BPDFamily.com

My dBPDw hates my ex. Hates her. There is some minor reasoning why, but largely it's for BPD reasons, and because a couple years back, she picked a huge, escalating email fight with my ex that was pretty horrible. And mostly because of my dBPDw.

So long story short, my wife made a demand several years back that she be cc:ed on every email communication with the ex (we have 50/50 custody split for my daughter), we only communicate for medical emergencies and once a quarter scheduling, and that I never ever talk to the ex in person, even during drop offs.

I believe this is all ludicrous and my daughter has started to note the no talking when I pick her up.

Help me understand why a pwBPD can hate so hard but want so much inclusion in the emails and so little regard for an 8 year olds mental health (parents with tension and no talking). Is it just the fear of lack of total control?

It's isolating you and control. She could be jealous of your ex and fear abandonment as well. I was isolated from relationships with family members, parents, sister etc. People that I had know for years. Isolating me from healthy relationships. I think it was because she didn't want me to tell people about her behaviors and it would make me think that she has some understanding about herself and her behavior.

If she hates your ex. That's black thinking and not seeing the good or the grey in the people in your lives. She has your ex split black in her mind.

My uBPDw has made the same demand... .My son is grown so it's very infrequent.  I drew the line at cc'ing her when she was there, looking over my shoulder & got to comment on the wording of the email.

She still wanted to be cc'd, but I refused... .still hear about it to this day.

My exBPDbf wanted me to cut off my ex husband as well. He didn't think he should come to my house to see our children but wanted me to drop them with a relative so I never saw him. My ex didn't live with me, and I didn't think he should be trying to dictate my relationships with other people, so I stood really firm. He threw a bit of a fit over it, accused me of still being in a relationship with my ex and insisted we could only be friends until I decided to stop allowing my ex so much access in my life.

Ugh, the things people do to try and isolate you and control your relationships. I have to say it was one of the boundaries I stood really firm on I as I know it's a slippery slope. For what it's worth it does seem that you and your ex should be able to have private communications about your children. In fact you should be able to have private communications with whomever you choose. I'm sure your ex has been split black, but overwhelmingly I think this is a control issue.