BPDFamily.com

Hi ! I am so happy to know this forum. I learnt a lot from your posts and I’d like to write down my own story, because I need advices.

I’ m not a fluent english speaker, so I hope you can understand. :)


I started a relationship with a BPD in 2011. At first I didn’t know about his problems, but he seemed depressed and I wanted to help him. I never saw him ; everything was on the Internet. But believe me, it was awful. I knew there were something wrong, but I was so manipulated ! I didn’t even know about BPD disease. Ten months later, I found the strength to leave him. I still don’t know where I found this strength, because I wasn’t myself anymore. It was very hard, he didn’t let me go. But since he always cheated on me, he stayed with his other girlfriend for a while. He came back a few months after the breakup, acting like nothing happened. I felt much better and I allowed him to talk to me a little, but he didn’t want to understand it was over. He texted me way too much, but I lived with that. Sometimes he went crazy because I didn’t answer, but I though he would get tired of doing that and leave me alone.

1 year and a half after the breakup, it was the worst part of my life. For a month, he harassed me with phones calls and messages. Sometimes he threaten me and sometimes he begged me to answer because he couldn’t live without me. It was the worst thing I ever lived. I went to a therapist because of stress he caused me. The therapist told me not to worry. He told me I just had to change my phone number, delete my social medias accounts, and wait until he finds a new prey.

I never though it could work, but it did. This plan was a success : my ex left me alone for one year.

But 6 months ago (2 years and a half after the breakup) he sent me an email, full of contraries. He said he was sorry for his behavior (the harassment), that I was a wonderful person who deserve to be happy. He said he moved on (YAYY!). But he also said he was till thinking of me and could never stop.

I didn’t answer, because I didn’t want to let an « open door » for him to reach me again.

A couple weeks ago, someone told me he had a new girlfriend ! I was so happy, telling me I’ll never have to hear from him again. But now I know he already was with this girlfriend when he sent me the email.


I just don’t know what to think. Since the breakup, I never dated again. I really wanted to, but I was too afraid of the behavior of my ex. In my city, a man killed his ex-wife because she left him. And since 3 years, I’m afraid of dying. I don’t know if he is dangerous, but I know he is obsessive. When I saw photos of him and his new girlfriend, I was the happiest girl on earth. I thought he forgot about me. But I know he won’t heal (he denies to be a BPD), and I wonder if I am really free today.

My family and friends tell me not to worry. But I know you could help me better, because we lived the same thing.

I hope my english was good enough. Have a good day everyone and thank you :)

Thank you for posting.  Your safety is the most important thing.   And, based on what you wrote, your decision to remain in NC is a wise choice for your safety.

There is a very good worksheet for personal safety here:  https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf)

Hopefully, given what you have written, he will move on, and you will be able to do so as well.

Keep posting for additional feedback.  We are here for you.

Thank you so much. You are the first person telling me things will get better. 

The article about safety is very interesting. I read a lot of messages on this forum and I have to say I'm a little confused. At the time I knew my ex has a new girlfriend, I immediately though that my problems was over. I never though he will find another girlfriend because he was so obsessive with me.

And now, I remember he's just a basic BPD. I don't even know if my battle and all my anxiety is over. Do you think this kind of person really move on ?

Thank you