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About half of my day today was spent with bfBPD crying: not him but me. I took a stab at breaking it off again and it's had me crying profusely after several days of no contact. I'm pretty sure my dog is more reactive to my upset than my bfBPD. How do your PWBPD react when you finally let down your guard and start showing emotions--especially crying? We have been together for a year and this is one of perhaps 4-5 times where I just let go. The withdrawal period of NC from him felt like withdrawing from a drug and I think it made me highly emotional when I did see him. HELP!

Mine told me early on that she found it very disappointing when men she looked up to turned out to be emotional. A phrase I didn't think much of at the time, but was a big red flag. She reiterated often that she had no time for partners who were needy, emotional, sulky, down, sad, whatever. She demanded positivity at all times, "strength".

When things started to deteriorate, I got very upset and stressed several times, each time she simply did not react. If I asked her to stop, she just did not hear what I said. She said I was sulking if I was upset about one of her massive rages. But of course, she could be as emotional as she liked and I had to drop everything to try to help.

She had no empathy for anyone and actually became angry if I showed any concern for anyone - stating that I should care only about her.

Quite why I put up with such behaviour, I now have no idea. Shame on me

My BPD gf thinks it's the greatest thing ever when I am able to show emotion, and that I'm "one of the few guys that does show it deeply. She is attentive when i show sadness + crying, BUT... .as a deeply introspective person I rarely get a "window" long enough TO suss out any tears before her stuff takes front and center, and I'm usually painted as not being sensitive, cold, and mean, and she's "the emotional one" which is not true, I've always felt things deeply too, I'm just denied it exists, am steam rolled, or when we go through her episodes, I am too levelled with anxiety and stress and feel backed in a corner... .I don't have room to cry, when pushed into fight or flight so often.  She translates this to "I like to make her cry because it doesn't hurt me", when in reality feeling frightened for my health and sanity due to the chaos and wanting to run for the hills with everything i own at 3am even though i feel like collapsing from exhaustion just being in the house for BPD marathons.

But yeah, she likes that I can be emotional, while denying it exists when it's shoved into a corner until the storm blows over.

I've known others more like that someone described here though, acting "creeped out" by anyone eles's emotions, especially male.

Also, one thing i noticed early on before the BPD stuff showed itself, was when i did get emotional, she almost seemed more concerned with her "performance" of how she comforted me, than being connected on that level, as guilty as I feel for noticing/thinking this.  I could be wrong, but maybe it's a trait others have seen here?

My uBPDxw didn't seam to know how to react when I was full blown depressed any was crying all the time because she was leaving me after 18yrs. I remember one time VIVIDLY when I was in pain and couldn't stop crying. She looked at me confused like when a dog tilts it's head. It was so weird, even in my condition at the time it registered with me as odd. I think it was just a physical expression of her lack of empathy. They really don't connect with other peoples feelings.

Another time way back in the beginning of our relationship I was depressed and crying at my Dads sudden passing. I was lying in bed crying and she stood beside me and said "You're no fun anymore" ... .What the heck... .major  red-flag. I wanted to slap her! Here I was in pain about my Dad dying and all she is worried about is me providing entertainment for her like I'm a freaking circus clown. But now when I think about it I understand that she just doesn't have the capacity to feel for others... .VERY SAD!

MWC *)

When my ex saw me cry each time, she would hug me and pad me on my back

Exactly they want a sociopath and a white night. 

There was no hug, no comfort,  no matter how serious the issue. Just that blank stare and matter of fact coldness. I was diagnosed with an incurable illness. I sat at his kitchen table and lost it. He spoke to me as if we were discussing which stock to purchase.  I was sobbing and said, I dont want to die. I have too much living to do. No empathy,  just kept washing dishes. It was always can I rub his back, his feet, massage this or that with the promise "And then I'll do yours". Right... .if there was any gesture of even bringing me a plate of food, it was robotic and foreign like in nature.

