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I just wondered if anyone had information about BPD distortion campaigns?  I found the info which starts:

One of the classic behaviors of a person suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder is the vilification campaign. The target is the person against whom the perpetrator Borderline conducts the vilification.  The intent is to destroy the target’s reputation and thereby destroy the target’s relationships with family and friends, employers, co-workers, doctors, teachers, therapists, and others. The intent may even be to force the target to leave the community, put the target in prison, or even kill the target.  As with so many things involving Borderlines and their typical inability to understand or respect boundaries, there really are no limits. They will use basically any means available to them to cause damage to their target, including denigration, endless disparaging remarks, fabrication, false accusations, and even teaching others (including their children!) to lie on their behalf as part of their vilification campaign

The link is here


www.angiemedia.com/2008/12/29/BPD-distortion-campaigns/#.U9Kd5tq9KSN

Just wondered if any others had experienced something or has research on the "cycle" of this.  I now have my sister sending texts about about lurid police statements she has made this week regarding my father and his abuse of her and me? Dragging me into her drama.  Just need to understand the cycle to understand, and keep calm, so far have managed to predict getting sucked into the drama, but would really appreciate any info/experience you may have, thanks very much.

Hi Leelou - I also recently found out about Distortion Campaigns which perfectly sums up what my sister has been doing the past year.  It basically describes the lies they tell with the aim of blackening our names, and turning people against us.  I found that everytime I responded to my sister, pointing out the truth, and how what she was saying couldn't be true - however gently and kindly I did it, it just sparked another nasty text or letter with even more mad, and ridiculous lies.  I have found some good articles on pathological lying which is very much a feature of my uBPD sister's behaviour.  So my only advice would be to ignore - where possible - the lies - as the literature on "feelings are facts" indicates - they seem to really believe these stories, even when contrary evidence is staring them in the face.  Logic, and explanations etc. just don't work, and they will only deny these lies later, or possibly genuinely not remember them, even when you show them the texts or letters!  JB

Thanks for your reply, Linda Maria, a year of this, and trying to keep the truth of sanity - I bet you've been on a roller coaster.  I think we have accepted she lies and there is no point correcting her.  So we just roll our eyes and change the subject. 

If you confront there is a row, so we've been just ignoring her lies but now she has convinced herself and others they are true.

It seems there is a blue print of what happens.  There is no reasoning with my sister.  So I went NC about 3 years ago after all my life thinking something doesn't add up here!  She is a lot younger than me and I felt quite bad that we had no relationship, so I tried to form a relationship, but I just got used.  It was my husband who said no more, after another family rescue mission/post suicide escapade including police helicopters looking for her (can't believe I just typed that but it is true, Gawd no one could believe it!) But now her lies have escalated as she has attacked my father, so feelings matching facts is what she is doing, at the moment.  It's hard, as her police statement references me being abused, I feel I am getting pulled into it again, I don't want her drama in my life.  But am sure police will want to interview me.  Husband says don't contact any of them for 10 years, quite right as well! 

There must be documented research on this subject somewhere.  Thanks very much for your reply totally understand your comment - no matter how kindly or gently you point out the truth it just sparks them.  It's dealing with the allegations.  I do mindfulness techniques, and distraction.  But the mind is on a washing machine cycle.  I will not reply but still am like a broken record going round in my head, am sure will be ok tomorrow

Googling and reading help, but there needs to be more research on this subject.  But I guess it's just so embarrassing that when you are through these cycles people don't want to talk about it.  Thank you for your replay  |iiii

The more I think about this issue, the more it makes sense.  Latest texts seem to indicate that she is trying to garner support and allies with my mother and I against my father.  Vilification.  She is trying to discredit the target against family

She was officially diagnosed 3 years ago with this condition, nobody warned us of what can happen.  It can't get any worse than this, surely?  We thought.  We were wrong.  I have deleted Facebook and put my phone on silent.  Will she turn on me now, I think I am in the "good" camp at the moment, but when will I get to be bad? Or has she cornered me into her camp of being a co-victim?   I guess with BPD they cycle so rapidly you don't know when the tide will turn.  NC feels relaxing and doesn't feed the fire.  At least we have a very strong diagnosis of her issues.  Tonight will be rocky.

