BPDFamily.com

Some of my words will not click with some members here who are still in the FOG. I was there once. Look at you now. Just now. You have a house. You have a computer and internet connection and food and shelter. You are richer than most people on earth. You have your vision while reading this. You have hands if you would like to reply to this thread. You have your health. At that current moment you are surviving and doing ok. But sometimes our minds tend to focus on the past or the future which cause us suffering. What you really need is hope. Hope that life will be better. And it will if you are going to handle this situation the right way. Take control. Be kind to yourself. Change does not come in a day. It takes long time but it is very rewarding. You brought your issues to the table of the relationship as much as your ex did. But the difference is that you can relatively find change easy. It is very hard for ur ex to change. She is controlled by something that i dont care anymore to label it or say its name. Make this difference between you and your ex happen. Change. Take control. Life throws us with a lot of stuff. It is gonna happen wether you like it or not. The difference between people is that how they handle these stuff, sort what should be kept and what should be discarded. There is this song that really resonates with me during my healing process. It is by a band called pink martini and its called hang on little tomato.



The sun has left and forgotten me

It's dark, I cannot see

Why does this rain pour down

I'm gonna drown

In a sea

Of deep confusion

Somebody told me, I don't know who

Whenever you are sad and blue

And you're feelin' all alone and left behind

Just take a look inside and you will find

You gotta hold on, hold on through the night

Hang on, things will be all right

Even when it's dark

And not a bit of sparkling

Sing-song sunshine from above

Spreading rays of sunny love

Just hang on, hang on to the vine

Stay on, soon you'll be divine

If you start to cry, look up to the sky

Something's coming up ahead

To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to his advice

When change is hard and not so nice

You listen to your heart the whole night through

Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you

The hardest thing for me is remembering the person that I saw, trying to escape and express themselves from behind that mask that is applied to hide.  I saw her for who she was at times and loved her for that person behind the mask. 

When screaming, crying and raging was the only time she was able to come out and express her pain.  When I think like that I know that I cant feel anything but sorrow.   That person was worth the effort but that pain must be so hard to overcome. 

Thank you AJ. 

We all have obstacles in life. Ways we could improve.

Change is when we choose between worse or better options.

We all have chances. Some embrace them. Some run.

Thank you for this, it gave me both motivation and hope!

I need to tell myself, I am free from an endless emotional roller coaster, up and down each day, black or white... While i tried my best every day to stay positive and gave her my whole life. Her anxiety "please down leave me, you are my life, you are the only person in the world I trust and love" , to her depression, to her anger, to her happiness -> To suddenly, out of the blue, getting dumped a month ago, and have NC me since that day... Till the day she suddenly left she begged us to get married soon, have kids, and I had just bought "our" dream home. Now she is partying and meeting new guys, while I sit here alone in our home, feeling so lost, betrayed, and shocked.

It is true, we need to remember: We can change, we can grow, a BPD will sadly never change. I need to remind myself, to find any hope for a future, than sunny days will come for me. That I will find true love one day, mature love (not "take care of" love), while she will forever go up and down, black / white.

AJ,  

This is exactly what I needed to read today. I listened to the song also.

Thank You,

AO