BPDFamily.com

Because my BPD is the only daughter I have.  I kind of compare her to others.  Not good but I do.  I never lie to my friends (I’m never nasty about her either) and they are very supportive.  But I can't lean on them all the time; I'm trying to work this stuff myself.  This website is the only place I can work out what I'm thinking.  I have always gone for professional help when I need it.  I'm finding that as I get older councillors are kind of sounding the same.

So to what I'm really here about.

I had a good night with her last night.

She was short on money again this month.  I told her that this time she would have to earn it.  She could come over and do some chores (mowed the lawn wash and clean the cars).  She came over worked really hard while she was over I could leave her to it and it turned out really well.  Even my husband was impressed.  We had supper then I drove her to meet with her friends.

I cried a little when she left.  Why can't it be like this always, why can't she move back home till she's really ready?  Will she always live this way?  And finally what isn't she telling me?

PyneappleDays

pyneappledays, hold those good days close to your heart... . it is hard to watch our kids and feel so helpless. Is it better that she is not living with you? How old is she? Have you suggested this to her? Sending ahug your way  

PyneappleDays,   

You enjoyed the good day, you worry about her, you miss her... .

I think you know the answer to your first question... . it is tough to face it though, that our kids are not ok, that they have major problems that make their lives miserable and not too functional at times... .    

To your other questions: there is hope.   

Help me understand the title of your post: why are you wondering if you are living a lie?

Hi PyneappleDays,

I do understand those clear moments I have with my daughter.  WE make jokes and laugh.  Ahhh

I do hold that in my heart.  So hang on to this day... . it is a good.  We just want more of the good days. 

I hear you.

Hugs to you

Fay

Yes, I tried counselling once and didnt like it, it felt a bit fake. I talk to a friend sometimes or just dont bother now, no one understands really.

It made me cry a bit when I read your post, I just felt I wanted to say, think of the here and now, not the past or future, thats a good tip for me too.

When my dd has those good moments, I feel like Ive got her back, when she has the dark days, I feel like Ive lost her, its the strangest thing. Id lost her for the last 3 weeks, she is back again now for last three days, back to her old self,lovely to have her back, (the real her)

Hi PyneappleDays:  "I just want my daughter back", I don't know how many times I have thought this.  I think I was stuck in this mind set for a very long time and every good day I thought OK this is over and we are back to normal only to have my heart broken when things changed.  I have been able to slowly understand that I most likely won't ever have the daughter back that I had 3 years ago but I have also learned to accept who she is today.  It may not be what I truly wanted but it makes me enjoy her more now.  We have our good moments and I hold on to them and in the moments she is struggling I try my hardest to be there for her.  To me it is somewhat like the grieving process when we lose a loved one.

Right now I am doing this with my mom also.  She is 87 and I can see I am slowly losing her to dementia.  It is very hard because I want my mom back too but I am trying to accept who she is now.  This has made it a little easier.

Griz

It's so hard isn't it?  Those good days are what keeps us hanging on and trying harder and learning more so we can help them.  But sometimes I curse those good days.  They give me hope and leave me wanting more.  There's always that little voice that says... . is it over?  is this it?  Do I have my baby back?  Just seems like a cruel joke sometimes. 

Why do I think I'm living a lie?

1.she 18 and out of control with good day and bad that maybe there's hope

2. She will get help. She has to admit there's a problem first.

3. She's nice and charming and helpful, which makes me want to protect her but I know in 2 days the nastyness will surface when she thinks she's got your attention and sofftness.

3.she will snap out of this condition

4. I'm doing as much as I can.  If I only knew what to do I could start somewhere.  But it hard when she refuses.

5.  Worrying will not solve anything, but its all I got.

As I'm typing I'm getting a text from her wondering why I chose my husband over her.  When the truth is I wonder why she chose to run off in an awful living condition suffering to staying some and getting help.

Part of my is kind of glad she's not here and that's a lie in it's self.

H

PyneappleDays

I am not sure what the issue is but it is clear you would like to improve your relationship with you dd. What are you planning to do that will do just that? I think what I have learned over the past few years is that the only person I can change is myself... . what are you willing to do?

PyneappleDays,

I can feel the grief and hurt in your post... .    

This condition can be co confusing sometimes; and as we struggle to make sense of it, accept it, AND hold onto hope, I suppose it can feel exactly the way you do now... . Don't be too hard on yourself, you are just processing all the confusing situations and sorting out the contradicting emotions that come with it.   


That must hurt... . it is hard to explain to our pwBPD that there's enough love for everyone in your heart. To them it's the classic either/or all/nothing thinking... .