Again anyone with experience of this cycle, or case history please post  thanks

Good grief, with my parents and I doing NC she has really escalated.  Kid taken away, can't go to parents.  Evidently assaulted a police officer last night and is in jail.  Lots of missed calls not getting involved.  The trained professionals can deal with this.  They are now experiencing what we've dealt with.  It needed to happen.  Keep calm and let the drama unfold.  Can't believe it's been so quick though!

Hang in there, and I'm so glad that the professionals are involved and that you're keeping out of it! Three cheers for you!

Thanks Claudia.  My mom broke last night and had a good cry, she doesn't often cry.  So I think it was good for her.  I know it sounds flippant but it does describe the situation, just get the pop corn and watch the drama unfold.  Don't get involved.  It's the total thing about they lie to feel better and they do, but then they end up feeling worse, so she has got drunk and assaulted someone as her feelings are running so high.  I hope they section her so she can stay away from the alcohol before this gets any worse.

I feel like a drama queen myself, typing this, but it is real, it is happening to my family right now. 

Just typing it all down makes me feel the reality of the situation instead of it just running around my head.  You really feel like a washing machine - get the dirty news in, wash it in your brain, spin, then drain.

It needs to finally be over now

Thanks Claudia, again!  Just re-reading all the support.  Today I have had child protection ringing me and they want to discuss my sisters son and if I can look after him.  I am torn.  I have told them of the drama, and explained the NC.  My sister has told them of the NC!  I discussed the lack of support we have had for her condition.  I think they have under estimated her condition.  The health care professional I spoke to was very nice, and understood.  When I spoke about the lies, the distortion and my husbands stance of NC with anyone.  She said, " ah you seem to understand this condition",  we have lived it for 35 years!  Of course.  But this forum has made helped so much, the chills and the repetition of stories seems oh so true.  Can't, but can, believe now my parents are not there she turns to me.  Emotional blackmail does not ever stop.  I type on this post just to make sense of it and to try to piece it together.  I know she is dragging me in, my husband is NO!  But there is an innocent 3 year old... .what can I say to him?

My father does this. For many years he has gone on a campaign denigration by telling a lot of relatives/some neighbors/etc how crazy I am, and that I am a lazy bum. He refers to me as "crazy ass" when he is on the phone with someone.  He tells them that Im a nutcase who spends all day in my room (which I do only because he harasses me when I'm in the living room or kitchen/etc) I have no access to these relatives, so I can't defend myself. My neice/nephews visit, and i'm always in my room so they just presume he's right... .I'm a crazy nutcase... .they have no idea that when I'm in other parts of the house he verbally harasses me.  Of course he hides this when we have company

IMO If someone were to snap, things may work in his favor. he has pretty much told anyone who has come in contact with him that I am not mentally stable, a bum, amongst other things. I am desperately trying to get out of this situation.

I've come to realize that this behavior stems from extreme insecurity and low self esteem. He's threatened by me and wants to keep me at the bottom at all costs. Unfortunately, he's winning. Nobody ever confronts him on the sabotage. If a relative was calling me everyday, and routinely referring to someone as a "crazy ass" and belittling them, I would call them out on it. But no, from what I gather, they just let him blather on and on about how nutty, lazy, crazy and worthless I am. Even my sister has witnessed this and not once has she ever tried to comfort me or anything. Is she that jealous of me that she would rather see me suffer? At least a hug or some kind words would do. But noo, she remains silent and acts like nothing is wrong with his deviant behavior. It sickens me

Hi Leelou!  So sorry it's all escalating again.  My situation is not nearly so extreme as yours, but I know what you mean about the washing machine cycle - it has taken a long time to stop obsessing about the situation and feeling hard done by, given the injustice of the accusations and stories.  But it does get better - you find yourself, little by little, going longer and longer, without thinking about it, or being able to dismiss it quickly when it comes into your mind.  Stay strong - you will get through it.  JB

Damn. This is hard. =( I have no idea what I would do in your situation - I really don't. I would do a lot of desperate praying that there would be a healthy foster family for your nephew instead, because really, even though you could give him so much of what he needs right now, it would cost you - and eventually him, probably - a lot to do it. Maybe too much.