In couples therapy years ago, before I even had heard of BPD, the therapist nailed her and called her out for her bad behavior.  I cried (I'm a man and I don't cry) because it was the first time ANYONE, including therapists and her friends and family, took my side on anything and saw her behavior.  She criticized me for it and said I'm not a man, etc.  WITCH!  Please excuse my venting.

Oh... .sometimes with the topics here I have to start laughing for what I endured, or I will start crying.

So... .my ex is suddenly running off to new hero, (please do the whisper thing) but she says that there is no one.

My head knows she is cheating on me, but my heart is no where near that realization. So, in a "moment" (I think, if this is even possible) of remorse for what she is doing to me, she makes an overture that she should kill herself.  Now, As much pain as I am in for how twisted I am being treated, I suggest/beg that she see a therapist... I mention it to her parents (who really cared about me), as well. I really cared about her.

Well, she eventually gets a therapist (got to hand it to my ex... .she finds THE most unprofessional person that I ever sat in a room with IN MY LIFE... the T may have been pwBPD, too. LOL)... .YES, I made the mistake of going to a session (There were supposed to be 6 sessions, yeah right!), with her therapist. DUH! Her therapist had billed the sessions as closure counseling.  Now I did not know about BPD at the time, so... .of course... .my ex had been lying to her like she did everyone else, and playing the whole victim thing. She did not admit about the cheating or any of her actions that caused me all of this emotional pain and God knows WHAT she told the T about me. It was soo obvious at this point that she was lying during the session about the cheating, hanging her head down in shame, etc... but the T said nothing.

I was so upset, realizing what I had walked into that I started to cry, and the T says "we didn't come here to get upset"? (Wait... .wasn't I in a therapists office talking about feelings?) Then she says to my ex (as if I am not in the room), now this is having just met me 15 mins ago mind you: "Well, he isn't exactly marriage material."?

Now, if I had not been so depressed and dumbfounded I would have stood up and walked out, after I told the T what I thought of her, but I actually was in shock as to the goings-on. I thought I was halucinating. Outside of the office my ex looks at me and says: "You aren't coming back for any more of this (abuse), are you?" Cold as a cucumber. No admission of the cheating. I said not for any amount of money! I left there a totally broken person.

Wow... .did this REALLY happen in my life?

In spite of all that, today, even though I am a man, I vent my feeling with crying if I need to. MY T is totally behind me on that.  

My uBPDexgf also said to me when we met, that she didn´t like needy and emotional men, and added that she felt very guilty for hurting people, so she couldn´t stand to know that someone would be crying because of her. And I went through all of the abuse trying not to show my sensitiveness and hurt. One day, when she asked for NC after we broke up, I finally broke down and cried a lot in her face. It was a pathetic display, but at the same time, I´m glad that it happened, because I´d endured so much, I needed that. And it felt good to express her my emotions, also.

But she just stood there with a guilty and anxious face, like she wanted to run away immediately. I think this episode was traumatic to her, and made her be very afraid of coming back (she´s a waif / hermit BPD).

The bottomline is, I don´t want to be with someone with whom I have to contain my emotions, that would be a self supressing r/s, it would be sacrificing myself and my wholeness for a non reciprocal and very poor affect giving r/s. That´s the trap that they get us into, and that has to do with our attachment style with our infant caregivers. A trauma bond.

High-Fives... .all around! |iiii

The only times my BPbf has seen me cry has been as a result of things he did/say.  There are no hugs or kind words.  He becomes cold as an ice cube.  Absolutely no warmth, no concern.  I'm expected to hold it together at all times no matter what he does to upset me.  I on the other hand am not allowed to put a foot wrong EVER, which I never do deliberately anyway, or I am made out to be the most awful person ever. 

It really is all about their feelings all of the time.

He seemed uncomfortable with strong emotions. His responses reflected his discomfort. He didn't try to connect with me when I cried.  I had to initiate a hug or embrace. 

If I didn't initiate that, he would pass tissues while seated away from me.  During one of his rages he mocked me for crying. 

I was with my wife for 20 years and I never cried. She told me that it was healthy for a person to show feelings and that i was supressing things within me.

