BPDFamily.com

HI

My 17 year old has BPD and its becoming a nightmare, I just know this is my life forever now. I want to run away, thou I know that is selfish.

Ask, and ye shall receive 



Good News, Breakthroughs & TLCs (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=210800.0;all)

I know that right now things seem hopeless; I've gone through that in the past. In fact my "hopeless" lasted for almost 17 years, because my own son with BPD wasn't diagnosed and treated for it until he was 36 years old! That was early last year, and since then he has now been clean and sober for almost 18 months from a Heroin addiction, and is in recovery from his BPD symptoms and behaviors. He, and our whole family, is the happiest we have been in years!

You are actually lucky because you are finding out about your daughter's BPD now and not later... .Once you are able to get her the treatments and Therapies that she needs, things can get better. She has been diagnosed? Does she have a Therapist or Psychiatrist or some other Professional working with her? Do you have some sort of Counseling you can participate in? What are her symptoms and behaviors? Are there any Professionals involved with your family at all?

There are many of us who have seen positive changes once we learn more about BPD and how it affects our children, and learn and apply the communication tools and techniques. All of that is at the links to the right-hand side of this page, and I encourage you to check them out... .Welcome to our family, scarlet10. We are here, and want to help 

Six months ago I had lost all hope for my daughter.   Things were so bad that I couldn't even believe I was living my own life.   

We moved out of state and actually finally got the right kind of help for my daughter.   We had to have her committed to a state mental ward.   She is accepting her time in the hospital and is actually starting to work on some of her issues.

I am not sure what kind of issues you are fighting, but do not give up!   Holler and scream yo anyone that will listen - or MAKE them listen until you get help.  If that means calling the cops then do it!  Call CPS and ask for voluntary services.   File a Child in Need of Services with the juvenile court.  If you can get a psychiatrist to agree with you , have your son committed.   

Take care of yourself though!  You can't help anyone if you are worn out.

Let us know more about your situation and how things are going.


Murmom

scarlet

I also have a dd17 and things have been terrible at times so I know how worried and scared you are. I would like to suggest you get a book by Valerie Porr called Overcoming BPD... .it really helped me a great deal. The past 5 years have been pretty intense for my family but I do think I have also seen some improvements at times. This summer has been a very bad one for us all but I still see a glimmer of hope for my dd so don't give up. I still worry about my dd but I have learned some very good tools here and at classes that have helped improve our relationship and reduce the conflict here at home.

Can you tell us what struggles you are having?

Hi scarlet10

I can definately say that my daughter has made remarkable progress.

Ten years ago she was regularly in A&E (emergency room) following overdoses-one extremely serious, she was phoning me during the night standing on a bridge threatening to jump-had an eating disorder requiring inpatient treatment-had to call the police because she was a danger to herself and physically assaulting me - told me so many bizarre things I couldn't tell what was and wasn't true so I didn't know how to react.

Now she has a fairly stable life and is married with young children-she looks after them well.

There are a few residual difficulties but she has really done very well :)

One of the difficulties is that she doesn't like me very much and remembers my mistakes with great clarity! I'm working on it and getting help here

Hi

Thanks for all the positivity. My daughter is in counselling but they will not diagnose her till she is 18 due to labelling children, although she has seen her notes and BPD was written down, I have felt she had BPD for a while as she ticks ever box when looking at how professionals diagnose. I was pleased when she told me she had seen it on her notes, as I really disliked her at this point. She also feels she has it. I am trying to be more understanding now and not take her behaviour so personally, although I am quite an emotional person myself, but realise I am going to have to toughen up! I feel like she has no feelings, she's far to interested in boys and is so intense to be around... .  She is living back home with my parents from this week, I am only a few streets away, so I am hoping with us trying to work together things may improve.  She has the counsellor and an Advocate to talk to. I keep doing my best to be calm and not react but feel like she is determined to break me, and I always get something wrong. I keep worrying for her future... .  Thanks for your replies 

my son with BPD made his teens and our lives a misery. At 21 he walked out and went to live with another family who he'd told a whole bunch of lies to about us. They let him live with them for 6 months until they finally asked him to leave.

In the meantime, our worst fear-him walking out-had become something of a blessing. Everyone else in the family got on better, we got therapy, and we able to get a little bit of distance between us and our BPD son which helped us gain a better perspective about what needed to be done.

We gave him some options when he was suddenly homeless again, and he ended up living in an apartment with our younger son, while we moved out of state. We pay him a small allowance.

Almost two years on, he still rages at us when we don't do exactly what he wants when he wants it, but this is now rare. He has actually managed to get himself a full time job, helping others, which will really do wonders for his low self esteem.

So what looked like a disaster-him leaving-has eventually turned into him having to do some things for himself. I'm just hoping he can hold this job now.:)

Eventually, one day in the future I might feel strong enough to actually see him and talk to him face to face.

My daughter is 21 and her teenage years rivaled the worst stories you see in this forum. Today she is working, living in an apartment in my basement with her boyfriend (who we like), and attending DBT therapy twice a week.

I know that it could all come apart in a second, but it's been calm for the last few months, so that's a positive story.