BPDFamily.com

Wow.

Where to begin? There has been a lot of healing going on in my life.

I've come to that point. The point where you've seen, heard, felt... .enough. It's beautiful. It isn't perfect, it's just above good, to great. I'll take it.

I've realized how well I'm getting on in my new city. A new job, new friends, new place, new life. It's been everything life with her simply wasn't, fun. I'm single. That means something new now. It's not "I'm alone" anymore, it's "I'm independent."

I am free from those ties, I choose to be. The fog is beyond powerful, I know my friends and yours can attest. Unlike anything. I choose to make it an experience I'm stronger for.

Extremely LC has been key for me I believe. It's the route I chose to go, so I couldn't speak on complete NC. I broke it a few times, twice actually. The first was a disaster, the second the same. Again, standard stuff with these types, you know, we know.

I'm doing better than I did with her. That's all it is. If you are doing better, if you aren't living a cheap, destructive life, I urge you guys to just feel that. That's what I do. I don't judge her, I don't let myself be surprised at her actions. I don't ask around, if I hear something it isn't because I asked, trust me on this. I've wished her well, she's done the same, though the smear campaign was and is alive and well.

It doesn't phase me. It's actually ironic, because several friends have approached me with different tales of praise or of course, lies. Hurtful lies. I barely take the time to notice or enjoy that irony. They don't hurt. They are empty, like their creator. It all just makes "sense" now, you know?

I believe time and acceptance are the best tools. Though I must admit, she makes it easy to feel sorry for uBPD, as a whole. It's beyond scary. I've wasted valuable time trying to logically understand her shifts in character, mood, anger, happiness... .

I really know now, that time should have served me better. ME. It was a challenge to figure her out. I think that's something that isn't discussed much, maybe some men just want to be challenged and of course we chose a complete uphill battle, but maybe we didn't want to rescue them. Or the reverse, if a woman should want a challenging partner, different, rather than having to save them. I know that we failed and it's fine that we did, now. Finally. My failure was a simple one. I gave a piece of myself to someone with unsteady hands. The way they mirror you, engulf you, to have been captured and controlled so easily and held there, if almost by accident. Held there by an accidental master of manipulation and control tactics.

We want to know that people love us. I don't know that any childhood would alter that very much. When we are the object, it feels good, because it hurts. It's unlike anything else, because of both ends of the spectrum. The highs, the deviance, maybe not in all cases, but I would definitely say I hit the "freak" lotto. The lows, the endless anxiety, the fights. I'll never miss how many ways she twisted my life to fit her fantasy with mere words.

Not me. Never again. Bullet completely dodged.

Acceptance. Please, all my fellow members, know your own truth. It's there.