But I quickly learnt that her reactions to people's feelings became the main drawn in every relationship she was involved in. I learnt that I could be sad and angry if someone we both hated or disliked had upset me. I learnt that I could not be sad or angry if it was because of something my wife had said or done, because she couldn't handle the feelings that it created in her.

Another reason I did not cry or show much feelings is because she could use it against me. She always had a hangup about me being "mr perfect" and made a far to big deal out of single mistakes I did, like when I occasionally forgot something or that one time when I lost my temper etc. Despite her chronic amnesia she remembered everything she thought she could use to make me seem like an out of control person (which was what she felt like herself).

Mine was a little different than everyone else's. If I was crying over something that didn't have to do with her, she didn't really care at all. But if she was the reason I was crying or something, she would comfort me. Unless she was upset. The only times she comforted me was when she wasn't mad and she was in a certain mood or something. But at least she actually tried sometimes, rather than being cold.

When we broke up after I found that she cheated on me, few days went by and I tried working things out, and I cried in front of her multiple times, and she cried in response to it, which never happened during our relationship.what she always did was just tried calming me down by just doing something I liked(sexual). Seemed to be the only thing she knew to do in that situation.

But then there were the night's I'd sit outside crying and she could care less. Or when my family member died and she could again care less.

they feel nothing. simple. my wife was the coldest person ever (well, one of her personalities was) and then the other personalities were clingy and filled with abandonment fears.

I am so happy to be free of her.

i only cried once in front of my ex, because of how nasty/crazy she had acted during a really big event in my life. long story short it was a performance i had been working hard for years to get to, all my friends and some family were there, i got accused of not giving her enough attention (i couldn't, i had to perform and run the show)... flirting with other women (all bs), ended up getting cursed out by her throughout the night. i had to try and put on a good face in front of everyone then at the end of the night search for my ex furious and cursing at me walking the streets. the next day she continues to rail at me about how terrible i was and i finally broke down, telling her, why couldn't she see that this was one of the most important days of my life and that she tried to destroyed it for me? when i finally cried her mood changed immediately, comforting me, hugging me, crying with me. i seriously think for her that she just wanted me to feel as horrible as she did, and when i finally broke she felt like she had a friend in hell.

Mine would.look at me and say... .really you are such a.drama queen.  I was not allowed to cry or show emotion. It didn't matter if a family members died or if she abused me. I was a drama queen. 

Omg yea! This is exactly what I heard.

your post made me laugh until i cried out of laughter. i am so sorry. i do not mean to be mean but as you said sometimes we have to start laughing at what we have endured.



the black comedy of ganging. I am really sorry for what you have been through and i am glad that your therapist validated you regarding this.

AJ ... .I can laugh about it now and I am glad that you found humor in it,too.  The great part of the experience is the inner message ... .It is ok and appropriate for all of us to express happy or sad emotions with a little crying sometimes. Apparently the value and beauty of that release is wasted on many BPD's (and at least SOME of their therapists! LOL!).

Thanks!  :)

When my mom had a heart attack my BPD complained that I was spending to much time at the hospital and not enough time with her.  Wth?  But don't worry she used that time wisely and hooked up with an old high school friend and informed me later that she was going to have him move in with her and her kids. Priceless!

willtimeheal,

That's sick.  Sorry to hear that.

Your story reminded me of when my dad complained bitterly to me that mom was hardly paying any attention to him.  I stood there dumbstruck-- because it was at her dad's funeral service!

My dad isn't BPD so I thought it good to remember that self-centeredness is not just a PD thing.

The first rage/devaluing experience... .I started sobbing. He said, yeah, you cry.  Go ahead and cry.

Sometimes I had to cry to pull him out of a rage. It worked he immediately calmed down and held me and told me he was sorry that he didn't want me afraid of him.

