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Title: Resentment Post by: flowerpath on July 30, 2014, 04:52:59 PM Forgiveness is closely tied to resentment. Resentment is lessened while you accept that you have made a choice, that you are not forced to do any of this, and it is not a default life. Learning about the disorder and the various coping tools helps you make an informed choice, that you can better live with. Eventually once you learn not to take things personally the resentment reduces to periodic frustrations, which you more readily get over without compounding dislike. Forgiveness then becomes easier I am just plain chock full of resentment. Title: Re: Resentment Post by: bpbreakout on July 30, 2014, 07:07:38 PM Been there done that, in fact still doing it |iiii
Know how you feel Title: Re: Resentment Post by: ortac77 on July 31, 2014, 09:50:28 AM Just a thought
Resentment is like taking poison yourself and expecting it to kill another, be kind to you - you deserve it. We have all been there and it sucks! Title: Re: Resentment Post by: Love Is Not Enough on July 31, 2014, 10:49:56 AM Forgiveness is closely tied to resentment. Resentment is lessened while you accept that you have made a choice, that you are not forced to do any of this, and it is not a default life. Learning about the disorder and the various coping tools helps you make an informed choice, that you can better live with. Eventually once you learn not to take things personally the resentment reduces to periodic frustrations, which you more readily get over without compounding dislike. Forgiveness then becomes easier I am just plain chock full of resentment. I know how you feel and it does suck. What do you resent the most? I really resent that my SO thinks, or at least, treats me like I am an idiot. When she lies, or bends the truth about things I always think "Really?". It is what it is and I just accept it and don't take it personally. I know that I am not an idiot. Well... .Most of the time anyway lol That's a lot of it. Just relax and do your best not to focus on the negative, but the positive. What do you like the most about your SO? Waverider's post is gold. Print it out and take it with you today. Read it a hundred times if you have to until it sticks in your head. Accepting that you have made a choice is key in my opinion. When I get discouraged I always remind myself of that. The power I give myself by knowing that ultimately I have the choice to leave if I cant take it anymore makes me feel better and gives me the enegery to stay another day. What a paradox, but it works *) Title: Re: Resentment Post by: flowerpath on August 02, 2014, 11:30:27 AM Just a thought Resentment is like taking poison yourself and expecting it to kill another, be kind to you - you deserve it. We have all been there and it sucks! True. Very true. I am working on focusing more on the good things. I know how you feel and it does suck. What do you resent the most? What I resent most are the lack of recognition of/shared responsibility for what our family needs as a whole, the victim/all about me mentality, and the unkind words that occur outside of the name calling: negative projections on our children, false assumptions/twisting what is, insensitive comments/ digs/jabs, complaining about things he could have actually helped with, and using the personal struggles of my children and me against us…especially when we are struggling with something. Just relax and do your best not to focus on the negative, but the positive. What do you like the most about your SO? He has a quick sense of humor. He is sometimes light-hearted and funny without being obnoxious. In spite of his behavior, he does want good things for our children. Waverider's post is gold. Print it out and take it with you today. Read it a hundred times if you have to until it sticks in your head. Accepting that you have made a choice is key in my opinion. When I get discouraged I always remind myself of that. The power I give myself by knowing that ultimately I have the choice to leave if I can’t take it anymore makes me feel better and gives me the energy to stay another day. What a paradox, but it works *) I have it written down and read it and think about it again and again. Right now, I stick with this because of our children, because by nature I am not a quitter, and because I know now that I am not powerless to make changes in myself for a better life. So it is definitely a choice. What makes it so difficult, though, is that I distanced myself so far from him emotionally in order to protect myself. I have no romantic feelings for him anymore and don’t even know how that can ever be rebuilt. Because of his emotional mindset, I don’t think I can ever trust him with my feelings or anything confidential, and that is such a big part of a meaningful relationship. |