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I have been working on my attachment issues and trying to disassociate emotionally with xBPDbf after 12 months of NC. Last night I had a dream about him which I think is highly metaphorical. I even dreamed that I have posted about it in the forum and hence I had to do it in real life.  :)


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I am in a house which has few elements that look like xBPDbf's house. There are lots of people in the house. I don't know what I am doing there. I find out that xBPDbf is going on a long trip with his gf (my replacement basically). Hence everyone has gathered to say them goodbye. I see him walk around but we don't exchange words, neither do I get uncomfortable. I walk around and do my own things (I don't remember what). Much later, he is in the same room as me and he talks me (or himself I don't remember). It's his usual rants about how everyone in the world is mean to him and make life so difficult for him. I listen patiently without reacting. He leaves and his gf walks in. She starts talking about the difficult situation she is in and how crazy this trip is going to be. I listen and don't react. She also says something about how difficult it would be to paint without crayons/colors after he leaves (my ex is back to painting in digital medium with her) (I don't understand this part of the dream). I feel like an observer who can read people's mind and doesn't react to anything. I see her limping (she doesn't limp in real life) and walking towards xBPDbf. I wait to say goodbye but feel tired and plan to rest instead. I clean the bed in the room to take a nap. I see few things above the cupboard that I have been wanting to get back from him but at that moment I don't react. I also see a pair of lizard on the pillow and hush them away. (I am not scared of insects and bugs). I am happy at how calm I have been entire evening, didn't panic in his presence and wasn't sad at all to see him with his gf. And I share this experience with BPD family as a big step towards success.  I close my eyes. When I wake up, I am back in my room, in real life. And smiling thinking about this dream

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I thought this dream had many metaphors. First one is accepting the fact that he is going away from my life. That I am so tired of waiting for this moment that I decide to take a nap instead of saying him goodbye.  :) Second, he is content with his gf (which I didn't accept for a long time because he kept telling - I am with her only because I am not with you and I don't want to be alone). I see his gf as limping, which I think signify that I don't see her as a perfect match for xBPDbf or may be I am trying to find faults with her to not accept the fact that x is happy with her. Most important one is my response to this whole incident. I think that finally in my subconscious mind I have made peace with him and that him or his presence doesn't bother me anymore. I don't understand what lizard means but it's alright.

I feel that I have achieved major success in emotional detachment from him in last few days and this dream signifies the exactly same. It brings a lot of peace inside. Big hug and thank you this everyone on this forum who have helped me come so far.

Thank you for sharing, pari! And, really, really huge to achieve the peace you have found!  Congrats!  It helps us all to see!