Thanks to all--thank you for validating and informing and yes: helping us laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Most of all, thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone. Another writer on this board wrote that my bfBPD has played a major role in my not feeling alone--that I finally felt heard; right up until I have been devalued at which time I felt more alone than ever. I do believe that our crying confounds their mirroring of us and it does make them very uncomfortable as it reminds them of their own pain and loneliness.  |iiii

This is exactly what mine would say, drama drama drama……! It would be unusual for me to cry in a relationship but I cried plenty in this one. She would wipe away the tears sometimes but that was about it, she'd just look at me never really sure what she should be doing, she looked awkward, uncomfortable, almost as if she felt a slight amount of guilt (?) am sure she never did though.

Mine said I was weak and I clearly remember her saying 'this is hardly attractive, what makes you think I want to be with somebody who would cry, you're really not strong enough for me'... .

My wife was initially attracted to me because I did not seem to have any emotional needs of my own. But as soon as I started respond in natural way to her actions she thought I was overreacting.

Her last words before she left me was that wanted to find someone less sensitive.

What I wanted to say (but did not, because it would have been pointless) was if she would find someone that unsensitive then that person is ill, possibly dangerous. But on the other hand I know she was not altogether serious. She was just trying to get the last shot before leaving. At heart she knew she had ___ed up and basically outstayed her welcome in an irreversible way.

In getting healthier my pat response to anyone, doesn,t have to be a love relationship, says to me "oh, you are being to sensitive is "or, perhaps, you are being too mean?" Or aggressive, or whatever adjective fits "their" behavior. ... and if I watch closely, I am usually in the presence of a bully... .once I become aware of this, I can act accordingly.

I stated almost as much to mine, said if I didn't give a ___ then she'd be fine, but the mere fact I did feel for her was not fine, it was almost as if she would be better off with some bloke who treated her like ___ and had numerous other girlfriends on the go at the same time.

She disagreed and simply said she wants someone who treats her like a "Princess" the stupid thing is I was treating her like one and she kicked me in the teeth, no respect.

Even when saying to her that "I wouldn't even treat my enemies the way she treated me" she wouldn't/couldnt even comprehend it, instead suggesting that I had to simply "deal with it"

So so shallow.

It was used against me.

Wow... this is unbelievable. I'm sorry... .That one triggered me! Even if I don't know you!

The thing is that when we are feeling sad or weak or anything else than positive they see themselves in us. Remember they can't feel happy themselves. They need other individuals in order to feel that emotion. They lose their fantasy that everything is good and magical.

Weak moments are one of the excuses used when the devaluation starts. Eventually, we become a trigger for them.

THIS. This is my ex. WOW. Could never show weakness, vulnerability, sadness, despair ... .just always, ALWAYS had to be strong, in control, and a freakin' source of entertainment, responsibility, and an emotional boxing bag all at once.

He even thought he had the right to dictate HOW I should respond emotionally. I was supposed to take his garbage, and be OK about it too.

And that blank look everyone describes? God, how I hate that look. I could be crying hysterically, and he'd just stand there like a dog with its head tilted, wondering how I made the cookie disappear with a sleight of hand.

My favorite was when she would wake me up in the middle of the night because she couldn't sleep. When I would ask her what was wrong she would say... .can you rub my back. Are you freaking kidding me!  You woke me up to rub your back!  FU!

I will echo all of this. It never fails to amaze me how similar all our relationships were. I had to maintain a constant 110% positive vibe at all times. If I didn't, I'd be treated with coldness and indifference, sex and intimacy would be withheld like some reward/punishment instrument at her discretion. I was able to keep that positivity going for a solid four months and although exhausting, it did provide the best four months of my life. If I could have somehow maintained that momentum indefinitely, I'd still be in paradise perhaps. Part if me can't see what she sees in her new/old partner. The guy just doesn't look like he has the energy to even get out of bed in the morning never mind keep her laughing, smiling and entertained like the court jester I was... .and yet... .they're together and we are not so who knows. I went over the top, singing Disney songs in public, dancing with her in the supermarket, letting her cry on my shoulder and vent her problems with other people/work/life, cooked dinner and served her every night, full body massages, walked her dog... .everything I could do to give off that positivity.