I am so sorry this is happening to you.  My uBPDsis is not nearly to this level (and I hope she never gets there), but she has done a great job on social media to portray me as some awful person and that she prays for my poor children.  So many people respond to her that I had to block her and just realize that I can engage her and keep it going, or just ignore it and hope that the people I care about realize she's lying.  I really hope things get better for you.

Thanks for your comments and support.  The obsessing thing is what I am going through at the moment.  This is serious.  I just wish more people knew of this, we are the victims of BPD, not the perpetrators. Just wish someone would have warned us

Thanks so much!  Wish someone would have warned us.  It's like a game of chicken, the stakes and the attention demands just keep on getting higher.  Now it's come to this.  Bpd destroys families.  There needs to be more help/understanding from the authorities.  Borderline personality?  It's a spectrum disorder ok, but do people understand it verges on psychopathy.  If I say my sister is a psychopath will we get the protection?  Do people believe it?  I am posting,hopefully, to warn people, it can get this bad.  I would not want anyone to go through the past 30+ years we have had

Good grief this is abuse.  Do you anywhere where you can go?  The erosion of your confidence must be horrific.  But this should like projection - he projects his feelings onto you, as really all these comments are about himself... .so maybe next time he makes them smile inside and say to yourself YES YOU are crazy, a lazy bum, me am staying out of it!

Kharma

That is verbal abuse.  Unless you can separate yourself from that you are always going to be spinning your wheels.  He doesn't want you to succeed.   Sounds like he likes feeling superior to you.   This is not a typical parent attitude.

I agree with whoever said move out. 

You have to have a plan.    Either to find roomates or keep yourself so busy working and schooling that you are not home much.  Then move out!

So sorry... .you don't deserve this.   

Funfunctional

Just an update, for anyone experiencing this.  Hopefully it's ok to post this, can the moderators let me know if this is inappropriate?  Please PM me.

I would just like to document what is happening, what can happen, especially for others.  I would not like any other family member to go through this.  If someone had warned us years ago we could have stayed out of this drama and not let it escalate.  If I can post this and it stops one family going through what we are experiencing I will feel at least I helped - I wish I had had this warning years ago of how bad it can be.

Ok my father was interviewed by the cops.  With a specialist lawyer.  Mom is a paralegal, so we have speed dial lawyers and advice.  He is broken.  The claims are false.  The abuse occurred the year after I went to college (convenient).  Little bit of cognitive reasoning, I suppose.  However, at that time, my father couldn't walk for two years as he had a severe back injury just before I went to college.  She has forgotten that.  His medical records and physician can confirm this.

However the destructive nature of these claims are destroying my ex military, proud father.  He served his country and his daughter says this?  My father has never had a speeding ticket.

The cycle of destruction continues.  We don't talk about anyone but her.  An event happens, you think it can't get worse, the calm, happy-ish memories, then bang another terrible event happens.  It can't get worse?  It does

It erodes your reality - you accept the cutting, the suicide attempts as normal!   Why didnt the authorities warn us?  Borderline personality is not the correct name.  I understand it is a spectrum disorder.  But this is what can happen if left unchecked.  Borderline - what does that mean?  Emotional disregulation?  This is vindictive, this is destruction.  This is not borderline this is Psychopathic. 

My mom has to write everything down she is finding it therapeutic.  Has anyone any research or case history/ experiences like this?  Please let me know.  Feeling quite low and a bit sick at the moment.

