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i guess today while reflect over everything that has occured I wonder has anyone really survived it. was able to stay with it and make a some what of happy go with of it. I know the tools are supposed to help and Ive saw some them work but in my case for only a very short amount of time it was liek my BPDexgf could tell what i was doing and she countered or got worse. So what was the trick, I still have moments where I wonder if I did everything I could do to make it work. I just cant see how. To give some examples. when she would rage and push me away I would leave and not try to contact her for while. She woudl say if I loved her I would have pursure her and shown my love. If I stayed it validated her behavior and she only got further out of control. So how could that work. Or if she accused me of something if I didnt defend myself, then, according to her, must be right. If I disputed what she ws saying in any form, I loved to argue or i was critzing her or putting her down or calling her a liar. Once I just didnt respond, I just ignored her remarks and she just got worse. So how was the people that made it work able to?

Thanks for your post Mitchell16.  I think that most of us on this Leaving Board arrived at a point of admitting defeat in the relationship -- and accepting responsibility for healing ourselves.

The only relationships that work -- with BPD or not -- require two individuals who agree to partner rather than merge.   I don't think anyone suggests that one person could "make it work" on his or her own.

You did your best, and that is enough.