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Ok,

This is something I am concentrating a lot on at the moment.  Basically my belief, flawed as it may turn out to be.  Is that at some point in time co-parenting will be something that I have to do with exBPDgf.  She pushes my buttons so well without even trying I am now trying to identify these for myself and take that power away from her as well. 

One way I do this is by naming the behaviours in my head as they are happening.  Another is by repeating to myself 'I can always walk away' when the crazy making is happening. 

Practicing all of this,  preparing responses and ways to deal with it is well, interesting? 

Mindful breathing and what not only works so well when not under stress.  I am also starting to concetrate on different things so that I am not always taking a big breath like a mupet.  Mindful of toes mindful of light switch even!  I did this on Thursday as I had nothing else to look at so concentrated on the light switch when being confronted with something. 

My question, what else have you practiced or implemented when trying to deal with stressful situations. 

AJJ. 

For me, most of the work happens before an interaction.  The big three, diet, exercise and sleep are the most important things; if I'm eating right, getting a decent amount of exercise and sleeping enough, but not too much, all of life goes better, and I've got the emotional resiliency to manage my emotional state in times of stress.  Also, nutritional supplements like calcium, a natural calming mineral, and vitamins B, C, and E help my body find that place of calm.  Plus staying hydrated is easy to miss and very important; most people are usually dehydrated, and drinking at least 2 liters a day of clean, pure water can really work to help us find balance.  And then there's what I don't do: minimal coffee and other sources of caffeine and no alcohol.

All of those things make maintaining my emotional state much easier, and then if I do end up in a stressful situation, as will happen here on planet earth, it's about focus: what really matters right now?  What's my goal?  What's good about this situation?  The right questions can help frame the interaction so we can stay chill.

Of course I've found interacting with someone with a mental illness, someone who lives in perpetual chaos and shuns rational thought and logic, is the advanced level.  There were times when I wasn't managing my state well, and got caught up in the crazy, and other times I was managing it well and was able to detach a little while we were in the middle of the next drama, and look at it more objectively, and the whole thing was so ridiculous it was funny.  It also became clear that it would always be like that with her, and the best course was to just leave her; sometimes managing our state includes removing negative influences.

I didn't even think of those things however I have done them since separating from her.  Almost subconciously with a few and my P told me to make sire with energy drinks I quit them with smoking and start exercising again. 

Cooking again and loving it

No energry drinks since March?

No alcohol since March  (a few drinks when eating out but thats it)

Quit smoking in March

Lots of physical exercise again

Sleeping is a pain with ruminations and some weird nightmares

Its amazing actually how I have made these changes just by not being with her.  Why in the ARGH did I try to reconcile with her... .

In my experience it is the practice of feeling my feelings. Laying down and feeling the feeling in my chest and gut. Focusing on nothing but the physical sensation of the emotions. No breath focus or remaining aware of anything else. I close my eyes. Sometimes I even fall asleep and dream.

I want to note it takes a lot of hours of the meditation I've done somewhere between 700- 1000 hours of this since i arrived at BPD family.

This is a highly recommended tool - studies are showing that the brain does not necessarily distinguish between a "real" event and one that you visualize where you can basically retrain the neurons in emotional responses.

SWOE talks about practicing with the communication tools before getting in the conversations too.

Good stuff Aussie - sounds like you are taking control of your life and making actions aligned with your core values  |iiii