But hope it helps someone in the future. jeez I feel by writing this no one will believe it and am I being a dramatic?  it's unbelievable but true

She still only sent one disgusting text before she assaulted the police officer.  I have not replied.  I think on some level she dare not contact me.  As I will not reply or she knows I know she is lying.  Her daughter's allegations are the time, my sister was sectioned twice in one year.  So I can understand the confusion she felt.  This condition needs a massive warning.  Anyone with the condition get help and don't end up like my sister.  For care givers boundaries and NC if too traumatic.  We are not trained to deal with this.  But are like lambs to the slaughter if we allow the condition to go unchecked 

Agree.  My mom and I have both come to terms with your very same sentiment.  The child is better away from this.  Even if we do look after him, we will have years of abuse from my sister.  Head versus heart.  He is beautiful little guy, but I hope he finds stability.  Even if I want to help, I can't anymore.  It's awful

The distortion campaign component of life with someone with BPD is one of the worst things to suffer through.  My husbands' surfaced, I believe, after I got stronger over the years and his straight-out older verbal abuse tactics just didn't work anymore. 

Know you are not crazy.  It is indeed what it is called-- a distortion campaign.  Explain it in those terms to your Borderline and anyone they try to manipulate into believing it is true... .And as well tell the docs involved, his or her primary care person... .Whomever.  Raise the shades so it can not fester.  It's all we can do about it, but that is strong in itself.

The lengths they will go to is stunning.  I've said for years she just wants us all to feel the same as she does - chaotic, angry, depressed.  Wants to drag us down into the hell that is her existence.  Well she managed it, with a distortion campaign she has been running for years.  She is a psychopath, no feelings for others, tormenting and playing with our emotions as we are puppets in the play/drama that is our life.  They use our feeling like strings on a puppet to manipulate us.  I hope and pray that the authorities are experienced in this and the truth will come out

You and your family are certainly going through a lot. That must be really hard. It sounds like you are taking care of your boundaries, and that is a good thing.

I'm not sure if these will be helpful to you, but they come to mind:

PERSPECTIVES: Conflict dynamics / Karpman triangle (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0)-->about the roles of Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer, and how to stay centered and become Creator, Challenger, Coach instead.

TOOLS: Dealing with ruminations (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103396.0;all)-->some tips for that "washing machine" you've got going on

COMMUNICATION: Responding to hostile email after the divorce  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=133835.0)-->Outlines the BIFF technique for responding to inaccurate statements when necessary

Wishing you peace,

PF

Thank you for the next items is shall be reading, really appreciate it.  I know this is the end of it, but why we were so stupid?  Ah, hindsight is 20/20.  I think we are very strong and thought we could deal with it, but we can't

Leelou, I hope things are settling and somewhere there are moments of peace for you and your family.

Giglis, I appreciate what you said about wishing more knew about this BPD and the destruction they leave.  I have been planning to share knowledge of all my uBPDexH has been doing with our primary care physician as he is an amazing doctor, but who has apparently bought into the charms of the BPD and has no idea my ex is both extremely sick…AND a drug addict.  I agree wholeheartedly with your idea to let people know and not help the BPD bury it all just to escape our own shame for putting up with it.  We have nothing to be ashamed of!

Hope thanks for your comments.  It's the timescale between the start of a campaign and the realisation of the person they drag into the campaign that it's distortion, that is so frustrating.  A sort of wait and see as the people they have dragged into the campaign believe that they are the victim, so no matter what you say, you are the bad guy.  Trying to state the truth is met by "well you would say that".  The stories told are so lurid that they must be true, how can someone lie about that?  Well they do and they prey on normal emotions to their own end.  I just hope to god the authorities see through this campaign.  Hang in tight.  There will be yet more to come.  The drama created will only satisfy for so long, another "fix" will be needed soon.  Will another victim be picked?  Or will another attack happen against us?  Don't know, I am putting it to one side and managing my day, can't do anything else.  Doesn't stop the sick feeling that hits every so often.  The why?  It just is I have to tell myself.  There is nothing to be done but ride the roller coaster ups and downs.  We will get off the end of this ride and protect ourselves in the future from this disease.