First time I showed any other range of emotion besides euphoric, it was all downhill from there

Goodness, so many similarities.

Mine also said she wanted to be treated like a princess. But to her this meant disregarding everything in my life except her - friends, work, anything.

I also managed to maintain the 100% positive emotion for about 4 months. Only complete positivity and hedonism was acceptable to her.

If you were 3 and saw you hurt your dads feelings and he was crying and scared of you how would you feel.

Well that has never happened to me according to my recollection... .but I think bewilderment.

these stories are just heartbreaking.

my stbxw blindsided me and moved in with somebody else. we met twice after that, which were the most horrific experiences of my life. she repeatedly refused to address the consequences of what she had done but 1: discussed it as if it were gossip, 2: expressed nothing but self-pity ("i'm not proud of it!" and 3: when i broke down weeping she ran out of the room.

Mine just told me: 'stop the fake crying' and went to the other room to sleep. 

I only cried once in front of her. After a couple of days after the breakup i went to her house to talk it over. I cried like i never cried before. She cried as well and i think she felt bad for me to some degree. During the relationship she actually found it strange that i never cried(i hadn't cried since my grandma died and that was 15 years ago). She would cry at least once a week.

The worse day of my life I can remember so far was exactly a year ago. It was right after idealisation stage where I was unclear what was happening and she 'd behave weirdly. I was really in love with her at the time. We were at a wedding and she was flirting with another guy in front of me. The guy was just coming out of a divorce was there by himself and was trying to discern if we were together. After a few mins, he asked her indirectly (so what's up with you two, are you in a music band together?). She said no but didn't say anything more than that. After a few more minutes he asked again directly this time 'so are you guys together?'. I waited 2 seconds to see what she was going to respond as she wasn't responding I said yes and right at that same moment she said 'we just met... .'. I would later figure out that this was my punishment for talking to her 'abruptly' a few mins before we met the guy.

Anyway - I swallowed my anger and kept my cool at the time. She could sense (or was hoping) that something was wrong though. So afterwards she asked me if there was anythign wrong. When I told her that what she said was not cool and to explain herself she denied it. She said she didn't mean it like that, then that I didnt hear her well and then that what she actually said was that 'we just met 4-5 months ago'. Which in itself is not even an answer to a direct question of whether or not we are a couple... .

At any rate, we went to my flat which was close by and denial and gaslighting followed for hours till the early morning hours. I couldnt get her to accept what she said and I was desperate - I didnt know that she was BPD at the time. I was 100% sure of what I heard but she was so insisting, I was losing my mind, I didn't know what was real from what was not, and then I basically broke down. I started crying out of desperation. I don't often cry. I have shed a tear or two but I don't remember ever properly crying/sobbing in front of woman before. You know what she did? After 3-4 minutes she started crying too and telling me about her difficulties at work and her financial situation. I coudn't believe my ears. This is the worse night of my life so far.

Thanks for reading all this.

I remember absolutely weeping in front of him twice. On several occasions I leaked a tear or two. One of the reasons I walked away was that whenever I cried, he'd just stand and stare at me, or ignore me like it wasn't happening. I didn't want him to DO anything, but just a hug would have been nice. It was an odd, lonely, isolating experience.

Mine would pretty much ignore me for a bit until guilt got the best of her, then she'd do something very minor like put her hand on my shoulder, or ask me to come to be and just put her arm on me.

The day she ended it, she spent the night and went through the motions of being warm. But was cold, and it seemed to be her way of making herself feel like a good person for giving me 1 more night.

This was confirmed the next morning, as she was packing up... I couldn't watch so I went downstairs. After a period of silence I went up to check on her, she was crying her eyes out. I was happy, not cause she was crying, but because she was finally showing some emotion about this whole thing. The BU was so cold and angry.

But... when I asked what she was crying about, she started saying things like she wished she could go to sleep forever and never wake up. I was thrilled! I felt the same way!. Then she continued, what she was upset about was that SHE felt like a bad person. Not about missing me, not about losing me, SHE felt bad about herself. She had broken up with her last boyfriend the same way she tells me, and I comfort her and tell her how wonderful she is. Basically exactly the ego boost she was looking for. And i left with the memory of the only tears she shed including regret for how she broke up with not just me, but her last boyfriend.

