BPDFamily.com

Would this not be a good idea?

I love you = I need you to love me

I don't like you = There way of trying to get you to change (for there good)

I don't want to hurt you again =  I know on some level my behaviour wasn't cool

An iphone app would be even better!

Any other translations we can add?

Oh... .forgot my favourite:

I'm "never" coming back = Until I change my mind

And the premium app could tell us why a borderline says what they say, with a reply area for us to decide what we make it mean, how it makes us feel, and what we're going to do about it; very fruitful digging like that.

"I don't think this is working out"  = "Please chase after me"

"I'll leave you!" = "I need you to beg me to stay now"

"I'm not stupid. Did you cheat on me? I know you did" = "I cheated on you."

"You hate me" = "I hate myself"

"I am powerless to these situations. I can't change this" = "I know I caused it, but will not take responsibility for it"

"It's always about you!" = "Why can't you accept that it is ONLY about me?"

"You're crazy. You should see a Therapist." = "I need help, but won't take responsibility for it"

"You're friends all hate me and are a@@holes!" = "You have great friends. I can't allow them to see my true colors because they'll tell you to leave me"

"Your family hates me" = "Your family should hate me. They will when they find out the truth"

Stop yelling at me = stop telling me the truth and/or things I don't want to hear

You have such a good heart=you are so easy for me to take advantage of

I'm out with my sons today = I'm out trolling for new supply

Fine, just go back to your ex husband and your boss=I need to have you completely isolated from anyone who sees through me or will support you when I split you black

Everyone always cheats on me = I always cheat on everyone

I hate lying and sneaking around=that's MY game, and that no one else is supposed to play

"You're lying" = "I've lied to you about everything from the day we met"

Can someone translate what this means  when said by a pwBPD

" Delete it"

She was referring to her phone number.  Does it really mean delete it or do they have some hidden meaning when they say it.   Trouble is when a pwBPD says something they could very well mean something completely different,

I hate you = give me attention

Delete it and see what the reaction is. Then you'll know what it means.

Thanks Flora73 - great post - this is such a reality check. Here are just a few of my stbx's doublespeaks:

I spoke to the mediator about your behaviour and we decided it was so bad it ruled us out of mediation = I'm afraid of any kind of mediation because I don't have the necessary communication skills

I want to be friends with you for the sake of the children = Iknow the children think I'm a xxxx and you are my best chance of getting them to like me

Your mother said I was a bxxxxxd = I think I'm a bxxxxxd and wouldn't be surprised if she said that about me

I've only got two bank accounts = I've got more than that but you won't find them

I'm not a philanderer = I am a philanderer

You've ruined my life and taken everything away from me = I've ruined everything but I won't take resonsibility

You threw me out of the house onto the street = I left the family home but once I had I realised I didn't like it

I'm afraid for my personal safety = I'm afraid of what I might do to you or myself

You are unbalanced and have to get therapy = I need therapy

You've got borderline personality disorder = I think I might have borderline personality disorder


etc etc etc.

"You are the love of my life" - "I have several men waiting in the wings ready to take your place at any given moment"

You're always judging me = I am doing the wrong thing and can't admit it

You are passive aggressive = you aren't taking the bait or you aren't doing what I say

You don't understand feelings = you aren't catering to my feelings

You are a robot = you are being too calm and rational when I want drama

You never listen anyway = I want you to know what I want without me telling you, even if I don't know myself

I can't talk to you = you don't agree with everything I say

If you don't already know you just don't care = Let's play a guessing game

I love these... .toward the end of our relationship my ex began accusing me of having BPD (in a very angry way). She also told me I need therapy. Ironically, I immediately began researching BPD, and began going to therapy which I am still in. In doing so, I discovered that we both had signs and symptoms. However, I'm not the one that throws fits when I don't get my way, will stand in the drive way at 2am drunk, screaming and waking the neighbors (mine on one occasion and hers on the other), and throw a full fountain drink into my S/O's brand new car... .Also, she never got therapy. She just went around having sex with randoms... .some people's kids, man.

You are unbalanced and have to get therapy = I need therapy

And the above translated one step further:

We are unbalanced.  We have limited sense of self.  We are together, which means that we are both really fcked-up and really need help and therapy.

:'( too true

Yup spot on. And therapy was one of the most constructive things my stbx ever suggested.  It has helped clear the fog and made me realise that I had been locked into a very dysfunctional relationship for a very long time. Still working on getting him out of my head... .

I learned to take all the things she said and reverse them because most of it was projection.

I hate you = I hate me.

You're a liar = I'm a liar.

You're an abuser = I'm an abuser.

You're lazy=I'm lazy.

etc. etc.

You end up learning a lot about them.

This is an amazing thread! My favorite so far:


My life.

Here's on I'll add that together with the one above should be printed on my gravestone.

"You always criticize me!" >> "If we have a reasonable two way conversation about your opinions and feelings, we'll never again be able to talk about mine"

"You are the one that's wrong!" >>  "I'm probably wrong, but I'll admit that over my cold, dead body!"

"You never listen!" >> "I'm scared out of my mind that you'll leave me if I agree I did something wrong, so instead I'll just get up in your face!"

"I don't understand what you're trying to say!" >> "I understand EXACTLY what you're trying to say, it's a valid point, and I'm now saying 'hey look over there' while I run the opposite direction.

Forgot another classic:

"Every relationship with friends/family has been ruined" >> "I have backed myself into a corner complaining about my husband; either I have to start lying about why I'm always so mad/sad about his behavior or I have to stop talking to them before they understand he's not the problem I've made him out to be."

oh yeah.

"You stole all of my friends." -> "My friends all saw how bad of a person I was to you and around you and I can't take responsibility.'