BPDFamily.com

I think I'm just venting here... .

So this morning I get up a little early to put a coat of poly on a table we're taking up north... .My uBPDw asks, "can I come down and talk?".  Now I want to say no... .but how do you tell your spouse that?  So she comes down and while I start sanding last night's coat she starts "shot-gun"ing me... ."Why did I beat you home yesterday... .I think your sister is talking to your ex... .better be careful what you say to her... .

I don't even remember what finally set me off, but I lost it.

So then she starts the ol' I just want to be able to talk to you without you getting upset... .I was just sad because we aren't going to her (my step) son's football game today.

It's 3 hours away (one-way) and I don't want to go into the whole blended-family step son set of issues, but I told her I wasn't going, she's welcome to go with the other parents but she doesn't want to be a 'third wheel'... .

How I'm supposed to know she's sad we aren't going to the football game because she brings up my sister I'll never know.

I just can't believe at this point I still let her set me up so that she can be the one to tell me to calm down & her be the reasonable one.

BTW: her solution is for us to not go up north this weekend, where I'm supposed to go fishing... .the first activity I've scheduled without her in 6 months... .after all, isn't our relationship more important than a weekend up north?

I had my own "disregulation" last night.  I feel like I'm becoming crazy too and slowly losing it.  After dealing with a day of rage brought on by completely nothing I did uBPDh admitted he knows there's something wrong with him and expects that and an apology to make me forget yet another day/night of gaslighting, name calling, threatening to get his own apartment (which I wish wasn't a threat at this point), etc.  After that he decides it's time to call the girl he got pregnant a few years ago while he was cheating on me and have a talk with her since he found out she's pregnant again.  This brings up a whole other set of issues... .but I try to stay calm.  Then last night my son was giving me the hardest time ever when it was time to go to bed and I was just feeling defeated.  After I finally got him to sleep I laid down, crying just feeling completely warn out and exhausted from everything I keep having to go through.

H asks me what's wrong and I start telling him how I'm just sick of all this stuff going on and constantly feeling like this.  Except my tone wasn't good enough for him, and he felt I was yelling at him for "nothing" so that started a fight.  Then I lost it.  I started screaming and yelling and had to leave the house to get my self calm.  When I returned (about 20 mins later) he left and never came home till this morning.  He was supposed to watch our son today, but since he didn't answer his phone and wasn't home until the minute I was walking out the door... .I had to find an emergency babysitter.  He got mad at me for that too. So the list goes on.

I feel like I'm turning into a crazy person with him.  I don't know how much longer I can take this.  Not to mention I'm 5 months pregnant with our 2nd.

I understand how you feel... .I wouldn't wish this on anyone... .it's in no way good.