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and life has been a living hell ever since. Married 36 years and I could manage the non- physical abuse ( sort of) but then it got physical and I had to leave. Truly amazing to see his BPD  become totally exposed ... .once he lost the capabilities to hide and control it. Scary stuff.

It must have been so tough dealing with the typical BPD verbal and emotional abuse (I am guessing), and then have it escalate after his stroke. One would think it would be a time for a couple to come together more, but it sounds like he escalated it into violence. It's good that you removed yourself from that situation. Do you remain safe, and is there any chance of you being assaulted again?

Turkish

I too am glad you got away from the physical abuse. We all have a line in the sand, and that is mine too. Mine actually got physical a couple times, I set a boundary, and it has not happened since. He knows if it does, I'll leave. Part of me says I should do the same with the verbal abuse, but I also know that due to BPD, maybe he can't control his rages. Maybe being the operative word. I'm still undecided on that one.

Has he mostly recovered from his stroke? I wonder if having the stroke somehow changed the way his brain works? I'm glad you got away from that, I'm just wondering if that might have played into why he suddenly lost control of being able to control the physical rage. I sure hope I never have to cross that bridge. You are brave, and smart.

Thanks for your replies... .Yes, I am safe physically.  Emotionally... .not so much.   The stroke has truly exposed the man behind the curtain... .  and he will stop at nothing to destroy me... .   

it's very important that you're physically safe, and here on this board you will be safe too. you're with a community that has experienced BPD firsthand, some in spouses, some in parents, some in children, and we know how deranging an experience it can be.

i know this is a sensitive question, but would you feel comfortable talking a bit about how your h might work against you? and do you have a support network, friends or family or a counselor who know what's going on? please keep posting x!

Yes, if you can, please give us more details, because we all learn and try to help each other. All our stories are a little different, but they seem to share a lot of commonality too. Everyone here has been endlessly kind to me, which is just what I needed right now. I felt like I was drowning, and someone threw me a rope.

The more I learn on here, the better I feel. I may not be able to change my pwBPD, but I'm working on getting my mental health back, and some peace for myself back. Life it a journey, and I don't want to spend mine being miserable.

and his diagnosis was finalized( various diagnosis over 25 years) at the top rated psych hospital in the nation... .Scary stuff and yet I still find myself thinking I can fix this... .I 'm trying to fix me now... .

Can you tell us more about your story?