Hi Leelou, so sorry to hear it all continuing.  This board is a great place to vent, and get support - and everyone here knows how much that helps.  There's not that many other people, however great friends they are of yours, who can really understand what it's like to endure this, that's why I often reply to people on this board - initially to offer support - then I end up venting, and feel a bit guilty that it's become about Me Me Me, but then other members reply to say they appreciated your sharing, and it feels good that you've vented and maybe helped someone else as well.  The obsessing took a while for me to stop - I had a very good friend who listened and listened and listened and was a life saver.  But at some point I also took a decision that I had to let go, because making myself ill wasn't helping anyone.  The other thing I found hard - thinking other people might believe some or all of the stories - more and more I am realising that the people being told these stories, while they might believe some of it, or not be sure, for the most part - they know something is not right, that this stuff doesn't make sense, but they are doing the walking on eggshells thing and not confronting the person with BPD because they are afraid of the reaction.  So they lay it on you, because they know you are a reasonable person and they think they can say those things to you.  I don't think people really are completely fooled, they just don't know what to do, and they don't want to get involved - they can see there is something odd about it.  The more time they spend around the BPD person, the quicker they see it, as the contradictions start, and the stories get wilder to keep their attention.  For me, removing myself physically from the situation by being NC as far as possible, and - when people who had seen my uBPDsis wanted to ask me about it - I would just say there was no point talking about it - it would all be lies - but how could they know for sure - so there was no point in me telling them the horrible truth - it would just put them in an uncomfortable situation.  I think then they started to realise a bit more.  They have always known me as a calm, easy-going person, why on earth would I have suddenly turned into this monster?  Just doesn't stack up.  Wish you well, keep venting and posting - it does get better.  JB

Thanks JB, you feel so selfish posting, but I guess sharing experiences helps, a problem shared is a problem halved, etc etc!  It's better typing than letting it run round your head all the time

And it continues... .now I have the father of my BPD sister's daughter texting me lots of abuse! (They broke up badly years ago, now it seems they are brothers in arms in this campaign)  Think they all have issues.  Bit of a shock, but I was waiting for something. The angle of the abuse was "I thought you were the sane one"... .can't believe you have been fake all these years... .I am going to court so you can never see the child again.  You are messing with her head (because I am trying NC with them all). 

I don't want to see the child or hear from you again!

They don't seem to understand I have a completely different life to them.  I don't see them, I don't live near them, I don't have drama I am not part of the "cast".  The distortion campaign continues and obviously going NC has meant I am next in line for the vilification campaign.  Crazy making.  I just think i will document everything and keep calm.

But very personally abusive texts, designed to make me make contact, so they can have a go at me.  Luckily all of my social group know about this, so I don't need worry about damage limitation.  I can imagine how someone who is in the close proximity to this would be so worried about what others would think.  I take comfort in small things.  But would secretly love to batter their heads together with a Indian truth stick or maybe inject them with a truth serum, with men in white lab coats getting them to admit/see the truth.  Ah that's just in the movies, makes me feel better though... .got to laugh or you'd end up at nutty as them.  Felt a bit shaky when the texts came through, but now have put it in perspective by typing here, I don't mean to make light of it, but there comes a point where you realise this sounds like a plot from a film.  Unbelievable, physically my neck is tense.  Stopping the mind from wondering reading a book, but jeez! The infected sickness keeps on going |iiii

That sounds like a good plan. It's good that you are learning to detach and realize it's not really about you personally--it's their distorted thinking.

