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I spoke to one of my brothers, old friends the other day. They haven't seen each other in a while now. He called me because he needed me to do some work for him. We got into a conversation about my brother and he told me to tell him, he said , hello. At that point I had explained to him that my brother and I haven't spoken in 9 months. Aside from being very shocked to hear that, he also knew something was not right with my brother. He said he thought it was odd that my brother jumped into a relationship with his uBPD, so quickly after ending his engagement to his ex. He also noticed, my brother hasn't been posting anything for quite some time , on any social media.

This lead us to a discussion about what was going on between my brother and I and why we haven't been speaking. I explained the story to him how his BPD wife is controlling him and has isolated him from all his friends and family. This reminded him of his 6 year long relationship with a girl who, from what he explained was very similar to my brothers uBPD wife. He said, somewhere along the lines, he had lost himself in their relationship. He had been acting completely different with friends and family than he normally would and he finally realized it was because of her. She was trying to hard to control him.

This brought up an interesting point. I told him that my brothers uBPD wife wouldn't "let" him speak with me. When this has come up in past arguments between my brother and I or my brother and our mom, he always says, "uBPD wife and I are both grown adults and we don't tell each other what to do." (Even though that's exactly what it seems like is the case, from out perspective. My brothers friend then said, " I was in the same situation. It wasn't that my ex was exactly "telling" me what to do, I just fell In line". In other words, he was in tune with her and knew what to do or avoid doing, to escape her over the top reactions and emotions.

This made me think back to my uBPD ex, as well. I felt the very same way. I would avoid a lot of things or do things completely differently than I normally would, to avoid him flipping out and holding me hostage for hours on end, with his emotional outbursts.

To me, this is all part of the brainwashing, mind control and manipulation and all of it constitutes as mental/emotional abuse. Sure, a lot of us who are in normal and healthy relationships, do this from time to time but when you completely change your way of thinking and you go against all of your own beliefs, it becomes unhealthy.

I just found this to be interesting and it sort of made me have a better understanding about why my brother is acting the way he is. I'm just curious to know if others feel this way as well. Do you feel like you fell in line after a while and avoided pissing your BPD significant other, off at all costs? Even if it meant hurting others?