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I went to a out of town wedding with my BPD girlfriend.  She was on her period.  Her period always makes it worse.  Then she started drinking, sank into a dysphoric melt-down.  The thing is she's smart enough to be subtle.  To do things other people don't see/hear.  She grabbed my crotch hard on the dance floor, possessive and aggressive.  She hissed about what a b___ my ex-girlfriend is.  My ex has nothing to do with me.  She has nothing to do with anything.  Then she started hissing about how I "liked" the jewish girl at our table.  What?  Who are you talking about?  Weird, irrational, psychotic.

So, I left.  And she followed.  I stopped an asked if she was calm.  She said yes and then started swearing in a jealous rage.  So I started walking. She followed.  Same thing.  I started walking.  She grabbed me.  I broke free and started running, literally running as hard as I could go.  She screamed my name.  And screamed.  And screamed. 

(I want to be clear: there is no one else.There was no one else.  I have done nothing wrong.)

I ran and then walked a long way and got a motel.  She called, texted, called etc.  I arranged an early morning flight home.  I left all of my travel stuff in the apartment where we were staying.  It was that bad.  It was not the first time.  At the airport I called and broke it off.  It was several hours later and the rage was over.  She cried and heaped guilt on me.  I flew.

Rationally, I think I did the best I could under the circumstances.  But I feel rotten.  I hurt someone I care about. I broke it off in a horrible way.  But she was hurting me.  She was hurting me.  That's not ok.  I know that.  How come I don't feel it?  Why the guilt?  My brain says I'm not wrong.  I did the best I could.  So why do I feel awful?

It's like drug addiction. On one hand you want it on the other hand you know it is not good for you. I quit smoking, drinking alcohol and coffee the last couple of months being with her. Now I am trying to quit her too. It seems more difficult than all the other three addictions together.

We went to two weddings with my ex and we ended up in massive arguments in both. I think there's something triggering about weddings. My ex doesn't show jealousy, maybe she's too proud/narcissistic or has her feelings under check better. What she does is that she gets back at you. Boy that's even worse. You don't even know what and how will hit you next. The horror... .the horror... .

Hi there

Sorry that it happened to you - The same happened to me countless times, all within a 6 month time span! It gets worse... .I'll tell you now, you did the right thing. You can leave now, knowing you stood up for yourself and it's in your hands. Don't go back - You are out. You need to know though that YOU didn't hurt HER. SHE was the one who embarrassed you, who ruined the wedding for you, who isolates you so that you may not even look at other women. She is the one who hurt you!