BPDFamily.com

Just on the back of the "how many months till the discard" thread, in general how long after each discard did it take them to attempt a recycle?

In my relationship I had several discards, and the recycles came after this period each time: 3 days, 3 days, 3 weeks, 2 weeks.

Now I've walked away and he hasn't attempted any direct contact for three months, so I'm assuming he's gone for good.

Just wondering if there's a pattern here too. It seems they recycle after weeks rather than months, but would be interested to see your experiences.

No recycle here, she dumped almost 6 months ago... .nothing since.

No recycle - 10 months have passed. She hasn't recycled any of her ex boyfriends. She recycles only friends. Which is weird. Any idea why is that?

Mine never recycled an old bfs safter it was over, she just seemed to paint them black forever apart from the previous one who she kept hanging around as a "friend" despite speaking very badly of him a lot of the time. Recycles in the relationship came immediately so I never had a chance to think and stick to my decision (I left her several times, but the recyels came fast and very persistent and I crumbled each time). The final time I left her, she recycled the next day then she finished it a week later. I guess the replacement was not quite ready for a few more days

I was with my BPDexgf for 13 years, she started talking about and contacting all of her exes when we broke up and she was still living with me, just wait.

No recycle here at 4 months, no contact at all and am very grateful. Much happier place and to be honest she could try but she'd be wasting her time, I see it/her/us now for what it was and would never wish to be a part of that dysfunctional sick and twisted union that at the time I thought was bliss. Funny how time does heal.

But I do suspect she will one day try, 6 months is when my gut tells me but she won't get any joy from me, not now, not ever, why would I even wish to put myself there again when there are so many lovely wonderful people out there who are able to treat you as you treat them.

Suspicious1

Are you hoping for a recycle? Is that why you are really asking?

Suspicious--I have wondered the exact same thing. Why? Because for me, it's a slightly different healing strategy and therapy goal. I currently feel as if I am grieving a death. Knowing the vampire could pop back in at anytime has prompted me to ask my T and friends to help me with skill building in the likely case that he does. Like Buffy, I want to be ready to deflect the vampire this time while I concurrently heal from his last bite.

I'm also a bit scared of what I would do if she contacted me again. My rational side would say, don't go there, NC. But my emotional side misses the intimacy terribly, and I'm not talking about the sex. The sex wasn't actually that great in a physical sense, but the intimacy I felt during it was out of this world!

I'm not sure at what point it is considered a recycle. 

In the first 2 years there were multiple breakups that lasted between 12 hours and 2 days.  Then the last one was 2-3 months where the longest we went without talking was probably 3 days in which she initiated all the contact, this was also the first time I felt devalued and discarded.

Now that were back together it doesn't have the same feel it used to, she doesn't seem to need me as much, control me as much, or get jealous as much.  Which should be a good thing, but I am skeptical and don't quite understand what is responsible for the change.

Its been 4 months NC. Not sure if she will ever contact me but its possible. Our ending was very abrupt and it occured after her 2nd overdose attempt both which were in my presence(ended up in psych. hospital both times). I had the chance to speak to her on the phone for the last time and read her the riot act and as nicely as possible I told her that I wasnt stupid and new what her game was. That I new she was manipulative and that she was emotionally abusive towards me. Basically I addressed her as if she was a child. Her overdose manipulations were to force me to let her move in with me(she had just quit her job, no income and moved in with her cousin and hated it there). The last few months of our relationship she was very emotional, depressed, crying, sleeping and staying in bed for days. She was definitely falling apart. I started to ignore her crying because I felt it was manipulative but I also just started to emotionally shut down. Because of this she thought I hated her. I went from being ridiculously supportive to not feeding the drama. I was there for her though when she overdosed, as a matter of fact I was always there for her, I just wouldnt let her move into my home.

    Back to the original question. I fear that she will try to recycle but I know I cant be with her. I do however want her to call and apoligize for every hurtful thing she did and said to me. Im sure that wont happen. I still have a few items of hers and she has a couple of mine, that might be an excuse for contact from her. But for now she has to be feeling shame(maybe not) and also anger towards me for beginning to protect myself from her maipulations and for finally speaking my mind by exposing just a little part of her game.

Mine tried about a week after i dumped her. Begged for forgiveness after betraying me for the third known time. She just admited the second one but i had a phone call where she talked about the third betrayal, but i didnt show it to her as it was given by another person. Pathetic how she kept saying she wasnt with this guy because she was with me at the time and it didnt make sense. If i didnt have proof i might have fallen for it tough :/.

Amen, Bauie! So many on these boards talk about how much they miss the sex--I've been so traumatized I've hardly thought about it. I never felt that "connection"--it always felt more like a performance for which I was required to give immediate performance evaluations! I miss the person who literally attached himself to my hip for a year. Even if an appendage were full of gangrene or cancer; I'm quite certain I would miss it if it were to suddenly and without explanation fall off the planet!

4/5 months relationship

no contact for about 3 weeks

date after 4 weeks

devaluation for 4 weeks

wanting to meet up again

painted black for 4 weeks

now she's being nice to me/making me jealous

13 years together, left me 6 months ago, NC 4 months, radio silence till now

30+yrs together, ex left me more than 3.5 yrs ago.

In fact very, very LC (me to ex concerning my son only, of course without any response from her).

No attempts made by her, except some divorce related issues AND… “just” to let me know that she met a divorced man, earlier this year.

Something as : look how attractive I still am... .how well I am doing... .I am "moving on"... .etc.

I call her just a plain “people cutter” (hit and run), she did it in her youth when she left in a similar outburst her parents and went total NC for a 9 yrs.

So any hope, or "fear" that she will knock on my door?  No.