BPDFamily.com

Ok all,

Long story short, I can see the bait and want to rip into her however know that isnt constructive.  My Q is, do I reply with something like I have drafted below or is no reply better ?

Dear AUSSIEJJ

On Tuesday August 5 I will have a late class. MYCRAZYFKNSISTERWHOYOUHATE will be at home (her address) for 4:30 drop off and I will be home shortly thereafter.

Have a good weekend

uBPDEXGF

My response is below... .

UBPDexgf,

I am concerned that there is a change in plans being dictated without consulting me.  There has been resistance when I have wished to make changes previously, mediation being highlighted as the appropriate venue for discussing these changes.  I have fought to return to mediation with appropriate supports to reduce conflict. 

I am deeply saddened and extremely disappointed that there hasn't been the offer for me, SONS father to care for SON in these circumstances. 

Regards,

AUSSIEJJ. 

Her sister is dangerous,  I want to give the opportunity for her to change her opinion without going troppo.  Combination of BIFF and SET sort of however I don't know if its the correct approach. 

All views appreciated. 

Aussie,

I am sorry, but I laughed at your response.  It reminded me of myself... .wordy, righteous, accusatory, firm, intellectualized, obviously right, and very well intentioned, understanding and firm.  yawn.  I just know I did not have the skills to successfully communicate or initiate and sustain reasonable conversation.  I think some of these other members, with more distance and recovery under their belt, might offer more of a short, sweet, succinct mantra with less emotionality between the words.   

I ended up deleting everything from the start and going with I am disapoined.  I deleted saddened. 

I cant fight the beast. 

Most, if not all of us, found we couldn't reason when the other wasn't listening.  It's a typical acting-out PD behavior.  However, we did it anyway so that we would have documentation for the evaluators or court to show (1) we tried to find solutions and (2) the other wasn't cooperating and instead was obstructing.  Build your case showing you're seeking the solutions, making it evident who is the problem.

So... .write well (so no professional would find any fault with it at all, so no anger, extreme talk, threats, etc) TO her but FOR any professionals who may scrutinize the incident or issue later.  And if any evaluators or similar professionals are already involved in the case, CC them as well.

Thanks guys. 

If you have concerns about the sister simply reply , " What time will you be home so I can drop the kids off ?"

If BPDex is playing a game that reply would pretty much establish a boundary for you and the safety of the kids without getting into the specifics. If I did this to my ex she would either give me the time or send a nasty email accusing me of all kinds of things. If I get the second kind of reply I simply repeat myself and ignore the rest.

I would just write,

Ex,

Since I am available at the times when you are unable to care for S, I will drop him off when you are back from class. Please give me sufficient time to know when you will be back so I can coincide with your return.

AussieJJ.