I will never understand how someone so needy in most ways... Needing constant contact, reassurance about decisions, proof of loyalty and affirmation of my feelings for her, could be so freaken cold when it comes to sorrow/empathy.

Mine could not process tears. I would get called weak and a victim. She would get visibly shaken and a look of confusion at tears, expressions of love.

When I was with my ex borderline girlfriend my dog died early on during our relationship and i cried quite a bit and she was very supportive of me. But after the idealization phase if i cried she wasnt the least bit supportive. She would rip on me and call me a drama queen,mommas boy, baby, etc... .She actually cried very little or showed an emotional side. I asked her why she was this was and she said her mom taught her not to growing up and would make fun of her if she did. If she was upset she would go into silent mode and it would take serious coaxing to get her to talk... .it was so frustrating. At the end of our relationship she had me so stressed out and depressed i actually made an attempt to end my life. I remember crying hysterically and she started with the degrading comments which is what made me make the attempt... .the lack of empathy. She actually broke up with me cause of that attempt which is a hard pill to swallow... .i was devastated. I tried being friends after the breakup but it was impossible... .i felt so betrayed by her for leaving me at such a terrible point in my life. If i would try talk to her about us i would get emotional and she would flip on me. The last time i talked to her she said i wasnt a real man... .that really stung. Its funny how early on in the relationship she praised me for being a sensitive guy.

I fell sick with the shingles and my exBPDgf thought it was me testing her to see if she would look after me?

I was run down from walking on fricking egg shells... .

Funny you brought up shingles... .I actually thought I was getting shingles when I was with my ex because I kept getting these red hives all over my stomach. It turns out you can get a rash from being stressed out... .never knew that.

My ex told me to stop being so sensitive.

I don't understand their reactions at all. Are we not allowed to cry? That wasn't what they ordered? We are not the Barbie or GIJoe that they ordered? They ordered the one that would attend to their every need. Mattel dolls have no needs; why should we? My exbfBPD had no idea how to respond to my tears, so he would say; " GO WASH YOUR FACE." It felt like he was looking for a line from a script, and that was the best he could do. It was creepy.

My ex left me after 20 years with the words "I want to find someone less sensitive".

Every single time for those 20 years when she had hurt me, she convinced herself that it was me who was too sensitive.

Then she would admit to me she knew it wasn't so, that it was in fact the opposite. That not anybody would put up with her and that a "normal sensitive" person would propably have left her years ago.

But then she was back in "You're too sensetive" mode again.

My ex used to get angry and say I don't know why your crying because basically it was all about him!

Pardon me for saying this... .but it's ALL so psycho!  

It really is crazy. And its really sad.

My DxBPDw would belittle me when I cried in front of her.  She would say things like "God!  You are such a wimp/drama queen/baby".  The worst one was when we were talking about getting divorced and I began crying and she said "I cannot wait to be done with you so I don't need to see you be such a girl.  I want to find some young stud who will f*** me silly instead of crying around me."

It has been a while since I recognized how abusive her words were.  It has just been until recently that I realized how emotionally shut down I became in the relationship, fearing the constant rejection of any emotional display.  More than 2 years after the divorce, I am slowly coming back, but it is going to be a long road.

My UxBPDgf only heard me cry once, over the phone, this past June.  Three days after she broke up with me we had a phone conversation. I was thrashing back and forth between anger, desperation, sadness, confusion, and negotiating.  She felt very bad when she heard me cry and began crying herself, apologizing for hurting me so.  But when I asked her to hold on and not leave, she suddenly grew cold and with humorous disdain in her voice said "Oh please!  Stop begging."

I think it was at that moment that she painted me black, or at least a dark shade of gray.  After that, I believe she saw me as weak and broken.  She said as much to a friend, afterwards.  It was at that point that the full detachment started.  After that, any interaction we had was initiated by me and her communication grew more and more distant.  In the end, when we talked, it was like she was talking to a mere acquaintance. 

