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Title: Help Post by: Flora73 on August 21, 2014, 04:43:48 PM Dear All,
Im 8 weeks into the silent treatment, I have dropped into see my exBPDgf twice and each time had conflicting conversations. Doesn't want to be in a relationship, we might get back together one day... .etc etc. Says she doesn't like me... . I have emailed, flowers, calls & never a response. I emailed at the beginning of the week to ask if she would send me a blank email if she wanted me to give up trying. I don't want to give up, but its been 8 weeks. I stated in my email that I promised at the beginning of the relationship I would not abandon her, if the relationship ended I would leave her in care and love as all her past relations men had failed her. The reason I asked her to send a blank email is just to let me know to let go... .to acknowledge I'm not abandoning her. Received nothing... . Title: Re: Help Post by: formflier on August 21, 2014, 06:26:37 PM Dear All, Im 8 weeks into the silent treatment, I have dropped into see my exBPDgf twice and each time had conflicting conversations. Doesn't want to be in a relationship, we might get back together one day... .etc etc. Says she doesn't like me... . I have emailed, flowers, calls & never a response. I emailed at the beginning of the week to ask if she would send me a blank email if she wanted me to give up trying. I don't want to give up, but its been 8 weeks. I stated in my email that I promised at the beginning of the relationship I would not abandon her, if the relationship ended I would leave her in care and love as all her past relations men had failed her. The reason I asked her to send a blank email is just to let me know to let go... .to acknowledge I'm not abandoning her. Received nothing... . Flora, This must be incredibly frustrating. Hang in there! You are obviously frustrated by your efforts seeming to not matter. I hope this can be a teachable moment. Instead of focusing on what the ex is doing... .I hope we can focus on you and on some education and self care. Have you read through the lessons? https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56206.msg913187#msg913187 After you read "understanding your partners behaviors"... .what do you think your partner is "saying" to you right now through their actions? Title: Re: Help Post by: Flora73 on August 21, 2014, 06:50:06 PM Thank you formflier
I have spent a lot of time becoming more mindful and practicing self love etc. I have read these and have read walking on eggshells etc etc. Well from her actions, she doesn't want to know me. however with hindsight of BPD, she has split me black and could be just trying to have quiet time to ponder and work her way forward. Title: Re: Help Post by: formflier on August 21, 2014, 08:24:27 PM Thank you formflier I have spent a lot of time becoming more mindful and practicing self love etc. I have read these and have read walking on eggshells etc etc. Well from her actions, she doesn't want to know me. however with hindsight of BPD, she has split me black and could be just trying to have quiet time to ponder and work her way forward. Possibly... . While we may never know for sure why the silent treatment. One way to think of it is a coping mechanism... . So... if that is the case... .coping with what? Again... we'll most likely never know for sure... .but I would say there has been an emotion or stimulus that has been a bit much for them. So... rather than have an outburst... .they go quiet. It's also possible they know silent treatment bugs you and gets a reaction... so they do that. Again... .you'll never know for sure. This is where some healthy "detachment" comes into play and you try to figure out something positive and good that can be done... .that is not a "reaction"... .in other words doesn't feed a continuing negative cycle... .and that possibly opens the door to a positive cycle starting. What does validation mean to you? What does it mean to "invalidate" someone? |