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Title: Light bulb moment Post by: calmboom on July 23, 2014, 05:39:02 PM So its been two weeks of ST from uBpD BF.
It just dawned on me today that he has given the ST at this exact time of year for 3 years in a row. I seem to forgive and forget and did not remember that it has occurred each July. Jul 2012 He gave 4 days ST after I asked if he would move his chair closer during a concert. Jul 2013 He gave 7 days ST after I asked him to pick the restaurant for lunch, "this time". Jul 2014 Ongoing ST 14 days+ for asking if anything was wrong after he seemed to ignore me at a work outing. Each dysregulation event was proceeded two things: One, by a time of really close involvement with me, like a vacation trip, and Two, also proceeded by a fairly significant drama event with his xW or children. I'm smelling a pattern here. Each previous time he has comes back, a little cold, saying that he was not good enough for me and that I wanted too much... . He usually stages the comeback around my birthday. That's still two weeks away... . Title: Re: Light bulb moment Post by: Rapt Reader on July 23, 2014, 06:37:03 PM That's very interesting, calmboom. Almost like the Seasonal Affective Disorder-type symptoms and behaviors that plague my Husband. He gets depressed every winter right around the end of January, when he can't go outside and do work around the house and yard for the 3rd month or so; he has a hard time sitting still, and gets very negative about himself and his life. Like the winter will never end and he can't see the light at the end of the season's tunnel. It really always amazes me; after 60-some years, you'd think he'd realize that winter does eventually end, and spring is right around the corner and he'll be able to get outside soon (but winter is very long around here; about 6 months long).
Are your insights as to what is going on in his head helping you deal with the Silent Treatment in any way? Do they make it any easier? Have you connected any of the dots? Like, does the weather or time of year make a difference, or is it just coincidental that it happens every July? Happy Birthday, by the way :) I hope you have a good one, and things ease up with him like the other times... . |