Some years ago I created a business to boost my husband's ego.  I saw greatness in him.  He thrived, we ran the business together.  Well…reality check moment-"I" ran the business and his world at home and everywhere in between, and made it so that HE could function as the head of the business.  I had no idea of his BPD back then.  He "seemed" appreciative, he "seemed" to love the "partnership".  Boy did that shift drastically.  It was maddening, I couldn't understand why he couldn't function like a normal human being/grown up.  Fast forward through the years and due to the unique nature of that business, he has amassed a following on social media that makes him feel like a rock star.  His use/abuse of social media has morphed into a place where he:  rants, rages, gathers sympathy…and DISTORTS.  He is a complete fraud and no one knows but me.  WOW how horrifying.  He actually used his public, business page to announce our divorce.  For a while I stayed active on social media to try to stay active and "try" to stay abreast of the distortion.  I soon realized trying to fight the distortion campaign is completely out of my control.  I would never be able to compete with the private and text messages and his meeting with people to share "his" version of a story that simply isn't true.  My dearest friends and family and the people who matter, know exactly who I am and what the truth is.  If they are unsure of the truth they are comfortable enough to ask me personally.  The rest mean nothing to me.  I (albeit temporarily) have removed myself from social media to give myself peace and time to heal without feeling the pull of insanity to stay connected to his irrational behaviors.  Time and karma will expose the truth.  My ex husband is double-disordered:  drug addict + BPD.  I have no control over any of it and I can only take care of myself.  Giving up trying to control what is entirely out of your control is one of the hardest lessons to learn.

to r

Hi all!  Just remembered something else uBPDsis did last year.  When all the nastiness was at its height, in one of her letters to me she mentioned she had contacted CRUSE (a bereavement counselling service in the UK) and they had suggested that we go to a session together.  The implication was very clear - that she had gone and explained how awful I had been, and they had told her that grief sometimes causes people to act irrationally (we had recently lost our mother), and so she was trying to support me!  I think she must have been desperate for a new audience at that time, so the CRUSE service was the latest target.  Later on, long after I had said I would agree to selling my mother's properties (previously I had suggested something different but she insisted on selling everything purely to spite me, as she will be worse off as a result, made no sense, long story), I was pushing for us to have a meeting with our probate solicitor to confirm who did what.  There was no way I would meet her without a witness as it would have been all accusations and lies, and total denial of anything we agreed.  She then wrote and said she would be happy to go to mediation!  I wrote back to say I had no idea what there was to mediate on as I had agreed to her wish that we sell everything 5 months before!  I think she was desperate to get me in front of someone who she would see as on her side, so she could continue accusing me of all these dreadful things.  But there's no way I would give her the satisfaction.  Their thinking patterns are truly bizarre.  JB

PF Change, yes, yup.  Thank you for your brief words.  It still makes me feel sick when you are dragged back in.  I still feel lost in my heart, but my head knows what to do.  And this is after 3 years of NC!  I think the wounds never heal, but we know there is no point.  I just always hope.  I hope for healing 

Hope, keep strong.  Good grief  keep on going, keep it together.  Must be awful for you.  I doubt my integrity at times, but what can you do?  The first, second, third attack on your character, is hard.  The attacks when they stop is even harder because you think what is next?  Then another shot comes from left field?  Then you are dragged back into it.  Am having a good day, great success at work. I am Managing to keep it together, no one has any idea about this, just vent on this forum! Listening to old fleetwood mac songs and looking at the stars with eyes full of tears - they will not be there tomorrow

I don't know how you managed the funeral! I don't like writing I, but this is a personal perspective, "I" can only imagine what that must have been like, after all you don't have feelings (sarcasm drips) you must be one strong woman!  Must have been hard, JB.   

I dread that time and can imagine the drama that would happen.  Never mind going through probate - I keep on telling mom and dad to make a will cos I know I will have the same issue.   

Funny how she picked cruise, with my sister I dream about jerry springer or Jeremy Kyle as a showdown location, but same thing.  Some person who they think "are on their side" and you have to justify yourself to.

Now this has escalated to a judge, far, far, more than I imagined, but we still have the same scenario - where they want to push their truth, but in the end it is futile as what do "I" achieve? Answer nothing.  What does my sister achieve.  Nothing.  So what is the point? = futility

But boy do I want to knock their heads together!  And get a stormy big sister type reaction on.  But we are NC, it is tough not reacting, but that is what we must do.

Am out of the FOG but it still clouds my glasses sometimes, keep strong and thanks for your support  |iiii