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Hello all,

My pwBPD is 18d. Recently there have been a lot of changes in her life which translate to stressors. There have been several outbursts, and her therapist has asked me (with d18 consent) to write a letter describing her triggers and the resulting behaviour because d18 has difficulty recalling what actually happens. She would like to read the letter before giving it to her T. How do I write with SET, what the triggers are without hurting her/raising her anger? She is mostly triggered when I show care for our fosterd14 (not at d14, at me), when she thinks I have money that i am not making available to her, when she feels our other children are receiving attention/things she never did,... .

Hi wintermom... .

     While I never had any problem sharing input with my dd's therapist, I would never have written a letter for my dd to read.  Any sharing with her therapist was done privately.  We did, however, have some sessions together (with and without dd.)   These can be both helpful and brutal.  I can't imagine how much worse the fallout could be with my daughter having written documentation of my opinions, whether written with set or not.  Perhaps your dd is different, but I would be very leery of putting anything in writing.  Would the therapist be open to a phone call or private session with just you maybe?  Whatever you decide, I wish you well... .good luck

I agree with Ilbee814... .writing such a letter will only hurt her feelings. I would approach it from a different angle.

I am really glad you and your T have asked for my input. That is really showing me how hard you are working in therapy and your willingness to reach out for help. Although I am happy to give my input I do feel it needs to be private... .just between your T and myself.

Do you think something like this might help?

I have full rights to email, call or meet with all of my son's professional team: Out-Patient Therapist, Psychiatrist, Neurofeedback Therapist and General Practitioner. My son has signed the paperwork, and I've worked with all of them from day one of his treatments. At no time have I ever shared with him our emails, conversations or meetings, and the times I've sat in with him for any of his appointments, I've mostly kept quiet and listened and observed, or answered questions.

I do not encourage you to write a letter that your daughter will read, and I do think that jellibeans' S.E.T. explanation that she provided for you to use for discussion with your daughter is very good. I do agree with everyone else that what you write to her Therapist should not be shared with your daughter (unless the Therapist is planning on doing that during her session?). I might want to find that out, too... .