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well its been a while since I have been on here... my last post of venting was sort of the end of my rope I guess lol... went home that night to constant raging... negitive everything and basically hearing I was a piece of poop... .so along with that nad stress from job and life I had an emotional meltdown for a few hours... .got calmed down and the pastor talked to me for awhile which sem to help... .of course durning it all it was my fault I had the meltdown... .anyway 48 hours later she is saying sorry this sorry that she doesnt want to lose me etc... .I did discover(the hard way) I need to look out for number one... .and if she wants to rant and rave put me down and all the other things I have been dealing with... hey its her problem... .Im tired of being hurt and the whipping post... .I will take the great days and good days as they come and the bad days I am not going to beat myself up over... I will use the tools I know and if nothing works hey its her issue... .thanks for allowing me to vent... again... lol

Wilsonian,

How are you doing?

personally I am doing better ... like I was saying in my other post about the splankna it has made a big difference... I think that night was just a breaking point for me and since then with talks to God... my Pastor and myself I have been healing quite well... .the main thing is always know that I am the one who controls my emotions no matter what and need to work on things that make me happy... .

Hmmm... .is it better to control your emotions... .or is is better to let your emotions be and control your actions?

control my actions to the emotions... .:light:

Exactly! 

This is a point that is applicable to nons and pwBPD.  Your emotions are... .  Invalidating those tends to go worse for pwBPD... .but even for a non... .it sucks to be invalidated.

Sure... we can find extreme examples where the emotions need to be worked on... .so nothing is an absolute.

Bravo! To the pair of you.

So insightful and helpful.

Thank you both.

Very true!  I know that it triggers my emotions when dBPDh starts blaming me for his problems and pushing it off onto me.  This tends to trigger my dysregulation and I blow up.  Ugh, hard to deal with someone that is back in a negative state and blaming me for his problems today.  It is so weird that he is telling me he can't make me happy, yet I am not the one expecting him to make me happy.  He expects me to make him happy and blames me for his depression and dysfunction.  I know this is a loop that happens and I need to step out of it.  Thanks for the reminder that my emotions are ok, I just need to adjust my actions.

Own and accept your emotions without guilt.

Once you do that your actions no longer become reactionary. If you stop acting reactionary you stop regretting your actions. This makes the consequences of your actions more acceptable to you.

As you say, if you have done your best without guilt then if this is not palatable to someone else, that is their problem.

Lack of guilt is a good barrier to projection

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