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I've been with my husband for 8 years and managed to hang on through all of the ups, downs, twists, and turns BPD brought. He is recently diagnosed but I've felt this was what he had for a few years. It's come to a point that it's effecting our 3 year old daughter, on emotional and physical levels. I told him last night that I was thinking of moving us out for a while and while he said he understood why he felt that it would just cause more damage. That he would shut down emotionally, get used to being a "single guy" again, etc etc. He's just starting his medication and starts DBT therapy next week. The love part of me wants to hang in there and be by his side for this step. However, the part of me that is barely hanging on to any sanity and is fighting to protect my daughter wants space. He offered to move out so that we could keep the normalcy of her being in her own home but I feel like either he's trying to manipulate my feelings or that I'm going to lose him either way.

Can anyone give me some words of wisdom here? I'm not looking for the right answer, because I'm not sure there is one, but a direction... .a path... .something would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance,

Alysa

Your story is so close to home for me. It's such a tough situations that brings on so many tough decisions like this one. I've been with my husband for 15 yrs and married for 8. I have 2 daughters, ages 9 and 6. My udBPDh is in therapy but will tell me very little about it. He is not on meds but is a very high functioning BPD and very successful. Unfortunately, I am unable to sustain what it takes to be in a relationship of a pwBPD. It was taking too much away from me and I was feeling robbed of my own life. It has most definetely effected my children. My D9 is in therapy to help. Together or not together parenting with a pwBPD is never going to be easy.

The best advice I can give you from my experiences is to not make your decisions out of fear. Make your decisions out of your needs. Take care of yourself and your daughter. Being in a relationship with a BPD can be very draining and exhausting and at times suffocating.  I think it is great that he is getting guidance and help but know that it will take time and come with a lot of ups and downs.

Take care of yourself. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me.

Omgoodness this post hits so close to home for me. I'm currently separated from my BPD husband whom I've been married with for 8 yrs and I have a one yr old daughter. My husband and I have been apart for 5 weeks and even though I feel emotional better I miss him. I'm torn on should I stay or go. He is in therapy and on two meds and he is starting dbt and anger management. He texts me to say he misses us and to say he wants us home and in his arms but is it sincere... .I saw him a couple of times and he looked like he was going to cry  but was it an act. Can a borderline change with help?

i can understand how confused you must be feeling,and the feeling of hanging on to sanity with a thin thread.

you've certainly been with him for a long time.at this time,a decision would be life changing.

you should do what your gut tells you,yet if waited out a few weeks to see how dbt and meds effect him and in turn see how they effect the both of you,that might not be too bad.as to the pressure and constant anxiety of being with a person with BPD,you could get involved with some therapy to help with that.

if youre worried that you might lose him if either of you move out,why dont you talk to him and minimize interaction as much as possible.change rooms,ask him to move to a different part of the house, where a family situation is not created that much,you could keep your daughter with yourself and keep to yourselves at mealtimes as well and talk to him beforehand how it could be managed plus beneficial to all of you.if its possible then it will decrease your tension of constantly living with him and you'd be able to make a more responsible decision after a month or so as well.