BPDFamily.com

I notice on this website that several people noted how their BPD would show compassion or interest for their cat or an injured bird, but not so much for people. Recently Rolf Harris, a children’s entertainer was sentenced to 8 years for child sex crimes. This Australian man was in Australia’s 100 most trusted people. He was lauded as a national treasure and had been decorated by the Queen of England. Again this man was an expert on empathy; his latter days were hosting animal rescue type programs for kids, as he was so good at showing cuddly care towards little animals. The lawyers in his trial were able to expose a dark narcissistic side (takes one to know one). He is believed to have a personality disorder.

Strikes me that showing a caring empathetic side to animals, is an easy starting point in faking empathy. Animals’ aren’t going to notice you’re faking, humans might. Doe anyone out there had a BPD or N who could fake empathy or love ?  Any seemingly kind or self less act I can remember from my uBPDm and I can always see a clear benefit to her. My BPD use to say she loved people and talk about it, but can’t think of a single time she demonstrated this (unless there was somthing in it for her).

My other question would be, my BPD has been bragging about gifting my kids money, but again no action. She also uses it to control by saying “Right I’d better change my will then.” As my kids are young, they kind of expect it any day now, and my BPD says it’s in her will.  Am I right to assume, that my kids will be disappoint? At what age can you explain BPD to kids? Thankfully we have a good income, but my kids being very young have already spent this gift. Considering my BPD assumes we’re going to look after her in her old age (not). I expect she’ll be changing her will like she changes her cloths (once a week). Anyway, have you seen love and empathy faked ? Do you think my BPD is leading my kids up the garden path, I mean what benefit is there to her once she’s gone ?

hi happychappy    I haven't been following the rolf harris case, but could believe that he has npd.  from my experience BPDs express empathy when the situation relates to them.  everything comes back to them, they are like vacuums.  they don't seem to feel emotions or empathy for others.  only if there is an end result that they will benefit from socially, financially or otherwise... .out rolls the empathy.  BPD to me is a very mentally calculating disorder... .everything is done or said with motives of self/ego benefit.  what's so confusing about the disorder is that they seem to have so little awareness of their behaviour, like a psychosis or lapse in memory for their behaviour.  the BPD's I've known say they feel love, but I think they have a very different idea of what love is.

BPD's will grab anything that they feel has any emotional hold over others for their sense of power.  money is a big one.  the only way out of this is not to show them what you have emotional involvement/investment in.   I wouldn't count on anything from them in life or after it. it can just lead to disappointment.

what benefit is there to her once she's gone?  she feels like she got the last word or manipulation of you.  love doesn't behave that way.

1.  My mother could project the image of the perfect mother in public.  I'm sure I'm not the only one on these boards who can say that either.  So many of us suffered in silence because we knew that nobody would believe us if we tried to tell the truth.  Any time the public mask might slip was excused with, "She's your mother, she does so much for you, she tries so hard... ." 

2.  Any action done or money spent was counted as a chit to cash in later.  I knew never to ask for anything because it would become a debt which could never be repaid enough.  And yes, until I wised up, my mother would use anything that was important to me against me or to control me.

As far as the will, when I refused to break off my engagement, as a last ditch effort, she tried to threaten me with not getting certain family heirlooms.  I do remember saying to her, "Things?  You want me to change my mind about something so important based on whether or not I'll get things?"  I remember her looking at me as if I had turned purple.  She just couldn't wrap her head around that.

wow, you just reminded me of when my uBPD grand mother died.  uBPDm hoarded all of her things, especially her jewellery because it holds the most financial value.  when I was little I used to sit on my grandmothers lap and play with a long necklace she'd wear. she promised me she would leave it to me in her will.  other foo members heard her say this too.  when she did die, uBPDm promptly gave it to her brother who turned it into a ring and never wore it!  she knew it was left to me too.  to this day I only have what my grandmother gave me directly before she died and when she got senile in old age, uBPDm changed her will so she got a heck of a lot more money and cut others out.   

I can also relate to them giving things/money only to hold it over you later.  everything has to be re-paid ten-fold.  its best not to accept anything. 

crazynomore:   are you nc with your mother now?