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Title: It's finally over. Post by: forget-me-not on July 31, 2014, 12:08:11 PM He broke up with me a week ago because " I haven't shown I love him enough. "
This after giving up my friends , family plans and jumping through flaming hoops , walking on eggshells, enduring tantrums over nothing out of nowhere, mind games... .The whole gamut that is BPD. All the books I've read over the last year and the tools I've used have been marginally effective. We met up 5 days ago so he could return some things , and he said " I don't love you, I don't respect you, you deserve to be spit on, but I can't bring myself to hurt you that much. " ( I have a HUGE aversion to spitting) This rage was because he wanted me to "fight for him" and I went to a concert a few days ago with my brother that I've had tickets to for 4 months. He also said " Why don't you go f*** your brother since he's obviously more important then me. " Now he's spent the last 5 days telling me I should have known he was just lashing out and wanted me to feel his pain, and if I " prove myself and show him something big" then we can still work it out. That it was just words and I'm being too sensitive. I told him yesterday that I need balance in my life and that he , my family and my friends are part of that balance and I hope he can accept that this is what I consider a healthy relationship and I am not willing to have less ( I am 52 and life is short, dammit!) This enraged him to the point where he said he's deleting all my contact info, that I am to go away and leave him alone, that I've never done anything for him and that he will have no fond memories of me. Then he threatened to call the police if I ever contact him again. This story is similar to many others on this board, which has saved my life and allowed me to realize that I am no longer willing to fight a battle that has no chance of even ending in a truce. It hurts so much that he will not remember anything good. I will remember enough good to know that love is still possible in my future, and enough bad to know that I have to fight for myself. Thank you for listening. Title: Re: It's finally over. Post by: seeking balance on July 31, 2014, 12:48:43 PM *welcome*
The initial breakup pushes all kinds of abandonment in pwBPD and the things they say are downright horrible. As my ex once said, "I want you to hurt as much as I do". I think that sums it up. That said, you can start to have freedom when you realize that engaging with him right now is only going to make it worse. Since he said he would call the police, believe him. Stay away my friend. Is there any ties that are unresolved or necessary to be in contact with him? You are not alone and it will get better. Peace, SB Title: Re: It's finally over. Post by: KeepOnGoing on July 31, 2014, 01:05:35 PM This enraged him to the point where he said he's deleting all my contact info, that I am to go away and leave him alone, that I've never done anything for him and that he will have no fond memories of me. Then he threatened to call the police if I ever contact him again. This story is similar to many others on this board, which has saved my life and allowed me to realize that I am no longer willing to fight a battle that has no chance of even ending in a truce. It hurts so much that he will not remember anything good. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I can so identify with that all-white or all-black reaction They have. How is it that they can focus on the tiniest negativity, but can't remember any of the good? I just don't get that… At all! Title: Re: It's finally over. Post by: swiftkick on July 31, 2014, 02:47:06 PM Just here to give you a virtual hug! It sounds like you have a good support system, and like me, have found peace on these forums in knowing you're not alone and... .aren't crazy! :) Your ex's words could have been spoken verbatim by mine! Maybe you will also find peace in understanding that what you give will never be "enough." Best wishes to you... .
Title: Re: It's finally over. Post by: Lucky Jim on July 31, 2014, 03:12:25 PM Hi f-m-n, Maybe it's a good thing that he broke up with you, because it provided the impetus for you to make the break, which on some level you seem to recognize is what has to happen.
Excerpt I told him yesterday that I need balance in my life and that he , my family and my friends are part of that balance and I hope he can accept that this is what I consider a healthy relationship and I am not willing to have less ( I am 52 and life is short, dammit!) Totally agree with what you're saying. It's hard, I know, but this is the time to stick with your plan and stay on your new course, which leads to greater happiness. LuckyJim Title: Re: It's finally over. Post by: forget-me-not on August 01, 2014, 10:48:06 AM Thank you so much everyone , for the kind words and support.
Yesterday I got text bombed with pictures taken during our relationship. My only reply was " thank you" His: "No need to be polite now, be yourself- uncaring and cold" Aaaaaarg! Title: Re: It's finally over. Post by: swiftkick on August 01, 2014, 11:31:55 AM Sounds like he is projecting and/or knows exactly what buttons to push because you are the polar opposite (yes pun intended) of cold and uncaring, aren't you?
Title: Re: It's finally over. Post by: thereishope on August 01, 2014, 11:39:55 AM Sounds like he is projecting and/or knows exactly what buttons to push because you are the polar opposite (yes pun intended) of cold and uncaring, aren't you? I agree with this... .I've had to tell myself at times, when uBPDh told me, "you are XYZ... .", that, "No, I'm actually not what you are saying I am... ." and often it was the exact opposite, as you are stating! Title: Re: It's finally over. Post by: Lucky Jim on August 01, 2014, 03:07:27 PM Hello again, f-m-n, Stay strong and keep doin' what you're doin'. In my experience, the criticisms leveled at me by my BPDxW were usually an apt description of her, which is why she was trying to project that stuff on me.
Excerpt I've had to tell myself at times, when uBPDh told me, "you are XYZ... .", that, "No, I'm actually not what you are saying I am... ." and often it was the exact opposite, as you are stating! Agree w/you, thereishope. LuckyJim |