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I want to share this article and I encourage you all to read it. Young answers many of the "whys" regarding the actions, the behaviors, the d/ds, and so very much that we all struggle with as the recipients of these deeply hurtful actions by outlining the schema's and modes that the pBPD existence depends upon.

When I was in t for PTDS as a result of my r/s with a pBPD, I would speak of the many hurtful, confusing actions my ex continued to bestow on me in his final dissociation and abandonment of me.  Things like taking an entirely different route so he would not have to even see me, overnight it seemed, of the final split. The deep pain my heart would feel when I would subsequently see him in the community during those months, as I was missing and grieving him so hard, and he would notice me and immediately retreat, turn his back, and go elsewhere. The ignoring and deliberate cold response when he continues to see me presently, leaving me struggling with thoughts that I never existed after such a deeply bonded r/s together. The lack of any closure at all. I struggled so deeply to understand this all in healing and most as recently here on my last thread.

I would say things like to my t such as, " Why doesn't me miss me? Why didn't I know this mean, cold part of this person before? Where is the man who opened all the way up to me in full emotional bonding and is now able to just ride right by me, like I never existed?"  She consistently answered with the following; " There's a terrified young child under all of that behavior." After reading Young's article, I now understand what she meant. The Detached Protector.

https://sites.google.com/site/cognitivetherapycenterofli/self-help-materials/borderline-personality-disorder

Thanks for posting this Cared!

Very informative read. Really shed some light by classifying different behaviors and moods, plus the motives/reasons behind them.

Hi caredverymuch 


It's an interesting article and a really clear explanation of how Schema approaches Borderline.

I've been working my way through Jeffrey Young's Reinventing Your Life but I assume this is taken from his Practitioner's Guide to Schema.

He's very coherent and persuasive.

Thanks for posting

Reforming

Hi caredverymuch. Thanks for posting. I found this article very interesting and helpful.

I think the schema approach has a lot going for it. It helped me to increase my understanding.

I could always see the innocence and the inner child of my BPDgf. I dont think it is apparent to anyone else or they might call it something derogatory. I have always used this as a reference point when things get complicated... .but oh, how much carnage a child can achieve in an adults body.

Yes this article was extremely

Helpful.  It really helps me to understand "who" I was talking to with my ex.  It's sad because I miss the vulnerable child but she will only show me the detached protector now.

Hi all,

One of things that struck in this article was Jeffrey Young's observation about the relationship between CSA and BPD.

"Girls are more often sexually abused, a frequent feature of the childhood histories of borderline patients (***reference)"

I think this article was written some time ago so clinical perspectives may be different now and I realise that this is a delicate subject and a possible trigger to some members but I wondered what others thought about his conclusion?

Reforming

Very useful. I wish I saw this 2 years ago.

Some thoughts I had:

Would it be possible for a partner to utilize some of these therapy techniques. I wonder if it could be useful to learn to recognize the different states like abandoned, angry, etc and then respond appropriately according to the state.

"superimposing the image of a small child or infant over the patient can help the therapist understand the patient better and know what to do."

This maybe could be a useful technique.

On the other hand being a partner is somewhat different than being a therapist or a a parent.

Even therapists are having a hard time with these patients, maybe it is not really possible for an average partner to handle this even if they knew about it. A pwBPD may trigger the therapists (and of course the partner's) schema.

It may be too much hassle for some.

If you're familiar with the faces of the BPD theory (detached protector, vulnerable child, healthy adult, etc.), probably you know that there's a detached protector. Any hints how to detect if a pwBPD is in that 'mode'? Is detached protector cold and distant or it just may seem nice and warm, but odd in a way?

In my research while I found that DBT does well in treating BPD nothing came closer to explaining what was actually happening in the psyche than schema therapy.