BPDFamily.com

When I' was reading about how tough it is to not have closure on this board, at first I couldn't relate because whoa did my ex dBPDgf give me a lot of slam the phone down closure. Now I realize who I didn't get closure with was the nice, loving her. That's the one I miss not having closure with. Is that what you all mean too?

For me its the not knowing what was true and what was a lie.

Not knowing if they actually ever loved is the biggest one for me. Was I just used or was there real feelings for me. I doubt I will ever get the answers I want.

So as far as closure goes I will never get full closure I just have to accept that its over and learn from my mistakes.

The closure I sought was found on this board. I said in another post that, the hardest part for me was not knowing if my relationship problems could be resolved. Once it became clear that I wasn't dealing with a rational person (something I already knew in my heart) it was much easier for me t move forward.

Do I still think of her? -Yes. Everyday. However, with each day the thoughts are less persistent.

Do I still love her? -Yes, but in a different way. I never truly knew "her". I was well acquainted with the image she created to mirror me, but that's not a real person. It's a figment, a phantom... .It's a terrified little girl. Once all of the pieces came together and I finally saw her for her, I was able to look past the aggression, which was a façade, and see the true nature of her. In seeing her true nature, I have also become self aware. I've begun to question what it is that makes me attracted to such a fatal person, and I've begun to realize that change is knocking at my door. In many ways the change is already in motion.

Enlighten, I agree with your words. I struggle with who I actually "knew."

Who was that person I went so very deep with, for so long ?  I really have no idea now.

Where did the person I knew, go?

What does this other person remember of us. Anything?

Was that love for him?

It was for me.

I'm still the same.

I didn't change.

Hurts.

Agreed.  The ambiguity during the r/s, not knowing what I should do, constant anxiety, panic attacks, finally making a decision then wondering if it was the right one.  So exhausting.  About a month after the break up, numbness finally left and I was then deep in despair and grief, crying all the time, wondering if I could have tried harder, got us more counselling, etc.  I was so scared that I had made a mistake and lost the love of my life because I gave up on us... .Then I found this board and it has helped so much in coming to terms with my decision and also knowing that I have a chance to truly heal these deep wounds that I have, not just from him but from my childhood (shoved so far away I didn't even realise they were there but this r/s has brought them to the surface).  That is giving me some closure although I have a long way to go.

I imagine that closure is a much different process depending on who ended the r/s, the pwBPD or the non.