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I’m just going back and picking apart the threads of my relationship, and I’ve been musing on these aspects. Can anyone help me shed some light on them? First of all:

I think I spotted some narcissist traits – do these sound like it to anyone else?

-   He worked out at least twice a day (I think he was addicted). He was always trying to make different parts of his body bigger or more defined, and would talk about it endlessly. He seemed to really relish in any compliments about his body, and was slightly put out if other people didn’t notice his physique. He wore t-shirts that were too small for him so they always clung and showed off his form and loved working out in front of me or anyone else who was about, asking them to try lifting his weights to see if they could do it as well as he could. At the same time he said he hated his body and had very low self-esteem. I believed his claims of low-self esteem to start with, but I grew to consider him one of the most vain people I’d met.

-   He talked about violence almost every day, and was fond of saying there wasn’t a man alive he was scared of. He said fighting was a real talent of his because he could shut off pain and was willing to go further than anyone else. He seemed preoccupied with being the biggest, hardest, toughest there was, able to protect anyone and win every fight. This was quite often framed in a “summary justice” kind of way – like he saw himself a vengeful superhero protecting the innocent. He REALLY wanted me to be in trouble so he could turn up and rescue me, and was excited if I ever heard a noise in the house as he always hoped it was an intruder he could be let loose on.

-   He seemed to think he could be a master manipulator, capable of winning any argument (in actual fact he used straw-man tactics which I always considered to be cheating, but anyway…).

-   He was terrible when it came to things like roadrage or people cutting in front of him in lines. He’d take it very personally, as if the offender had made a personal slight towards him. Needless to say he’d confront them. I always found it a bit arrogant to take it all as personally as he did.

-   He would be appalled to be described as anything other than self-effacing, or having low confidence or low self-esteem. He said his ex-wife had NPD and blamed her for anything that went wrong in their relationship.

My other question is: was I being split black in this situation:

-   I went for a weekend away with my best friends. He was really keen for me to go, saying I needed the break and I was to enjoy it. However while I was away he refused to answer any of my texts. He read them, I had read receipts, but he would not engage in any communication at all, even when I said I wanted to hear from him. I got quite worried about him at one stage as he was very depressed at the time. When I got back he said that he just wanted me to make the most of my time away and not think about him, so it was like he was claiming his silence was meant kindly. Now I’m wondering if I was just given the ST because I went away for a weekend without him.

Thoughts anyone?

Oh - I forgot to add. After his suicide attempt, he pushed really hard for a psych evaluation but although things started well he wasn't entirely honest with his therapists. He stopped taking medication both for his depression and for a physical condition he had (after which he became significantly unwell), as he felt that he could manipulate the situation so he could claim more benefits. He lied about taking meds and about his life situation, which seems really manipulative to me. He did identify strongly with the list of BPD traits though, and was hoping for a proper diagnosis.