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Title: Here We Go Again Post by: wilsonian on August 11, 2014, 04:27:45 PM man does anyone ever feel like they are going to have a mental breakdown trying to keep up with these demanding relationships... I try my hardest to maintain this relationship... .keep working each day in a sales job where I really need to be up all day which most times that is shot down by a morning rage session which is my fault always... .threats of Im leaving you from her to i am so sorry I am broken I should leave you so you can have a normal life to I love you so much and I am the best thing that ever has happen in her life... .AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH... to if I express my feeling its me starting an arguement or conflict... think I am going crazy... .Im tired of the rages Im tired of the tears I shed Im tired of this empty feeling I have inside... .why do I love her so? :'(
Title: Re: Here We Go Again Post by: Green_eyes on August 11, 2014, 05:51:32 PM I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. My dBpd ex and I have been apart for a month and a half and I have a 7 month old to care for.
There are days where I feel like I am going to completely lose it but I try my best to keep it together for my child and my two dogs. I find that writing letters to my ex and not sending them tremendously helpful. I also listen to mediations and go for lots of walks as fresh air and getting outside myself is also helpful. If it wasn't for my child I would probably still be in my relationship because it would only be affecting me. Unfortunately me ex started abusing me physically during my pregnancy and continued to do after our son was born. I feel broken but know that one day things will be better. They will be better for you, too. Just focus on one day at a time and healing yourself. Most if us have completely forgotten about our own needs because we've been so busy caring for a supporting our BPD partners. The oxygen mask has to be out on you first before you can help others. I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. It goes up and down but some days feel different than others. Title: Re: Here We Go Again Post by: woofhound on August 11, 2014, 06:38:02 PM There is something inside of you missing perhaps. I used to put blame solely on my ex uBPD for our problems, but after reading ceaselessly (nearly) on this site for sometime, the writing on the wall became clear. I was allowing her to abuse me.
My suggestion; look inward. That is something a BPD is rarely capable of. Discover your values through quiet reflection, and you just might find the puzzle making perfect sense. One thing you both have in common is that you both have a great need. What I realized when I was in your shoes, despite the fact that getting past my ego was very painful, is that I too had a problem. In addressing our own issues, we can find peace. For lo,m he hath great power and great hunger When cometh the day we lowly ones Through quiet reflection and great dedication Master the art of karate Lo, we shall rise up And then we'll make the bugger's eyes water. from "Sheep" by Pink Floyd |