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Title: she is only 19 and out of control. should I contact her parents. Post by: Infern0 on August 26, 2014, 05:03:00 AM I don't think they know she has BPD.
They just think she's "depressed" , they DENY her eating disorder even though shes killing herself from the inside out . in fact they barely communicate with her. She's now shacked up with a recovering drug addict who is in no way equipped. I want to tell them what they have created. Implore them to stop burying their heads in the sand. To take responsibility for once. To stop enabling her by sending her money. I can't help her anymore. But her parents have a duty to. Should I write to them? Title: Re: she is only 19 and out of control. should I contact her parents. Post by: Tolou on August 26, 2014, 05:20:22 AM It depends? Inferno sounds like your going through it right now. Maybe since your going to start therapy, you can discuss that before you make a final decision.
If you are truely contacting the parents and your planning on leaving, then you can simply say something like, you are leaving and you wanted to let them know you are concerned for her health and that they should be aware of your concern, other than that? I personally wouldn't go to far into saying what you believe she has? If you are leaving you can give them a heads up so you can be clear then it is no longer your problem, thoough you may care and want no harm to come to her, we can't be repsonsible for others choices. Title: Re: she is only 19 and out of control. should I contact her parents. Post by: Infared on August 26, 2014, 06:53:10 AM It depends? Inferno sounds like your going through it right now. Maybe since your going to start therapy, you can discuss that before you make a final decision. If you are truely contacting the parents and your planning on leaving, then you can simply say something like, you are leaving and you wanted to let them know you are concerned for her health and that they should be aware of your concern, other than that? I personally wouldn't go to far into saying what you believe she has? If you are leaving you can give them a heads up so you can be clear then it is no longer your problem, thoough you may care and want no harm to come to her, we can't be repsonsible for others choices. +1 Title: Re: she is only 19 and out of control. should I contact her parents. Post by: Rise on August 26, 2014, 07:26:00 AM It depends? Inferno sounds like your going through it right now. Maybe since your going to start therapy, you can discuss that before you make a final decision. If you are truely contacting the parents and your planning on leaving, then you can simply say something like, you are leaving and you wanted to let them know you are concerned for her health and that they should be aware of your concern, other than that? I personally wouldn't go to far into saying what you believe she has? If you are leaving you can give them a heads up so you can be clear then it is no longer your problem, thoough you may care and want no harm to come to her, we can't be repsonsible for others choices. +2. Also if you want to go this route is don't develop any expectations. There is a good chance that if her parents have been living with their heads in the sand for years there is nothing you can say that is going to get them to change. Title: Re: she is only 19 and out of control. should I contact her parents. Post by: elessar on August 26, 2014, 07:33:19 AM Inferno, I did this a few years back, when my Ex was actively begging me to take her to therapy, but wouldn't go at the last moment. As others said, if her parents haven't cared to find out by now, you telling them about it might not work. That's how it turned out for me. Their reaction - she is a petulant child who will get better once I am out of her life.
Talk to your therapist about it. Yes the parents have a duty to protect her. But not everyone is made for parenting, and there are some horrible parents out there. is there anyone else, like a friend or sibling, to whom she is closer to and would trust? Title: Re: she is only 19 and out of control. should I contact her parents. Post by: Infared on August 26, 2014, 07:33:54 AM It depends? Inferno sounds like your going through it right now. Maybe since your going to start therapy, you can discuss that before you make a final decision. If you are truely contacting the parents and your planning on leaving, then you can simply say something like, you are leaving and you wanted to let them know you are concerned for her health and that they should be aware of your concern, other than that? I personally wouldn't go to far into saying what you believe she has? If you are leaving you can give them a heads up so you can be clear then it is no longer your problem, thoough you may care and want no harm to come to her, we can't be repsonsible for others choices. +2. Also if you want to go this route is don't develop any expectations. There is a good chance that if her parents have been living with their heads in the sand for years there is nothing you can say that is going to get them to change. ... .and... .they could just shoot the messenger!... .just be careful for your sake... .:light: Title: Re: she is only 19 and out of control. should I contact her parents. Post by: Rise on August 26, 2014, 08:01:18 AM ... .and... .they could just shoot the messenger!... .just be careful for your sake... .:light: Literally. Before I met her, my ex was married. As they started the divorce process, her husband called her dad to tell him about the things that were wrong with her. My ex was quite proud of the fact her dad threatened to shoot him. Title: Re: she is only 19 and out of control. should I contact her parents. Post by: .cup.car on August 26, 2014, 08:26:26 AM I did this. Ex is same age as yours (19).
Her dad made empty threats towards me. Her sister (16) was really understanding about the whole thing, and admitted her folks had tried everything and my ex refused all help. Closest thing I'll get to closure. Since the police are involved and she might get charged for stalking, the responses from her family have been VERY useful to the police. But if you're never going to see this girl again and shes not creeping on you, theres no point. Im sure they know. Its not like she only has BPD around you. |