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Open mouth, insert foot. That's the theme for this evening.  My uBPDbf has been having issues at work with a coworker who he recently dissociated (he's diagnosed dissociative identity disorder) and tried to cheat on me with (ended up being an emotional thing, long story, not meant for this post) anyway, he recently became her boss and is not treating him with respect.  He's overly stressed and over thinking everything.  He expressed how he didn't want to go to work and try to deal with her drama because it'll piss him off and he'll take it out on the wrong person. Here's where I should've kept my thoughts to myself. I replied with, "yeah it'll be me and that's not fair to be blamed for her ___. It's disrespectful" he half jokingly said "am I ever fair or respectful". I said it depends on your mood. He got upset at this.told me to leave the room before I made it worse. Awesome. He always says how he prides himself in being completely honest with people and it's not his fault they can't handle the truth, that's exactly what I did. Told the truth. God forbid.  Now I propably get to deal with the exterminator who is getting rid of a hornet nest in our yard by myself tomorrow then I'm sure he will be mad the guy is even there. It's happened before. I'm really tired of sleeping on the couch. I'm ready to scream.

Hello Marvis,

I could have written your post today. I was just leaving the house and said goodbye and added, remember to let your social worker know how you have been feeling over the last few days when he visits this afternoon. He's now leaving going to live in a hostel  :) yes my bad. I went out anyway, but silently screaming inside. The morning had gone really well.

PwBPD does not really want your honesty or truth, in my experience only their own version of reality works for them which is often seriously distorted.

I suppose using SET would have helped but constantly trying to screen and reframe every word and sentence is exhausting.

Sending you a   just in case you need one.

Tough place to be in ... .I'll send you some      as well.

How do you go about caring for yourself when you are ready to scream?

That's a good question actually.  Depends on the day. I pretty much either go outside for a cigarette or if I feel he can handle me leaving the house without him getting abandonment worries, I'll go for a jog to calm myself down. The latter rarely happens. Before I left for work tonight I got raged at for putting him to bed instead of letting him sleep on the living room floor.  If I leave him there I get yelled at, if I wake him up to put him to bed,  I get raged at. No winning.  Now I'm at work, worried about what kind of poop I'm facing when I get home. Hopefully after 8 hours of me not being there he will be ok but he holds on to things for days so I'm sure our day off together will be spent on the couch, alone with my thoughts.  *sigh*

Why is it rare that this happens?


Tough feeling to have... .that you can't win... .or will be wrong no matter what.  Double bind situations are frustrating.

What do the lessons say about how to deal with this type of situation?

Going for a jog rarely happens because 9 times out of 10 he runs off to the bedroom like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum.  At this point, if I go to tell him I'm going for a jog or even go to get my shoes  I get raged at. His face contorts into something I don't recognize and I get told "I don't give a f**k what you do" or "you're always running away from our problems,  you don't care about me or listen to anything". You see, I don't go for a jog without telling him first. I'm a female, I go by myself,  I go to the lake downtown where there are a lot of people, sketchy and not. But I need him to know where I'm going in case, gods forbid, something happens to me. As far as the no winning goes, I've pretty much radically accepted that no matter what I say to him when he's being irrational or unrealistic I'm going to lose. Hell I'll probably lose anyway if he's in a halfway decent mood but I'll try then and then only to reason with him. Don't need anymore holes punched in the wall or $800 cell phones broken. I typically bow out gracefully. Not sure if that's "right" or not though.