Moral of the story:  they will always paint you black.  It makes no logical sense, but they will do it.  It will never change, because they cannot change.  For most of our xBPD significant others, BPD will be a forever thing.

[quote author=Nomad1027 link=topic=229897.msg12498778#msg12498778

I think it was at that moment that she painted me black, or at least a dark shade of gray.  After that, I believe she saw me as weak and broken.  She said as much to a friend, afterwards.  It was at that point that the full detachment started.  After that, any interaction we had was initiated by me and her communication grew more and more distant.  In the end, when we talked, it was like she was talking to a mere acquaintance. 

Moral of the story:  they will always paint you black.  It makes no logical sense, but they will do it.  It will never change, because they cannot change.  For most of our xBPD significant others, BPD will be a forever thing.[/quote]
Dear Nomad: after reading your post, I know for certain that after my late July crying jag (when I initiated this post) led to his painting me black and discard on August 1. His refusal to pay me back, or even entertain the discussion, was because he no longer had any respect for me after I let go crying. He believes crying indicated my weakness and brokenness. He was wrong. With my BPD Family and supportive friends, I grow stronger every day. But it did feel like when he no longer felt there was a life source left to drain, it was time to move on to the next. I'm now coming to a place (after two months of ST) that I thank him for dumping me---it's probably saved my life.

Oh my gosh! This is soo psychopathic, I feel your pain because my ex was the same!


My ex did exactly the same, he always let me know that I should be comforting him, but when I was upset or crying all he gave me was a cold blank stare  :)

Sometimes If she was already mad, she went in for the kill. My tears were like blood in the water and she was a shark feeding frenzy. Tears just made it that much worse. But most of the time she just got a look of discust and turned and walked away without a word. Hurt really badly.

I know... .I just can't wrap my head around that! What it must be like to not have any feelings for anyone but yourself.  It TRUELY is sad. It must be a living Hell for them. I can honestly say that She never, ever consoled ME once in our 20 years together. Her tears and affection were always for and about her.

I feel for you Vivienne. It must have been even harder for you because you expect your man to be strong, comforting and lending a shoulder to cry on.

MWC *)

She did something that made me cry. Then blamed me on the fact that i cried.

" There's nothing to cry over! "

Well, you caused it?

Mine was the same way... .she left a note on my car after NC for one year the night before me mother's funeral. I was sitting in the yard and she did a drive by first... .I had my shades on and gave up NOTHING... .(wondered what was up... but did nothing)... then later that night  she left a note under my windshield which I found in the morning on the way to my Mom's funeral.  I tore it up. Never read it. Was just her lame way out of showing up. I can't tell you how hard it was dealing with my Mom's slow deterioration over time, by myself, no family ... .no one other than friends for support. (well... actually I DID have some really good friends... and they showed up for me a LOT!  :))... .but you know ... you are in relationship and you count on that. She runs off with new supply at Christmas right before my Mom falls ill. Never a word. I did not contact her and heard nothing from her.  I DID get a REALLY nice note from her Mom, though. Always liked her.

A year later crazy pants does a 4x drive-by and and I foolishly called her after I told her to get lost before she even got out of her car. I should have NOT called her... .thinking "oh... I was mean". Duh. No I wasn't ... .I was loving me. Anyway, I do not bring up the topic when I talk to her, she asks me if I got her note (a year ago?)... .I said "Yes, I did... .I tore it up, threw it in the trash and then I went to my Mom's funeral."  She says ... ."Well... it;s not exactly like your Mom and "I" were that close."  Not a word about my feelings... .nothing... .it really is ALWAYS all about them!  Once they ditch you and have new supply you are like dog $hit in the gutter to them.

Sickening.     NC is easy for me ... .even if she is full-on charging in a parking lot somewhere.  I mean... .what could I possibly have to say to this creature?   I am so there... for the rest of my life!  |iiii