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Title: Chickening Out Post by: sixthsense on July 17, 2014, 03:43:59 PM Hi Family!
Today is the day that I am supposed to walk away from the dysfunctional relationship with a BPD. We're three months into the silent treatment and I've been advised that she has basically split me black. I had it all planned out. The note I'm planning to leave her is ready to go. The note is short and sweet, but to the point... .basically telling her that I have to look out for my wellbeing. I chose to leave her a note because the silent treatment has worn me down and I'm afraid that I'll get emotional trying to have a discussion about it which may add fuel to her fire. Why am I waffling? I need to do this. I'm now reciprocating the silent treatment and have shut down. While she's not talking, she appears to be a little uncomfortable with my new stance. Maybe a little off balance? Now, I'm almost feeling sorry for her. UGH! I'm wondering if I try and have a conversation with her about what's happening will she be eager and relieved to talk to me or view my attempt as weak and exploit the situation even more? Why can't I just walk away from this pain? I need to walk away! The pain of staying is immense and now I'm already feeling the guilt of leaving! I'm so STUCK... .i feel like I have blocks of cement on my feet! sixthsense Title: Re: Chickening Out Post by: LettingGo14 on July 17, 2014, 04:12:57 PM Hello Madison19. Just some thoughts, not answers.
Why am I waffling? Because you are a genuinely nice person who cares about another human being. It's natural to feel discomfort. The fundamental thing to recall is that you are taking steps for your well-being. You are acting because something about the relationship is contradicting your authentic self. You ought to be free to express yourself, rather than repress in silence. Agree? Now, I'm almost feeling sorry for her. UGH! I'm wondering if I try and have a conversation with her about what's happening will she be eager and relieved to talk to me or view my attempt as weak and exploit the situation even more? Here's the challenge with trying to get her to understand: whatever you say may, and might well be, held against you. You could simplify to say, "I'm sad we don't talk anymore, and I need a change." Not sure what response you'll get. Why can't I just walk away from this pain? I need to walk away! The pain of staying is immense and now I'm already feeling the guilt of leaving! I'm so STUCK... .i feel like I have blocks of cement on my feet! Be kind to yourself, my friend. None of this is easy. Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (the "FOG" is real. Have you read this? https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.20 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.20) |