BPDFamily.com

Hi all. I have scoured the topics and learned a great deal of info about BPD.

My question is a simple one. The answer maybe not so simple.

My wife told me two weeks ago that she loved me less than before. That killed me. How do I even go forward from there? BPD or not, shouldn't that be a deal breaker?

I have been completely defeated ever since she said that to me. It broke my heart. I cried on and off for days. Basically was a basket case. I have since composed myself but am still gutted.

I need your advice my friends. thanks.

I remember years ago when I told my wife that I just wanted to be "loved."  She told me "you were loved.  I should have left then.  Listen to your own advice.

Love comes in all sorts of forms. It is a concept at times.

Your pwBPD may be feeling less love for you and that is her experience. I am sorry that you have taken it SO hard as only you appreciate the context in which she said it. I wouldn't invalidate her and I don't want to invalidate you either.

Love can also grow. It is not an indicator to completely give up hope.

workinprogress may be right also. I heard this from my uBPDex and partly ignored it to my own detriment.  :'(

No, it's not a simple answer. Love is complicated even if you are normal, balanced person. It fluctuates. Changes it's form with time and it can be difficult to distinguish between different styles of loving. I love my kids, my SO, my friends. But the love i feel, it isn't similar everyday. There are days my kids get so much to my nerves, that I could probably say i loved them "less" (but i know that being annoyed doesn't really make me love them less, it's just me being annoyed).

But to someone with BPD it can be even more difficult to tell stuff like that apart.

It can also be that your wife is trying to get a reaction out of you and saying "i don't love you" or "I love you less" is a good way to get a reaction.

Some BPD's fear abandonment so much that they keep testing and testing until they get the reaction they mostly fear. 

It can also be that something has changed in her. Perhaps it's permanent, perhaps it could be depression (deep depression makes loving difficult).

I would ask her what she means with that, how long she has felt like that. I would not make a scene out of it, but not act as nothing happened either. With my SO i've learnt that taking things seriously but not rushing in to action has working. Many times the way he has been thinking is so twisted that it makes no sense in common sense, only in weird BPD logic. But all BPD's are different and what works for me doesn't necesserily work for someone else.