BPDFamily.com

I am now a month NC with my exBPDbf. I ended it due to discovering his lies and cheating. I did not kmow he had BPD until the final confrontation. I was seeking closure and only got his denial (dissociation) that we were ever in a LTR for 4 years. I've been reading a lot of books and the great information on this site to try to wrap by head around BPD. It's been very difficult and excruciatingly painful to accept the truth, he's incapable of love, and love to him=need.

For the past several nights I've been having bad dreams/nightmares. Unfortunately I saw what his new supply looks like before I unfriended/blocked him on FB. I have been having awful film reels playing in my head, nightmares of seeing the two of them "together", as in intimately. It's horrible and so painful. Is this considerd PTSD? I've awoke with tears streaming down my face. During the day I can do reframing, or distract myself with activities. But how do I deal with the nightmares? Any recommendations would be so appreciated.

Also, how can I find a therapist and/or support group in my area?

Thank you for listening/reading.

RedDove

I'm so sorry you feel this. I know how horrible this is. I remind myself how the intimacy was fake and the new partner is being abused emotionally in this way. Also I recommend basic meditation for dismissing these thoughts. You can do it in bed, just concentrate fully on your breathing. In. Out. Any time you start thinking just focus again on breathing. Eventually I find I relax massively and can sleep again. Try it!

Hi. It is normal I think. I still have images in my head of her face when she would belittle me. Images of her flirting with other guys. Images of her screaming, shouting and hitting me. It sucks. Alot. You must just remember that it wasn't you and that that is the person he/she is. It won't change and the next person will be going through what you were too. It never ever changes... .You're out - So stay out and heal. Just know - It's going to take time... .

I'm sorry you're going through this. I too, have images of my xhwBPD being intimate with another woman. It kills, but then I take a step back and think:

1. He wasn't all that great of a lover, especially after the honeymoon phase.Then it became all about him.

2. Intimacy is a massive trigger for this d/o.

3. They are incapable of genuine love.

4. I was once the replacement for some other poor unfortunate woman, and before long, I got a taste of what she went through, just as this new one will in time.

5. For every high he's experiencing in this new relationship (physical, emotional, etc. ... .), there's a paralyzing, gut-wrenching fear deep inside him that will no doubt match it, and eventually consume any joy he thinks he's feeling at the moment.

Remember, what you see in your mind is more a reflection of your fears and the wounds left behind from your ex, than an actual manifestation of what's probably taking place. The reality may already be quite ugly, and if it's anything like my relationship with my ex, this new replacement of his is very likely starting to see the cracks and has probably already cried as a result of something he's said or done by now.

But more than anything, you need to take care of yourself first. I would look into getting help as soon as possible. It does get easier in time, and it helps to remember that our imaginations have been shaped (manipulated) by their lying, gaslighting, and mirroring, so don't let his d/o shape the way you see things. I know it's hard, but deep down I'm sure part of you knows this new relationship is just another time bomb ticking.