said that I missed her. She said she cant keep doing this she was going to commit suicide. Yelled that she didnt want to be with me and hung up the phone

Asked to give her a note. I was met with anger and she said we needed boundaries. When I said there was no need for boundaries she started to rage and said that I didnt love her. What the heck? Ended up having a heart to hear about marriage.

Last day I saw her I gave her my 52 page letter lol. For somebody that didnt want to talk she followed me to my car. She said the same BS put the stuff on me of course took no responsability (sp) for anything. I remember her saying if we get back together "I would resent you" What the heck AGAIN?

Its like talking to a freaking sick disgusting wall. I know she has enablers and I know she is messed in the head I just dont know that its all BPD. Thoughts?

I still have her 3 items here (which I believe will be used for contact) and in 6 more hours it will be 7 days with NC.

Thanks!

I also forgot that shes been right there with me when my dad and grandmother passed.

And another thing about feeling abandoned. In the very beginning I was always late picking her up. She would get mad (understandably so) I fixed that issue since it was valid. That didnt seem to set off any abandonment issues (i.e. telling here Id be there at 7 getting there at 8)